3.22.2012

Eyeore

I seem to have lost my voice. Not literally but figuratively. I'm still struggling to get on top of my sadness and I'm not sure which is better for a blog - to give voice to the sadness or shut up until it passes. Eyeore is really only tolerable in the cartoon.


And I don't know what to talk about besides that which currently consumes me. Maybe 'consumes' isn't the word...life is going on. The Boy and The Girl are doing fine. School is going well - we're on track to be done early with everything except History and Science and those will be done on time. The midwest is still here and still in one piece, mostly. Though it is now spring and I have a feeling it's going to 'sprung' here right quick. Our emergency shelter/area is in the process of being stocked - 72-hour bags, first aid kits, water, food, flashlights, etc. are all being readied. My hope is that we will not need them.


Now that the weather is more tolerable, we're venturing out more. Off to the Big City this past weekend to meet up with some friends and romp a bit. The garden is getting it's head start indoors, just waiting for the danger of frost to pass. Our caterpillars have made the transition into butterflies...well, all except one who seems to be the 'late bloomer', as it were. If the rain would let up, we could release them.


Seems the car and the appliances have taken note of my broken heart and decided to follow suit. Apparently, it's contagious if you're an inanimate object. Working on the dryer. Not on the car - that's MacGyver's area of expertise so I'm leaving it to him. I'll take fuel pump for $300, Alex. We'll see if I'm right.


So I'm still here. Struggling to keep my head above water and not let my sadness overwhelm me. The shock has worn off and I keep waiting for the anger to set in. I can handle the anger. It's the sadness that leaves me spinning. I have nowhere to go with it.




Pau.




- hfs

10 comments:

Crista said...

Been thinking of you often. One day at a time is all you can do.

Marcus Erroneous said...

It's a common theme, we're all trying to figure out this new world without Lex. There seems to be a stirring, folks posting again, commenting on the same feeling. I watched a passenger jet flying through some puffy clouds yesterday and thought of Lex. That was why I even saw the jet, I thought of him and stopped to admire the day for him.

Good to see you back. It's what we owe him.

marcus

Homefront Six said...

Thanks. I'd say it's good to be back but I don't feel that.

Old AF Sarge said...

It's tough but I'm getting back on track. The disbelief and grief are still there, but slowly I'm coming to acceptance. Just thought I'd stop by and say hi. Hope it gets better soon, for all of us.

Hogdayafternoon said...

I see your logo in the places where I drop in and I think of your struggle. You aren't alone with those thoughts of yours. Plus, your Irish, a redhead and female, three of the greatest qualities a human being can posess ;)

Homefront Six said...

OAFS ~ It is tough getting back on track. I feel as though I should and I'm trying but my wheels get very little in the way of purchase. Annoying.

HD ~ Sometimes those qualities are a benefit. Sometimes they are a hinderance. And it's good to see you in some of those places you talk about.

I'm hoping that spring, the warm weather, and a few answers to some lingering questions in my life might help me gain some purchase with my wheels.

We shall see...

Hogdayafternoon said...

I can hear a variation on a Bette Midler moment coming on...`the sand beneath my wheels`... maybe? ;)

Homefront Six said...

Funny thing is, I've managed to get a car stuck in the sand. Not fun!

Homefront Six said...

And I hate that song.

David M said...

We all grieve in our own way and in our own rhythm, but must "experts" will agree that talking about that which makes you sad, can be very helpful in healing that sadness.

So in light of the "experts" advice I vote for writing, and writing, and writing.

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