I leave soon for the Team Rubicon training I mentioned earlier and I'm a bundle of nerves. Part is excitement and part is what I'm assuming is normal apprehension. I just want to do a good job, be useful. Not screw up.

Not too much to ask, is it? I hope not.

Off to drown my nerves in some kick-ass drums.

- hfs


My father's voice

Somewhere in my parents' house, there are audiocassettes that have my father's voice recorded on them. He's been gone 7 years 5 months and 21 days, and while I still 'hear' his voice in my head, I cannot remember what his voice actually sounds like. I was hit with an overwhelming urge to get in my car and drive the 10 or so hours to my parents' house and find those tapes. Oh, to hear his voice one more time.

I am not a fan of March. It is a month bookended by painful dates. I look forward to April as though it is a warm cabin in the midst of a blizzard I am lost in. I just try to keep my head down and plow through to the warmth. Make it out of the cold one step and day at a time.

A friend lost her mother the other day and the only advice I could offer is that it gets...better. It doesn't get easier and I find myself missing him more as I get older, but it does seem to get better. If that makes any sense. I'm slowly coming to appreciate the sacrifices he made for me and for our family and I find I understand him more with each passing day.

I just wish I could tell him so.

- hfs


That feeling...

Like I posted earlier, music has always been a big part of my life. A soundtrack, if you will. My children have inherited this from both me and MacGyver (he's also an audiophile and loves the technical side of things, running sound for our church) and I'm currently writing this post while listening to my daughter's playlist that includes bands such as Metallica, AC/DC, Queen, Pentatonix, and Twenty-One Pilots. I love that they love music. 

I came across this picture today and the question that went along with it made me stop and relive some pretty amazing concerts I had the privilege to go to. 

What concerts have given you this feeling?

For me, there are so many. Growing up in SoCal in the 80s and 90s, just a stone's throw from Hollywood and so many amazing concert venues and in a time where parents weren't so hesitant to let their kids get out there and live, there were so many incredible concerts.

Springsteen at the Coliseum (1985) was my first. With my mom. Amazing.
WHAM at the Palladium (1985)
U2 at the Coliseum (1986)
UB40 at The Greek (multiple times). Probably my favorite venue at the time.

Metallica at the Murph (1992)
Oingo Boingo at Irvine Meadows (1990)
Depeche Mode at Dodge Stadium (1990 - graduation present!)
Red Hot Chili Peppers at the Greek (1989)
KROQ's Weenie Roast (Violent Femmes, Oingo Boingo, The Pretenders, Counting Crows, Green Day, Rollins Band, Offspring, James Beck, Afghan Whigs, Pavement, Frente, Candlebox) (1993)
Better Than Ezra at Colorado State University (1995?)
Jackopierce in Fort Collins (1996?)

This summer, some of my current favorites are headed here for concerts and I am so freaking excited! Between JJ Grey and St. Paul and the Broken Bones, I may not come down off cloud 9, musically speaking. It's been a while - too damned long - since I've been to a good concert. That ends this summer!

- hfs


Team Rubicon

Most of the 3 people that still read my blog know of my adoration of Team Rubicon. My friends of Facebook grew tired of my constant posting about TR about 3 years ago (I don't care - use the block feature. If I bother you that much, the 'unfriend' button is just below the cover photo.) and I keep telling TR that they really need to offer a cheerleader outfit in their store because I really need one. I've written several times over the past few years about TR: HEREHERE, and (heartbreakingly) HERE. And then there are the videos. I could watch them over and over and over. I want to give Harry a giant hug. 

From the moment TR came into existence, I have been itching to get involved but life hasn't made that possible until now. Between littles, MacGyver's Army career, logistical constraints...it just hasn't been possible. Besides, I have some first aid training, an EMT course taken long ago, and very little real-world experience to bring to the table - of what use could I be? And I told myself that for so long that I actually started to believe it.

Two years ago, tornadoes swept through Moore, Oklahoma and I was *this* close to joining TR and going. But I didn't have my pre-deployment training done. Then we moved to Korea so I tabled the idea yet again. But now that we're back, it was time to get my head out of my dark, stinky place and get my training done. 

So I did. 

I am now what my daughter calls a "deployable asset". Ha. She has a way with words. 

Not sure how much of an asset I will be but I'll do my best. I signed up for some pre-deployment training that's taking place live and in-person up north in just a few weeks and I'm...incredibly nervous. I know no one. I have no idea what skills I have to offer, if any. But I'm willing and I believe in TR's mission and purpose with all of my heart.

So I'm going. I will get to learn hands-on damage assessment tactics, help out with a service project, and see how TR operates on the ground. To say I can't wait would be an understatement. I'm hoping the butterflies go away soon - they are annoying. 

- hfs


Wrote this six years ago. Nothing's changed.  One of my favorite movies is 'Bull Durham'. And one of my favorite scenes in ...