Don't get any on you

We went to a "Hail and Farewell" the other day (a going-away party that doubles as a "nice to meet you" party in military circles) to say goodbye to some really good friends. We all know how lame I am when it comes to goodbyes but I gutted it out because these people are absolutely worth it. When life was falling apart around us, they stood by us. When I found myself in a deep, dark hole, my friend was there with a flashlight (and a glass of wine if I needed it).

And, while it was great to be there for my friends and formally say "farewell" to them, I was reminded why I have avoided that scene for the past two years. When everything hit the fan with regard to MacGyver's career, some people scattered like cockroaches in a greasy kitchen when the light comes on. It was to be expected - the situation was messy. And I can almost respect that. They ran and didn't look back. Fair enough.

The thing that really baffles me are those people that - even today, TWO YEARS LATER - treat me like I am radioactive; like I'm going to contaminate those around me and that, even by being civil, they might possibly be infected in some way. MacGyver's mess started right before soccer season and this person to whom I refer had children in the same league as my children. Not once did this person say hello - even when social situations would dictate such an interaction. Not once.

At first, it hurt. At first, EVERYTHING hurt. It was just salt on a gaping wound at that point. But two years later, it's ridiculously comical. I sat at the bar during this Hail and Farewell (drinking a coke, in the hopes I might stay awake during it all), watching this person literally walk around the outside of the building to get to the other side rather than walk past me inside the building; not just once or twice but three different times. In the rain.

Who does that? What kind of an adult acts like that? MacGyver's mess is close to being wrapped up. The scary/icky/horrible part of it all is over and done with. There's nothing left to contaminate anyone. It's done. And yet, this person cannot bring themselves to act like an adult. It would make me laugh if it weren't so sad.

As much as it kills me to think about leaving this place, I cannot WAIT to be out of here for this reason alone: so that we won't have to put up with this ridiculousness any longer. I'd love to go to a company or battalion event and not be treated like I have leprosy. But this whole experience has left quite a sour taste in my mouth with regard to company-level and battalion-level events and, should the Army choose to retain my husband, I don't see myself being much involved with those things ever again.

Their loss.

If I could speak personally to these people, I'd point out that they missed a perfect opportunity to rise to the occasion and support a fellow military spouse. My husband didn't die, nor was he injured. But our family was devastated by the events that transpired and, when we needed them most, they failed. They failed to offer comfort, support, kindness, or even simply to reserve judgment at a time where that one simple act would have meant the world.

I bet that gavel gets quite heavy.


- hfs


barksbt said...

and, if nothing else, you have learned you don't need small people like that in your life to make it fulfilling.

Pogue said...

People ashamed of their own actions avoid daylight.

Tracy S said...

"I bet that gavel gets quite heavy."

May I use that line sometime? I like it. My Pastor would LOVE that line. I'm going to run it by him at work on Monday. That just may show up in a sermon here in WI :)

I'm sorry that you are still having to deal with this. What kind of rational adult thinks that by TALKING to you, that would "taint" her or her husband? Very childish. I bet she doesn't talk to gay people either, b/c it might rub off on her. *rolls eyes*

Sorry, when I'm irritated, the sarcasm can get quite strong around here.

BTW, I changed my profile so it shows up with my real name "Tracy S." It used to show up as "Mayberrymom"

FHL said...

Sorry Girl :o( You are right...it is their loss entirely!!! Love you girl and my only regret is that with our busy, homeschooling swirling lives, that we haven't had the chance to spend MORE time together!

Big HUGS!!!

Homefront Six said...

Tracy ~ go right ahead. I actually heard it from a good friend a while back. I try to remind myself how heavy that gavel can get so that I don't find myself lugging one around.

Because, when pointing a finger, there are ALWAYS 3 more pointing back at me.

FHL ~ no worries. I'm hoping we can see each other again soon!

Pogue ~ you are so very, very right.

Ma ~ so true

Oh Hell said...

When your life gets rough you will find out who your true friends are - and aren't. You don't need those kind of people in your life. I'm glad you are somewhat getting back on an even keel. Hugs from CO.

Homefront Six said...

OH~ this experience has definitely been clarifying in that respect. And, in may ways, I am grateful for it.

Curtis said...

I'm tempted to offer an explanation for the behavior but by no means a justification. "Career Army" is the rest of one's entire life. It goes beyond that to the next generation. It is very hard to explain.

Mary said...

Reading this post and the other comments reminded me of a song that was probably written before you were born - I will send "ma" the lyrics to send to you - regardless, keep living your own life; never worry about what others think, say or do - although it's trite - be true to yourself...

Mom5Kids said...

That's just weird. I mean why didn't they just think you contaminated the whole building and stay outside, apparently where they belong.

We really should do coffee before you go. I missed you a lot when we moved churches and left.

Homefront Six said...

Curtis ~ no need to explain, though I wouldn't see it as 'justifying'. I get it. I just don't like it. And the vengeful part of me hopes that, at some point in their lives, they face a similarly daunting situation, only to find that those they thought were their friends make them feel the way they have made me feel.

Mary ~ thanks :)

Mt5K ~ We do. I'll see if I can remember to talk to you about it next time I see you. And I've missed you too. A lot.

Michelle said...

{{{hugs}}} You are totally welcome on this side of the pond!! Wish we could be there physically for you, but we haven't stopped praying!!


Wrote this six years ago. Nothing's changed.  One of my favorite movies is 'Bull Durham'. And one of my favorite scenes in ...