Losing a piece

I was talking with a friend the other day about funerals. He's been to more than he can count. I lost track years ago. He made the comment that "you lose a little bit each time, but each time you lose a little less."

Most of the time, I think he's right. But I have found in the past 2 months that the funeral of an adult, though sad, is different in terms of its impact on the mourners than that of a child. My experience is that I lose so much more when it comes to the funeral of a child. Is it that way for everyone?

It's a double whammy - the tragedy of the loss compounded by the tragedy of the loss of potential, of hopes, of dreams. Those two combined make for an almost insurmountable grief. And how does one offer comfort to the parents? I do not believe there is a way. They have lost a part of themselves. A part that can never be replaced or compensated for in any way.

My friend said that, "You lose a little bit each time, but each time you lose a little less. Otherwise you wouldn't have any left and we need to hold on to what we can in life. Like a little bit of heart." And while that is very true, I find myself struggling to hang on to that little bit of heart. The grief is isolating for the parents. For, how can anyone truly know the magnitude of the grief they are feeling? No one can except, possibly, another parent who has lost a child. What a horrible club to belong to. Friends are left to hover around and wonder what, if anything, they can do to help. But there truly isn't anything TO do.

Except pray, if you're so inclined. So that's what I do. A lot.

Kelly ~ my prayers are with you this Mother's Day, and every day. Goose was such a special, happy boy. And so lucky to have you as his mom. SO lucky. I wish there was more I could do for you and your husband. But there is not. Like was said at the service, I can only walk with you in this one.


- hfs

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