Regression

I am regressing. Or so it seems. I'm heading back to college, contemplating some kind of a part time job...did someone hit the rewind button on my life because I swear, the last time I was in this position, I was about 10 years younger. Maybe I can find a frat party to go hit up. Heh.


Have any of you checked out the My Career Advancement Account? Basically it's money to help spouses get into high demand, high growth Portable Career fields. Six grand. $6K. $6,000. That's a hefty chunk of change. And I didn't have to write an essay when I applied for it! It will cover the cost of the pre-requisite classes I will need to get into a BSN program. Works for me. Should all of this eventually prove to be unnecessary (please, God) then we are not out any money. However, I think that, even if things do work out for us in terms of MacGyver's career, I will continue to pursue my BSN. It seems to be the path I am being led down so I will continue to follow it.


Currently, I am enrolled in Anatomy and Physiology. I'm wait-listed for Microbiology so we'll see if I can get into that. If not, I may try to wiggle my way into a Calculus class, just for fun. That side of my brain needs some exercise. Classes start in January and I'm having a tough time wrapping my brain around the fact that I will be a college student yet again. Never thought I'd find myself here. Again. Odd.


Our church went on a bit of a hike last weekend - we hiked up the East Range on to Waikane Trail. You can check out information on the trail over at Kaleo Lancaster's place. It had been raining for a good few days before we hit the trail so the mud was thick enough to suck your shoes off your feet. And I don't know that I believe Kaleo when he says that Hawaiian Trail and Mountain Club had been through there recently to clear it out. It was incredibly overgrown in parts. It was a challenging hike - about 4 miles each way with some seriously steep ascents in both directions - but I loved every minute of it. Maybe not the minute where one of our group took a header down a 60' embankment, stopped only by smacking, face-first, into a tree. But I loved every other minute. I do need new hiking shoes though.


Our brigade suffered it's first loss last week. Pilots Earl Scott and Matt Heffelfinger (2/6 Cav) were killed when their OH-58D Kiowa Warrior crashed in Iraq. Our brigade is only 2 months into this deployment so to lose two so early hits hard. Last week was tough for many people here. Thankfully, the aviation community here is strong and supportive.


Still no word on anything. The waiting is eating away at me. I'm going through the motions but there are days when I just want to lock the doors and curl up into a ball. And some people would say, "Go ahead and do that for a day - might do you some good." but I'm afraid if I were to do that, I'd never get up. So I keep chugging along - one foot in front of the other. I have to fight the urge to laugh in people's faces when they ask me, "Are you ok? You don't quite seem yourself lately." Ha! You have no idea.


And I understand that they either don't know the full story or they forget that it's still on-going (sometimes I forget too..denial is a great place). But there are days where I just want to laugh hysterically when people point out that I am not myself. You should try seeing me through MY eyes!


How do you reconcile what you see in the mirror with how you feel on the inside? How long before the two catch up with one another again? At what point do I start to feel like I'm living my LIFE again and not a script from a made-for-TV movie? It gets really old after a while.


I was talking with a friend the other day about going to the water park. The kids and I had annual passes but they have expired. I said I'd go renew mine soon and then it dawned on me...we might not be here a year so why waste the money? How long do I have to live like that?


Just bleh. What do college students even wear these days? Does it matter?




Pau.




- hfs

Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends (John 15:13



To those that have sacrificed to serve our country and defend our freedoms...thank you.




Pau.




- hfs

Project Valour-IT

I have been remiss in posting about the Project Valour-IT fundraiser that is going on now through Veterans' Day, November 11th. This fundraiser is split up by service and, currently, the Marines are winning. But we all know that Big Army will get the job done - we always do. So head on over and drop a few bucks in the jar. And show those Marines who is boss.




Pau.




- hfs

Two posts in two days

Don't anyone go getting excited - I can't promise that this is a trend.


I don't even know where to begin (again). All 3 of you that read this blog can probably figure out there there is some major "stuff" going on behind the scenes with me. (a friend of mine back in Alabama used to say "Everyone's got 'stuff'. No one's perfect - they all have 'stuff'.") And there is. The outcome of my 'stuff' is still very much up in the air and I have NO clue what to expect. Which is incredibly difficult for me. I am a planner. I NEED to know what to expect so I can plan.


Yes, I am a control-freak. Why do you ask?


Anyway, the outcome of all of the 'stuff' may very well mean that my time as a military spouse will come to an end much sooner than I expected. So I need options. I have a BS in Exercise and Sport Science (i.e. Exercise Physiology) that is about 11 years old. I've been a high school teacher but I find that I have absolutely no desire to teach in a public school again. Ever. And, with the way the economy is at this point - especially with regard to public school funding/teaching jobs - I don't know that I could find a full-time job if I wanted to.


So I'm going back to school and I am looking to get a second BS in Nursing. I'm already about 1/2 way there because I already have a Bachelor's degree. I need to take a few courses - one that I've never taken (microbiology) and 2 that I have taken but did so too long ago (Anatomy/Physiology and Chem) - and then I can apply to schools to pursue my BSN.


One of the options I am considering is basically swapping places with MacGyver. Once I get my BSN, I will be eligible for the Army's Health Profession Scholarship Program. I'm also looking into the other branches of service but right now, the Army's program seems to offer the most.


It's a big thing to wrap my brain around - ME joining the Army in my late 30s - but I'm trying to keep all of my options open. If the past 5 months have taught me ANYTHING it's to expect the unexpected (and that I do not hold up well under interrogation). So I am.


When I lived in SoCal - before MacGyver and I were married - I had taken the EMT course but never pursued my full certification because we moved to Colorado and the pay there was rotten. Then, once we got to Alaska, I was all set and ready to take the EMT course again and pursue certification but I got pregnant and that kept me out of the program. I looked into the program at one of the community colleges here but the hours and commute did not work, give the fact that MacGyver was supposed to have been deployed and I would have been a single parent. So I tabled that idea. But it's always been something I've wanted to pursue. I've talked with a few friends about going into the Army as a nurse and it looks like it's possible. So we'll see.


If the Army doesn't play out as an option, I can still pursue my BSN and then go work in the civilian world. Nurses are in high demand and I don't see that changing anytime soon. And, in the nursing world, I won't have to put up with "No Child Left Behind" which is most definitely a bonus.


I'm not sure if this is the direction I'm supposed to go. And sometimes I feel like I'm flailing - clutching at straws. But there are several people in my life who are poised to help me in this path, should it play out this way and I don't think that is a coincidence. I'm doing my best just to move forward and go where I am led. Those of you that are in the nursing/medical world - whether it's in the military or in the civilian world - feel free to chime in. I'll be at least 40 when I finish my BSN. The Army will take me up to 62 (!) as a nurse so age isn't an issue (though not through the HPSP). My Godmother kindly pointed out that compassion isn't my strong point (she's right. Nor is sympathy. IF you need sympathy, you can find it in the dictionary.) but I'm looking at working either in the ER or Critical Care field. I want the adrenaline.


So there it is. Five months ago, I never thought I'd be sitting here, researching Army career options. But I am. Crazy. Absolutely crazy. But if that is what it takes to keep my family afloat, then so be it. I will laugh my butt off if, in 5 years, MacGyver and I have swapped places and he's a homeschooling, stay-at-home-dad and I'm the one gearing up for a deployment. Wouldn't THAT be interesting...?




Pau.




- hfs

Wow.

It's been 18 days since I last posted. I don't think I've ever gone that long without putting something up. Sorry.


There's a lot in my head - probably too much - but, for some reason I just cannot get it out on to the screen. There's so much to talk about but I can't figure out which end is up or where to begin. I talked with a friend on the phone the other day about stuff and found that I cannot even hold a decent conversation - life is just a bit too overwhelming at the moment and I think that, if I open the door a bit I'm not going to be able to shut it when I need to.


And I'm not making ANY sense. But I'm still here. Still hangin' in (Sly would be proud).




Pau.




- hfs

Fake it 'til you make it

Sorry for the lack of posting lately. It's tough to write when I don't really know what to write about. And it's tough to write when the biggest thing going on in my life cannot be written about.


Still in limbo. Still hating it. Still in Paradise. Still in denial. SSDD I guess you would say.


I'm good until someone who knows me well looks me in the eye and asks, "How ARE you?". It's hard to remain in denial at that point. And let me tell you, I do not hold up well under any kind of interrogation. If I've learned NOTHING else over the past 4 months, it's that.


I'm working on my SpaceA post. It was definitely an adventure. A wonderful adventure but an adventure, nonetheless. I'm hoping to fine-tune that this week and get it up. Maybe tomorrow but, after having the kids home for 3 weeks (1.5 for our trip and 1.5 for Fall Break) I have 1,001 things I need to do tomorrow. And it's a 1/2 day. LOVELY.


I'll see what I can pound out before noon and shift the rest to my "to do" list for Thursday. One of the things on my "to do" list is to pick up applications. The subbing hasn't panned out this year like I expected. Partly because I slipped to the bottom of the priority list because I had to take summer off (the middle school I work at is on a tracked year-round schedule) and partly because fewer teachers are taking time off because they just got socked with an 8% pay cut. Add to that the fact that district subs just lost out on 17 days of possible work and it makes for a tight world in sub-land. So I'm looking to put in a few applications in places I think it would be fun to work - Starbucks and Barnes and Noble. SBUX is literally right down the street and offers incredibly flexible scheduling. And our 2 local ones are fun. Might as well make my addiction to Chai work for me. Barnes and Noble would be heave but I'm worried I'd never actually bring home any money - just books. Plus, it's downtown and I'm not sure how flexible their scheduling is. We'll see.


We're actually in pretty good financial shape - especially after we sold my Honda Pilot (buh-bye car payment!!!). But a little extra coming in (especially when the kids are in school - no sense in letting ALL of that free time go to waste at the beach!) as we get closer to the holidays is never a bad thing!


I had the privilege today of donating blood for the very first time ever. It was a blood drive put on by the military hospital here and they used my friend's newborn son (the one with the heart defect) as their poster child. The local military spouses turned out in force and it was a great success! I had never donated blood before (never weighed enough) but I was able to this time. The finger prick for the anemia test hurt worse than the needle! I was amazed! My blood type isn't rare but it IS uncommon (about 7% of the US population has my blood type) so my hope is that my pint helps someone.


That's about all the news that is fit to print. Limbo sucks. And, while I'm terrified of what the answers to all of my questions might be, at least it would give me something to "beat my head against" (as someone once recently said to me). Somewhat of a double-edged sword at this point. But I'm here. And if you ask me, "How ARE you?" I will tell you I'm just fine.




Pau.




- hfs

Survivors in Afghanistan Need Immediate Help - 56 Soldiers Lost EVERYTHING

Survivors in Afghanistan Need Immediate Help - 56 Soldiers Lost EVERYTHING


This is legit. This unit is the unit of a friend of mine's husband (that was an awkward sentence). You can read the news story HERE. The entire FOB was destroyed.


Tammy's husband has a first-hand account HERE.


And yes, the Army will cover the basics but the personal items are mostly up to the individual soldiers to take care of - just as it is when they head into theatre. Add to that the fact that these guys just lost eight of their own in one moment and you can imagine how difficult this is for them. To have the support of those of us back here will be a huge morale boost for them.


So please consider sending in a few items. TankerBabe is heading up the coordination and you can email her for a mailing address. The list of what is needed is on the blog post. My kids are currently drawing pictures and writing notes to the guys as well.


Every little bit helps. Thanks.




Pau.




- hfs

It's been a year.

Hard to believe. I miss you, Dad.


love,
me