Yesterday would have been my father's 84th birthday. It's been three and a half years since he died and I still feel it as sharply as I did that October night. And I probably always will. I'll come across something I've read or heard and would love to discuss with him, or I'll have a question about something that I need to ask him. And I'll have the phone halfway up to my ear before I realize what I'm doing.

Today there is a memorial taking place out in San Diego for a man who was very much like my father - smart, insightful, funny, possessing integrity moreso than almost anyone else I know. And the hole in my heart for this man comes close to matching that which my father left. I can't explain why that is - why a man I barely knew, only met once, and only had limited correspondence via email and texts could leave such a gaping hole in my life. And I don't care to. He was my friend and I miss him. We are poorer for his loss. There is an empty chair at the table tonight.

It breaks my heart that I am unable to attend his memorial. But I cannot so I will say a prayer for his family on this day because that is all I can do. And it is enough.

I miss you Lex. I miss reading your insights into the world, for your grounding perspective, for your wicked sense of humor, your integrity, your honesty, your willingness to let us into your life, your love of your family, your job, your life. I miss knowing that, should life not make sense, YOU would. How blessed we were that you do so for 8 years. You are missed.

Thank you for being my friend.


- hfs


Hogdayafternoon said...

:) Cheers among the tears Princess.

Randy K said...

"I can't explain why that is... And I don't care to."

So true... so very true...

william said...

I have shed more tears over this man I never "met" than even some family members.

Teresa said...

Maybe it will eventually help a bit if you look at it from the other way - how lucky you were to have both of these wonderful people in your life. It doesn't take away from missing them, but think what your life would have been like without them. All the great memories they have given you along with their insights. Remember the laughter and the fun times.

Too many are not blessed with that kind of relationship, either in their family or friends, and so they look back and there is... just the hum-drum, everyday memories. Nothing bad, but nothing really special or warm or fun.

It will take time to get to that place and maybe it will never come. But just trying may be a comfort when you are especially low.


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