I can usually handle one day at a time. But when they start to gang up on me, I get a little pissy. Which is where I find myself today. Not really the frame of mind I was looking to be in as we head toward a day when we are supposed to count our blessings and revel in the love of those around us. Instead, I would very much like to take a baseball bat to the heads of the following morons:
1.) The broad (i.e. mother of one of the darlings at my daughter's school) that drives a nice, big, shiny SUV and can't park it to save her freaking life. Honey, learn how to drive that damn thing. You sure as hell don't need to take up THREE frigging parking spaces in the morning when parking is limited and a major PITA to begin with. Women who can't drive make me nuts. And just because your SUV cost more than most of the other cars parked in the lot to begin with doesn't entitle you to three parking spots either. I have two words for you: PULL. UP.
2.) The butthead (i.e. the father of one of the little darlings at my daughter's school) who seems to think that the 15 mph sign applies to everyone BUT him in the mornings. Just because you and your kid can't seem to get out of the house on time and to school on time does NOT give you the right to drive Mach 2 down the damn street during school hours (or any hours, for that matter!). How about you pull your head out of your dark stinky place for a moment and set your flipping alarm for 15 minutes earlier in the morning so WE are not forced to worry about YOU running us over as we walk our children into school.
3.) The woman at Wal-Mart who chooses to ignore her rotten 4 year old as he darts up and down the aisles and gets in my way repeatedly and then manages to run YOUR cart up the back of MY heels while I'm trying to find the Drano. It took every ounce of self-control not to whack you upside the head with said Drano for being a bonehead parent.
4.) The self-absorbed 20-something at the gas station who, rather than park her car in a position that would allow others to maneuver around her easily when finished, gets her panties in a wad when I try to maneuver past her after I was done getting gas. Had you parked just 2 feet further back, I would not have had to try to weasel my way past you in the first place (which I could have easily done, thankyouverymuch. I happen to know the capabilities of my car as well as my driving abilities) which would have allowed one of the 5 cars in line behind me to pull up to the pump and begin pumping gas. Instead, you were too busy talking on your cell phone to even take into consideration the situation. And, instead of hurling obscenities at me because I was too close to your car (I was at least 2 feet from it), you could have simply hopped in the front seat and backed up a foot or two.
5.) The people in charge of taking care of paperwork for the Army (at the local level). Ever hear of "timeliness"?? 'Nuff said on that one.
6.) The woman who about took out the front end of my car while I was making a legal U-turn. *I* had the right-of-way dammit. That's what that pretty green arrow just above the sign that says "U-turn permitted on arrow" means. And, given the fact that YOU had a RED light, had you hit me I would have owned you. And THEN you had the audacity to flip me the bird? May the fleas of 1,000 camels infect your armpits.
Seriously people, it's only 2p.m. Give me a break already. I didn't even attempt to go into the commissary. I drove up, took one look at the overcrowded parking lot, and came home. Otherwise, MacGyver would be on her blegging for bail money. I think I'll stay home for the rest of the day.
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