2.24.2011

Update on mom

I talked to her briefly today - she came through the surgery fine and is recovering. Hopefully they can spring her out of there in a few days. She has help at home so it doesn't look like there is an immediate need for me to get out there. Which is a blessing - it's just not possible right now. Thanks for all of the well-wishes and support.


I"m still wallowing. I'll give it a little while longer but, honestly, I'm actually a little surprised at how stinking hard this has been. I didn't expect such a visceral reaction - I literally hurt. It's not like my friend died. She just moved. Eesh. Get a grip already!


I think it's just a combination of things and I think this little mini-breakdown has been coming for a while. I'd say I "deserve" it but, really, who deserves a breakdown?? That is just silly. But I'll be the first to admit that I am a mess right now. I am. But I managed to get myself and my children through the day so that's a start. It will get better. It has to. If it doesn't, I'm hosed.


The exhaustion is what surprises me. I didn't expect that. Which is why I think this is more than just "I'm sad because my friend left" or "I"m worried about my mom.". I think this is a result of the past 20 months of life and the toll it has taken on me. I think the only other time I have ever felt this tired was after The Boy was born and we were dealing with his HORRIBLE colic and my post-partum depression. That was the last time I felt this tired. And I'm sure that the fact that MacGyver has been gone through all of this recent mess and I'm dealing with it alone doesn't help.


So it will get better. Tomorrow, we might even leave the house! Good grief, that sounds pathetic. *sigh*


It will get better.




Pau.




- hfs

1 comment:

Shannon said...

I check in on you at least once a week. I've felt odd about leaving a comment because we've not talked in so long. However, I wanted to be sure and tell you that you are in my thoughts and prayers and I think about you, McGyver and your babies often... Sorry, you're stuck with me :). Once my friend, always my friend!

I'm sorry to hear about your Mom. I hope she has an easy recovery. I'll be sure to keep her in my prayers too.

My babies' spring break starts here in a few weeks. I'd tossed around the idea of heading south (which is where I consider "home" regardless of where the Army planted us years ago lol). With gas prices, husband's job possibly not renewing later this year - I'd about talked myself out of going "home" to visit my Mother. Unfortunately, she had a mamogram last Friday - and tomorrow they want her in for a biopsy. Both my grandparents died of cancer...so my gut has this creeping "I want to be sick" feeling to it while my mind says to stay calm, wait for the results. Needless to say, the day spring break starts, the babies and I are leaving at 0 dark 30 and heading south....

At any rate, if you need an ear, send me an email! I may be a lurker mostly, but you will always be in my prayers and in my heart!

lots of love,
shan