I am dreading the month of February. Usually I try not to worry about what is to come - if anything, the past 19 months have taught me to try to live in today and not worry about what tomorrow will bring. However, the month of February is shaping up to be a rough one. And I'm already dreading it.

I'm not one for "best friends". Even in high school, I had several friends that I would have placed in that category. Different people for different aspects of my life. All wonderful (the people, not the aspects of my life) in their own way. And as I became an adult (when in the world did THAT happen???) that trend continued. I cannot look at one person (beyond MacGyver who truly is my best friend...as he should be) and say that they are my best friend. I've been blessed to remain close friends with many of my friends from childhood. I have many close friends from college. And I've been blessed to make wonderful friends at each of our duty stations (with the exception of Fort Campbell because we weren't there long enough!). And Hawaii is no exception.

I have a friend here who has been with me through thick and thin. She accosted me at our childrens' school one day, asking if I was a military spouse. Apparently, red-headed, fair-skinned people stand out in a school populated mostly by Asian and Pacific Islander children. Who knew? Come to find out, both of our husbands are aviators and both were deployed at the time. Her daughter was in the same grade as my daughter and we quickly became friends. And I couldn't shake her, no matter how hard I tried! We've seen each other at our best and at our worst and now it's time for her to leave.

And I don't think I can handle it. I really, truly do not think I can do this.

I'm horrible at goodbyes to begin with. I don't do them well. Hell, I don't do them at all. And yet, she's leaving. And she's going somewhere that, most likely, we will not go. My daughter and her daughter are close as well and I can see the pain that is coming for both of them and there is no way I can shield my baby girl from that heartache. And I'm not sure what hurts me more - the fact that I am going to have to say goodbye to my friend or the fact that my daughter is going to have to say goodbye to hers.

I'm crying just sitting here typing this. How in the world am I going to be able to say goodbye for real? Life has been kind in providing some distance between the two of us over the past few months. Her husband came home from a deployment. We started homeschooling. She's working on selling their house. All of which limited the amount of time we spend together. Not that I like it but my hope was that it might make things easier when the time came for them to PCS.

But I don't think that's going to help. Not as I sit here, wiping tears off my cheeks as I type this out.

Add to that the possibility that February might be the month in which we find out if MacGyver's Army career continues or ends and it is really shaping up to be a month I'd rather avoid.

I really don't think I can do this. This is going to be one of those cuts that's going to really, really hurt.


- hfs


Mary said...

Stay strong! And, I will be sending something to your mom to share with you for the homeschooling. I paid good money for it so I hope you will use it!

Brandi said...

I feel your pain and reading your post just made me tear up. On the subject of children saying goodbye to friends, that just gets me every time I think of it! My 13 yr old has had to say goodbye to a couple in the past year and my 4 yr old said goodbye to one. It's been a rough road and it's hard to teach children to make those close connections even though it's going to hurt when they say goodbye.

Good luck! I'll keep you in my prayers as you and your family face this difficult time.

themalloyclan said...

Oh, my sweet friend. I love you. It's hard, so, so hard. Sending you my love and support and hugs across the miles!!!

Homefront Six said...

Thanks everyone. I'm sorry that I'm such a downer right now. I think I need to work on building up thicker skin. Or something.

This is the part of military life that I do not like. At all.


Wrote this six years ago. Nothing's changed.  One of my favorite movies is 'Bull Durham'. And one of my favorite scenes in ...