4.23.2010

Angst

Have you ever had someone say something to you that sets you back a bit and causes you to try to see yourself as others see you? I was talking with a good friend of mine the other night and she made a comment about meeting me for the first time that made me chuckle at first and then, as I chewed on it for a bit, it really started to...not quite bother me but it definitely was disquieting. The comment she made was that she didn't really like me when she first met me. She tried to clarify what she was trying to say and explained that she just really wasn't sure how to take me.


Ouch.


Normally, I don't give a lot of thought to what others think of me. Not that I don't care - I just am who I am and I understand that there will always be people who just do not like me - not because of anything I've necessarily done but just because they just don't like me. But this person is my friend - someone I would consider to be a very good friend - and for some reason her comment really bothered me. I know I'm far from perfect and probably not even in the same orbit as perfect. I know I have strengths and weaknesses and I'm aware of what most of those weaknesses are (and I'm doing my best to address them). I think that most of my "in real life" friends would agree that I'm pretty up front and honest about my flaws. But sometimes, someone will say something that really just sets me back and causes me to try to see myself as others see me.


I wanted to ask my friend more - what was it about me that she didn't like? Does she still see that same quality in me now (she and I have been friends for a few years now) and does it still bother her? I'm curious to know if whatever it was that bothered her then is something I'm aware of about myself or if this is something I've not yet been made aware.


But I don't want to bother her.


I'm not a fan of navel-gazing. Not like this. But I'd hate to think that I'm missing out on becoming friends with people because of a character flaw that I could possibly address or at least temper. I feel like a preteen. Ick.




Pau.




- hfs

8 comments:

Pogue said...

You know, it might be as simple as an inaccurate first impression...

She's your friend, ask her.

Homefront Six said...

Possibly but I know myself well enough to know that her take on me was probably close to the truth. I know I can be overbearing, brash, and hard to take.

But I'll ask her.

Homefront Six said...

So I asked her. She said it was more to do with the fact that I'm so blunt and almost brazen and that her first impression was a little off the mark, based on the circumstances under which we met.

It was kind of a relief to have talked to her if for no other reason than just to clarify. But that doesn't stop me from trying to step outside and see myself as others see me. I just think that is wise practice now and then.

BillT said...

So, she was taken aback at first, but still liked you enough to hang in there -- which means you *do* have redeeming qualities.

Even if you sometimes forget you're supposed to get Cassie snockered on Blue Hawaiians every time the two of you get together...

Homefront Six said...

Tell you what, Bill...when I see her in the fall, I'll buy her as many Blue Hawaiians as I can.

I do have a few redeeming qualities. One or two.

HMS Defiant said...

I think you have a lot of redeeming qualities and I don't even know you.

I had some snarky stuff but I deleted it. Best of luck with the exams.

Homefront Six said...

HMS ~ aw, thanks! I have one or two redeeming qualities. Otherwise, I don't think MacGyver would put up with me :)

Snark? Here? Say it's not true...(sorry, my sarcasm button has been stuck in the 'ON' position all month long for some reason...NOT one of my redeeming qualities.)

Kate said...

In my experience, the friendships that take a minute (or a million) to develop are often the ones that endure and are of value. So you're outspoken and opinionated; duh! That is one of the reasons that we love you. It may not make for instant BFFs, but it does make for real friendships.