Have you ever had someone say something to you that sets you back a bit and causes you to try to see yourself as others see you? I was talking with a good friend of mine the other night and she made a comment about meeting me for the first time that made me chuckle at first and then, as I chewed on it for a bit, it really started to...not quite bother me but it definitely was disquieting. The comment she made was that she didn't really like me when she first met me. She tried to clarify what she was trying to say and explained that she just really wasn't sure how to take me.
Normally, I don't give a lot of thought to what others think of me. Not that I don't care - I just am who I am and I understand that there will always be people who just do not like me - not because of anything I've necessarily done but just because they just don't like me. But this person is my friend - someone I would consider to be a very good friend - and for some reason her comment really bothered me. I know I'm far from perfect and probably not even in the same orbit as perfect. I know I have strengths and weaknesses and I'm aware of what most of those weaknesses are (and I'm doing my best to address them). I think that most of my "in real life" friends would agree that I'm pretty up front and honest about my flaws. But sometimes, someone will say something that really just sets me back and causes me to try to see myself as others see me.
I wanted to ask my friend more - what was it about me that she didn't like? Does she still see that same quality in me now (she and I have been friends for a few years now) and does it still bother her? I'm curious to know if whatever it was that bothered her then is something I'm aware of about myself or if this is something I've not yet been made aware.
But I don't want to bother her.
I'm not a fan of navel-gazing. Not like this. But I'd hate to think that I'm missing out on becoming friends with people because of a character flaw that I could possibly address or at least temper. I feel like a preteen. Ick.
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