1.14.2009

AN ANNOTATED THERMOMETER

I had seen this years ago. Made me laugh then. Still does now.


212* - Water Boils. Death Valley residents put on deodorant.

200* - Arizona children amuse themselves by dropping eggs on sidewalk and giggle while they fry.

150* - Miami residents put on sunglasses. Texans turn on the fan.

130* - Too hot to think. Texans and Californians undo top button. Antarctica is gone, polar bears extinct.

120* - Australians notice the sun is out. All Europeans and Canadians spontaneously combust.

110* - Canadians weep. New Yorkers burst open street fire hydrants.

105* - Texans drink coffee. Alaskans melt.

100* - British start sacrificing goats to make the sun go away. Californians finally turn off the heaters.

90* - Death Valley residents awaken. Scandinavians go underground.

80* - Canadians turn on the air conditioning full blast. Arizona residents stop shivering.

70* - Alaskans declare record heatwave. Californians rise from hibernation.

60* - Californians put on sweaters(if they can find one in their wardrobe)

50* - Miami residents turn on the heat

40* - You can see your breath, Californians shiver uncontrollably Minnesotans go swimming. Siberians melt.

35* - Italian cars don't start

32* - Water freezes

30* - You plan your vacation to Australia, Minnesotans put on T-shirts, Politicians begin to worry about the homeless, British cars don't start

25* - Boston water freezes, Californians weep pitiably, Minnesotans eat ice cream, Canadians go swimming

20* - You can hear your breath, Politicians begin to talk about the homeless, New York City water freezes, Miami residents plan vacation further south

15* - French cars don't start, You plan a vacation in Mexico, Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you

10* - Too cold to ski, You need jumper cables to get your car going

5* - You plan your vacation in Houston, American cars don't start

0* - Alaskans put on T-shirts, too cold to skate

-10* - German cars don't start, Eyes freeze shut when you blink

-15* - You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo, Arkansas residents stick tongues to metal objects, Miami residents cease to exist

-20* - Cat insists on sleeping in your pajamas with you, Politicians actually do something about the homeless, Minnesotans shovel snow off roof, Japanese cars don't start

-25* - Too cold to think, You need jumper cables to get driver going

-30* - You plan a two week hot bath, The Mighty Monongajela freezes. Swedish cars don't start

-40* - Californians disappear, Minnesotans button top button, Canadians put on sweaters, your car helps you plan your trip south

-50* - Congressional hot air freezes, Alaskans close the bathroom window

-60* - Hell freezes over, Polar bears move south!!





Pau.




- hfs

4 comments:

BillT said...

-70º - Hell freezes rock solid, Teddy Kennedy turns down a beer, Canadians think about taking the screens down and storing them for the winter.

BillT said...

"Monongahela" -- it's an Indian name, not a Mexican one.

BostonMaggie said...

"25* - Boston water freezes"

and Maggie's sister Jennifer starts to smile that evil now-I'm happy-smile.

liberal army wife said...

ooooh ya, ja knooo. Us Minnesoooootans are a hardy bunch. I'm just glad I'm NOT one anymore!

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