10.09.2010

Whiplash

I was talking with a good friend of mine the other day, filling her in on the "Law and Order" episode that is my life and she commented that my life seems to turn on a dime these days. And she's right - if I look over the past 4 years or so of my life, there have been some crazy twists and turns. Deployments, extensions, homecomings, injuries, surgeries, complications, legal issues, miracles...it gives me whiplash just listing it all. My prayer these days (aside from the ongoing prayers) is that I am bored out of my skull with the mundaneness of my life for the next few years.


I mean, really...is that too much to ask?


Still no word on the administrative fallout of things. But that's ok. I don't want the people in charge of making the decisions to make snap decisions. Especially when MacGyver's career hangs (somewhat) in the balance. I would like to think that the "powers that be" are weighing everything appropriately. And, if the rest of this mess is any indication, it will be Christmas before we hear anything (I'm joking...kind of).


In the meantime, it looks like there is actually a PCS in our future. Our DEROS date has been pushed back and we have verbal plans from HRC (Human Resources Command...aka "Branch") as to our next duty station. However, we do not have orders yet (nor do we have an RFO..."Request for Orders") so I'm skeptical. But that doesn't stop me from looking at places to live on line. I've pulled the Big Girl Panties out and plan to put them on. Which means I plan to go ahead and live where we are stationed, even though MacGyver will likely deploy immediately after we arrive.


It will suck but we will be just fine. We'll have family and friends all within convenient driving (not flying!) distance and there are enough activities in the area to keep us busy until he gets back. And then some. It looks like this PCS will be QUITE the adventure - we plan to do a DITY move (Do IT Yourself aka Personally Procured Move) from Hawaii (yes, you read that correctly. We are certifiably insane.) AND we plan to fly from Hawaii into SoCal and then DRIVE from SoCal to our next duty station.


Like I said, we are insane. But the money is needed, it's quite an adventure that our children will remember forever (especially if their mother has a nervous breakdown and winds up in a padded cell somewhere). And we have some furniture at MacGyver's parents' place that needs to be picked up. So there are reasons beyond our insanity. And it makes for AWESOME blog fodder!


In the meantime, we wait some more. But the fear is gone from this wait (for the most part) so now it's bearable. Life is slowly returning to something that resembles "normal" which is incredibly odd, given the fact that I seriously doubted we'd ever experience "normal" again. I look back over the past 16 months and I am floored at where we were but more so at where we ARE. I didn't expect this. I didn't expect to find any hope in the situation. It's really quite surreal. But, then again, the entire experience has been so why should this part be any different?


I struggle with bitterness. Not so much toward my husband, the situation, or even the Army. Moreso toward the people that either turned their backs on us or who essentially threw us under the bus. I struggle with the urge to go up to each of those people and hold a mirror up to them and ask them what they see. But that's not healthy and it's not worth my time. Or so I keep telling myself. I've lost a lot of people I thought were my friends over the past 16 months and, while I do my best to comfort myself with the thought that they were never truly my friends in the first place, there is still a grieving process that has to take place. Or so I'm told. I'm sure this anger/bitterness is part of that process. Instead, I do my best to focus on the friends that stuck with me (or materialized out of the woodwork, me having never realized they were there in the first place) and how incredible they are. I am blessed beyond measure and my hope is that I can repay that kindness in one way or another at some point.


We have a ball coming up. Which makes me smile because the last ball we went to was somewhat bittersweet, given the fact that I thought it would be our last. However, it was not and now we get to go to another! This one is to celebrate the return of the battalion from Iraq. Last time around, MacGyver was the harem-master. This time, it's my turn to be outnumbered!


And yes, Pogue, I'll post pictures! I plan to be grinning from ear to ear.




Pau.




- hfs

4 comments:

Tricia said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
D2 said...

What places are ya'll looking at going?

I am keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers still awaiting the "final" answers!!

BillT said...

When they're serving the punch, holler out, "Okay, who went for a sim ride over there?"

*snerk*

capt.whalen@gmail.com said...

I am rather looking forward to them. God bless you, your husband and your children.