Let the panic attack commence

UPDATE: I managed to worry myself out of anything that resembled decent sleep last night. I fretted that the automated system would call me and I would be woefully unprepared. It didn't. However, just a few minutes ago, I *did* get a call and I have my first subbing job this coming Friday. EEK! At least I managed to get the printer working and have been able to print out both Sponge Activities as well as business cards.

I *still* feel horribly unprepared and panicky. It's that same feeling that I get before I jump into what I know is a cold pool. Only this lasts longer. I'm sure, after the first day, I won't be so stressed. I hope.


I'm not one for new situations or change. I don't react well to them. Don't know why but they make me anxious.

So today I finally registered with the automated calling system for the local school district. What this means is that I am now on the payroll to be a sub. At the middle school (to start with. Eventually I will add the high school to my availability.).

Yes, this is what I want (well, aside from the perfect swim coach position which isn't going to present itself until my children learn how to swim well enough to be ON the swim team while I coach) and yes, I am excited. But the flip side to that excitement is my anxiety.

It's been almost seven years since I set foot in a "for real" classroom. Granted, I've raised 2 small children, taught many church-related classes for both the middleschoolers and the highschoolers at our church, helped out with a homeschooling co-operative, etc. But it's been SEVEN years since I've worked within the confines of a school district and I've *never* subbed.

There are all of the self-doubt questions: what if I can't hack it? What if they hate me? What if I can't handle an unruly student? What if the lesson plans suck or I run out of things to do? Whatifwhatifwhatif...? Grr!

I've not yet received any calls for jobs. Logistics are set for the kids - school, after-school care, drop off times, etc. And who knows when I'll actually get a call? In the mean time, I'll be using my free time to get things done around the house (currently I'm replacing the innards of my toilet upstairs as the refill thingy decided to spring a leak and I chose not to call the landlord to fix it. That's another post.), renewing my scuba diving certification (maybe I'll even go for my Advanced Diver cert), finish painting the baseboards and trim in the house, read more, start my CrossFit training, etc.

No bon-bons and soap operas for me! Now excuse me while I go back to my panic attack.


- hfs


A Soldier's Wife..... said...

By nature, those of us who rock at what we do, also stress over it the most...you will have no problem, I feel, sliding right back in, anxiety is normal....but I have to tell you that it's nice to know every once in a while that I'm not alone in the whole "panic attack" rhelm, I tend to have them whenever I face anything out of my safety zone, which lately seems to involve everything. Oh, and make some time for a bon-bon or two (or whatever you like to indulge in, life is too short to not have an indulgence every once in a while :D).

MayberryMom said...

I went back to subbing last year after 9 years at home. I felt the same way you did before I started~nervous. It had been a long time (except, like you, raising kids and teaching at church).

I have to say that being so much older than my first time in the classroom (22!) made things easier. You bring your life experiences that you've had into it.

I had a great year last year and I'm sure you will too. Just remember, if you have a bad day or a bad class~you'll have a new one the next day! :o)

Good Luck!

loquita said...

Alright, another CrossFit milspouse! Woot!

And good luck with getting back into teaching too. :)

FbL said...

Good luck, but I'm sure you'll be fine. I used to get terribly nervous each Fall (it didn't get easier)... until after the first day, when I'd discovered I hadn't somehow forgotten everything I'd learned the year before. ;) I'm sure it's similar when you've been off from teaching for longer than just a summer...

FKA Haole Girl said...

I subbed the first time we were in Hawaii and loved it! It started slow, but as the teachers got to know me and asked for me, I could have worked 4 days/week, easy. The pay was pretty decent too!

You'll be awesome, especially with your background in education!

BillT said...

Not that you need to be concerned in the slightest, but everything you previously learned is *wrong* due to the enormous advances made in everything you could possibly imagi

*whap!* Owwww!

Homefront Six said...

Bill, don't MAKE me come over there...

BillT said...

Promises, promises.

I see you typed your sidebar while in the throes of the panic attack.



Homefront Six said...

It wasn't a promise. It was a threat.

As for the sidebar, that has been up there for months (since the template change) and you're just *now* noticing it?! Getting a little slow there, aren't ya? ;~P

*moves to quickly fix typo*

BillT said...

Piffle. I've gotten scarier threats from *FuzzyBee*, f'goodness' sakes.

I thought it was an exercise in alternative spelling. I may be slow, but at least I have plausible excuses.

BTW, the link to Sarge B's place is bollixed -- he's moved to


Yeah, I know -- I'm soooo dead for that...

BillT said...

Sponge Activities?

Like, filter-feeding and -- Geez, that's about *all* they do...


Wrote this six years ago. Nothing's changed.  One of my favorite movies is 'Bull Durham'. And one of my favorite scenes in ...