3.21.2006

Sad

Like I posted over in the kids' blog, some good friends of ours left the island today. Yes, it is part of military life (and life in general) but that doesn't make it any easier. While I am thrilled FOR them, I am sad to see them go.

The reality of the deployment keeps pushing its way back into my life no matter how hard I try to push it away. MacGyver has a day off coming up and we need to get to Legal to take care of a few things. I need a new Power of Attorney. Our wills need to be executed here in Hawaii and updated. And we need to set up a family care plan in case both of us are incapacitated to the extent that we are unable to care for our children.

On one of the boards I frequent, there are about three dozen of us that are staring a deployment in the face or currently in the middle of one. Talk has turned to "legacy books" and who should be a pallbearer if the need arises. Things that make your stomach turn but need to be discussed, nonetheless.

Everyone has a protection mechanism in their brain. It's human nature. We all have ways of protecting ourselves from the pain of life. I've always been a believer that luck favors the prepared. My theory is that the more prepared you are for an event, the less likely said event is to occur. My diaper bag is always well-stocked. I do not leave the house without plenty of diapers, changes of clothes, wipes, and anything else I might possibly need while I'm out. Which explains why my diaper bag weighs more than my son.

I'm the same way with this deployment. I want all contingencies planned and prepared for so that THEY WON'T HAPPEN. Yes, part of it is about control. I admit that freely. But part of it is the irrational belief that if I PLAN for it, IT WON'T HAPPEN.


What is "IT"?


"IT" is the worst possible possibility. And if I do my best to prepare for it, IT WON'T HAPPEN.


Or, at least that is what I tell myself.


Because to consider the alternative just isn't something I am prepared to do. It's amazing the things we tell ourselves to protect ourselves. Perspective is everything, isn't it...?




Pau.




- hfs

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