7.02.2005

If I made the rules

they would look something like this :



COMMISSARY RULES :

1. It is illegal to place your cart in a perpendicular fashion in the aisle at ANY time and for any length of time.

2. Should you be in the process of making a U-turn in an aisle, you must check behind you on BOTH sides (to avoid swinging your cart into someone trying to get around you) and your U-turn must be made in 1 continuous motion (see Rule #1).

3. The Commissary is NOT a tourist attraction. Do not bring all 8 (yes, EIGHT) of your out-of-town family members shopping with you. Bring a camera and take PICTURES for them.

4. All children caught running up and down the aisles (WITH or without parental supervision) will be impounded and the parent will be SMACKED upon retrieval.

5. The minimum age for piloting a shopping cart in the Commissary is 12. NO EXCEPTIONS.

6. Should you run into or ONTO another patron, you will be removed from the premises. If you draw blood, you will be SMACKED.

7. There is a maximum selection time in the freezer section of 3 minutes in front of any 1 door. If you're debating, move to a place where you are NOT blocking traffic and contemplate there.

8. Commissary staff who feel the need to fill the aisles with stacks of merchandise and make it impossible to GET anywhere up and down said aisle will be FIRED.

9. Step stools will be available in every aisle so that people who are shorter than 6 feet can actually REACH the items on the top shelf (especially when 50% of their shopping list consists of items on the top shelf). Personal shopping assistants (preferably ones who look like George Clooney or Sean Connery) will be provided, free of charge, to all blog-owners under 5'4"...

10. Blog-owners under 5'4" maintain the right to SMACK anyone violating these rules with no repercussions on her end.




Pau.




- hfs

11 comments:

barks said...

did we have a BAD day at the commissary??? ROFLMFAO

remember what i did when the same person (of foreign nationality) attempt THREE times to run me down with his shopping cart! you said i embarrassed you with my comment!!!

LorelieLong said...

Yaay!!! I get to smack people in the commissary! Whoo hoo.

TRex said...

You sound like you move through the commisary at quite a pace. Type A personality? No wonder you have time to raise kids and still go to school. I admire you.

Around these parts (Central Texas) rule number 8 would mean you would have to fire the manager. Of course, number nine means he or she isn't doing much of a good job anyway. Any grocer will tell you that the most needed items go at middle height so not only can the shopper find them, but they can be stocked without a cherry picker or (fire) ladder truck.

The last half of 9 and 10 almost made me burst out laughing, which is a bad idea since my spouse is still asleep :-)

TRex

Heather said...

Need to add some Commissary parking lot rules too. Specifically about leaving carts parked up against someone's vehicle because they're too cheap to pay a bagger. Grrrrrrrrrrrrr!

Homefront Six said...

I guess I should add a rule about tipping the BAGger even if you don't have them take your groceries to the car.

You pay them to BAG (hence the name BAGger)your groceries, regardless of whether they take your bags to the car.

Army Wife said...

I have had days at the commissary. Holiday...
never go around a holiday. I made that mistake 3 years ago around Thanksgiving.....
Feel free to smack them in your mind.

Al's Girl said...

I won't be 'official' for another month - I'm anxious to see what commisary shopping is like! LOL!

And - YAY! - I am 5'1", I get to smack people!! Whoo HOO!

Valerie said...

Why is it that only short people get to smack? LOL. Thanks for reminding me ot the myriad reasont that I stay away from the commissary.

Homefront Six said...

Valerie...YOU can reach stuff on the top shelves! I have to have some kind of outlet for my frustration!

TRex - it's not the "most needed" that go in the middle - it's the most EXPENSIVE and most popular. I tend to shop the upper and lower shelves...

Frugal Food - don't get me STARTED on the parking lot...actually the one here isn't bad. The one at Rucker SUCKED!

Army Wife - the worst day I ever went was New Year's Eve at Rucker...OMG...had we not needed milk and diapers, I would have run SCREAMING. The check out line stretched through the frozen food section, past the meats in the back and down into the produce section. I spent more time in line than I did shopping! NEVER again.

Al's girl - be careful what you wish for! hehe (regarding the commissary, not marriage...)

Andi said...

hf6 - Well done. I think you should be the commandant of the commissary!

Household6 said...

ROTFLOL! I like this one HF6, it reminds me of MANY of my trips shopping. Oh did you know you used to only be able to go through in one direction? Seriously you would be kicked out for going the wrong way.

HH6