A friend of mine invited me to lunch the other day, out of the blue.
It about triggered a panic attack.
This whole mess with MacGyver has really balled me up and I hadn't really realized it until my friend issued his lunch invitation. I know it's affected me in many ways...I just hadn't realized just how deeply. I hold my breath when I answer the phone. The first words out of my mouth when MacGyver gets home from work (after I scrutinize the way he exits his car, the way he walks up the walkway, the look on his face as he comes in the door) are "You ok?" or "What's up?". Not "Hi, honey!" or "I love you." I am constantly analyzing the looks on his face, the sounds he makes when reading an email or a text message. I eavesdrop on his end of the phone conversations - mainly to listen to the tone in his voice...in case it's more bad news.
I don't go in a certain gate on post because it takes me right past CID and I hyperventilate driving past. Lately, I've avoided going on post at all because it makes me tense up.
When a car pulls up in front of my house that I don't recognize, I panic. It takes every ounce of self-control to not slam the front door shut and draw the blinds.
The other day, I received a form in the mail from an agency conducting a background check on a friend. I started to hyperventilate until I opened it and realized it had nothing to do with MacGyver. It took me hours to relax.
And then my friend goes and invites me to lunch - rather spontaneously. And I questioned his motives...for no reason. He's military and my first thought was that this had something to do with MacGyver - even though they don't work together and have never actually met. A ridiculous thought but I thought it. And my stomach tightened up and my respiratory rate went through the roof.
I am a mess.
But sometimes, lunch is just lunch. And this WAS just lunch. And a good one at that. I'm hoping we can do it again sometime soon. And next time I can skip the panic attack.
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