8.20.2008

Uncomfortable in my own skin

Ever since we made it back to the island from our trip this summer, I have not been able to get my feet under me. And I'm not sure why. I'm cranky and I don't like it. I don't like myself at the moment. Usually I'm quite comfortable in my own skin and in my life.


Right now? Not so much.


Is it because I have too much on my plate? Possibly. I'm getting ready to cut a few things back because I have several responsibilities - prior commitments and paying responsibilities - that take precedence over some of the things I'm going to cut. I hate to do that - I hate to admit that I can't do it ALL. But, after 36 years, I know myself pretty well and I know that some of the stress I'm feeling is because I've taken on too much. *sigh* I do so wish I were SuperWoman.


Is it because MacGyver is gone? I'm sure that's a part of it too. As much as I would like to believe that I *am* SuperWoman and I *can* do it all on my own, the fact is that life is not good, and I mean truly GOOD, unless he's here. It's like trying to drive a car on 3 full-sized wheels and a spare. You can do it but it's best not to do it for long and you'd better not try to operate at full speed.


Is it because I'm still dealing with my panic attack from the impending jump back into the working world? You betcha. Hopefully that will subside significantly after Friday's job.


When we were on the mainland, I longed for home. I longed for familiarity, for routine, for peace, quiet, and our daily life. What we walked into was a series of small disasters that I'm STILL cleaning up. Nothing life-threatening or devastating - just annoying and bothersome.


Which pretty sums up how I feel at the moment - annoying and bothersome. Ick.




Pau.




- hfs

2 comments:

A Soldier's Wife..... said...

Oh, I don't think Superwoman has anything on you....things will look up, like you said you have things going on... I can relate to what you are going through...my rug seems to have been pulled out from under me right now...I am not the most confident person at this point...I really hope that you begin to feel better and can get you sea-legs under you again.

~ASW

Andrew and Leigh said...

I know exactly what you're talking about and I hate those times. Hope it passes soon.