UPDATE: I managed to worry myself out of anything that resembled decent sleep last night. I fretted that the automated system would call me and I would be woefully unprepared. It didn't. However, just a few minutes ago, I *did* get a call and I have my first subbing job this coming Friday. EEK! At least I managed to get the printer working and have been able to print out both Sponge Activities as well as business cards.
I *still* feel horribly unprepared and panicky. It's that same feeling that I get before I jump into what I know is a cold pool. Only this lasts longer. I'm sure, after the first day, I won't be so stressed. I hope.
I'm not one for new situations or change. I don't react well to them. Don't know why but they make me anxious.
So today I finally registered with the automated calling system for the local school district. What this means is that I am now on the payroll to be a sub. At the middle school (to start with. Eventually I will add the high school to my availability.).
Yes, this is what I want (well, aside from the perfect swim coach position which isn't going to present itself until my children learn how to swim well enough to be ON the swim team while I coach) and yes, I am excited. But the flip side to that excitement is my anxiety.
It's been almost seven years since I set foot in a "for real" classroom. Granted, I've raised 2 small children, taught many church-related classes for both the middleschoolers and the highschoolers at our church, helped out with a homeschooling co-operative, etc. But it's been SEVEN years since I've worked within the confines of a school district and I've *never* subbed.
There are all of the self-doubt questions: what if I can't hack it? What if they hate me? What if I can't handle an unruly student? What if the lesson plans suck or I run out of things to do? Whatifwhatifwhatif...? Grr!
I've not yet received any calls for jobs. Logistics are set for the kids - school, after-school care, drop off times, etc. And who knows when I'll actually get a call? In the mean time, I'll be using my free time to get things done around the house (currently I'm replacing the innards of my toilet upstairs as the refill thingy decided to spring a leak and I chose not to call the landlord to fix it. That's another post.), renewing my scuba diving certification (maybe I'll even go for my Advanced Diver cert), finish painting the baseboards and trim in the house, read more, start my CrossFit training, etc.
No bon-bons and soap operas for me! Now excuse me while I go back to my panic attack.