This is some funny stuff. Hat tip to Rhianna over at A Texan Abroad for the link.
Here are a few of my favorites :
X. Do not send Boohbahs. Jezuz. Are these intended for the local children? Are you trying to scare the living sh#t out of them? Why not send something less scary, like bloody eyeballs or a figurine of Michael Jackson.
III. NO shopping at the local Dollar Store for your soldier. If you are shopping at the local Dollar store, you're probably suffering worse than we are. Send us your mailing address. We'll try to help. It sounds like you need the support, not us.
III. If you ask for underwear, tell your supporters what kind. Thongs? G-string? Polka dots? Pink? Leopard spotted? You see where I'm going with this? Your supporters will be in a state of panic at the store trying to decide what to buy. Sure, your supporters might get a good laugh by sending you thongs, but if you're in desperate need of underwear and have no alternative but to wear the thongs, you might be in trouble the next time you change in the Showers. Someone is going to have a rat-tail fight with a wet towel. If you don't know what I'm talking about, it's when someone gets a wet towel, spins it around until it's tight, then snaps it at your bottom causing a painful stinging that leaves a big red welt.
VIII. Fort Benning is a wasteland run by fear. Exploit it, do something stupid it o piss off the Drill Sergeants and get your buddies "smoked": so you can have a pillowcase party in your honor.
If you need a laugh (or if you need some help figuring out what to send in a care package), go check this out!