Good for my soul

If you ask me, I'll tell you I'm more of an introvert than an extrovert. My friends argue with me that I'm full of crap and really, truly an extrovert. I usually disagree but last night may have swayed my mind a bit. Being around my TR people last night at one of the monthly socials was overwhelmingly good for my soul.

I didn't realize how badly I need to be with my friends - see them, touch them, hug them, talk with them - until I hugged them yesterday afternoon. I had to fight back tears at several different points and I'm typing this with tears in my eyes right now. I needed yesterday/last night in so many ways. Of course, all of this would be easier if they all just lived in my town. But that's a different story.

Over the course of my life, I've had 7 people I know commit suicide. It's never easy. It never gets any easier. The questions you ask yourself are always the same and the answers never come. The shock and the horror and the heartbreak are just as overwhelming the 7th time as they were the first. It's a brutal path to walk each and every time. And the fact that my friends - people I love and care about - are walking that path breaks my heart in a different way that is no less brutal.

Today is James' memorial service. I do so wish I could be there simply to lend a shoulder or an ear to those that need it and pay tribute to a guy I wish I had the privilege to meet. 

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