You feel like a candle in a hurricane
Just like a picture with a broken frame
Alone and helpless, like you've lost your fight
But you'll be alright, you'll be alright

'Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what your made of
You might bend 'til you break
'Cause it's all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you've had enough
You get mad, you get strong
Wipe you hands, shake it off
Then you stand, then you stand

Life's like a novel with end ripped out
The edge of a canyon with only one way down
Take what your given before it's gone
And start holdin' on, keep holdin' on

(Repeat chorus)

Every time you get up and get back in the race
One more small piece of you starts to fall into place - yeah

(Repeat chorus)

Yeah then you stand - yeah
Yeah, baby
Woo hoo, Woo hoo, Woo hoo
Then you stand - yeah, yeah

I've been mulling this post over in my mind for a while. At SpouseBUZZ Live, one of the women in attendance stood up and discussed how some people lose their self-esteem while their husbands are deployed. This one of many things that she discussed that I disagreed with but we'll just focus on this one for now.

I found, while MacGyver was deployed, that my self-esteem actually rose. Soared, in fact. It was as if Rosie the Riveter had taken over my personna. While I recognized my limits, I felt as if there were very little that I could not do. Don't get me wrong...there were days where I felt like I could not last one more second with MacGyver gone. There were days where I prayed that the day of his homecoming would magically be the next day.

But for the most part, life's every day catastrophes and speed bumps failed to truly get me down. Based on the "testimony" of some of the women in attendance at SpousBUZZ Live, I realize I had it relatively easy. But I had my fair share of run-ins with the deployment gremlins. And each time, after I had my "aw, shit!" moment, the can-do attitude would kick in and I'd keep moving forward. I think, during a deployment (much the same as in life) you have two choices when presented with an obstacle...either suck it up, stand, and drive on or admit defeat, curl up, and die.

Maybe it's the red hair. Or the stubborn streak. Or both. But I've never been one to admit defeat or give up. So I sucked it up, got back on my feet, and kept moving forward. And every time I did, it added to the feeling that I *could* do this. I might not like it but I could do it.

And I learned a lot while MacGyver was gone. About myself. About my kids. About how to fix washing machines and air conditioning compressors. And there is a part of me - small, though it may be - that is actually looking forward to his next deployment. (weird, I know)

I'm looking forward to doing it even better next time. To accomplishing more of the goals I set for myself. To tackling challenges head on. This deployment was our first and I learned a lot. And, while I realize that no two deployments are ever the same, I know more of what to expect next time around.

So does your self-esteem suffer while your spouse is gone? Or do you find yourself rising to the occasion? Do you stand?


- hfs

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