February is kicking my ass. And I knew it was going to do so but the intensity of said butt-kicking is surprising even me.
MacGyver finally managed to get off the island after 2.5 years but it was for an Army field trip and he only got to fly a desk. And I swear, if I didn't know better, I'd say that they planned it so that the 2 weeks that he was gone were the most inconvenient 14 days to be gone out of the entire calendar year. He managed to miss The Boy's birthday party, his actual birth DAY, a farewell to some really good friends, several important events at church that he was to be involved in, and several other personal things. Eesh.
Our good friends - who left today (which is a sob story in and of itself) - were in a really bad car wreck late last week. Their car is totaled. They are pretty beaten up but they are ok. Thankfully their children were not in the car. But scary nonetheless. Saying goodbye to them today at the airport was just a notch easier than saying goodbye to MacGyver during the last deployment. I managed to hold it together until we were out of their sight. And then I cried all the way home.
And I'm not one of those people that can manage to still look good when crying. I'm a snot-slinging mess when I cry - a blotchy, puffy, snot-slinging mess. And seeing my children upset just compounds my sadness. Actually, it kills me.
And then today - as if there wasn't enough drama going on around me, my mother called me to tell me she was in the hospital. She passed out, fell, and broke her hip. And I'm stuck here on this god-forsaken island and cannot go to her. We have neither the money or the logistics to make that happen at the moment and I.HATE.IT.
I want this month to be OVER. I am heartbroken, beat up, and tired. This day has sucked. This week has sucked. And this month has sucked and I want a refund. Right now, I hate the Army and would like it to kindly kiss my butt. Hopefully my perspective and my attitude will change but right now, I'm quite bitter and resentful. And it's not pretty.