11.09.2016

Coincidences

Note: I wrote this back in MAR2011, briefly after Lex died. I can count on two hands the number of dreams I remember beyond the first few hours of being awake. Far fewer remain with me beyond that. This is one of them. I still remember it, 7+ years later.

Happy birthday, my friend. I do so miss you. 

*~*~*~*~*

I don't believe in coincidences. And rarely do I dream about things that are impacting my life in the immediate time frame. But every once in a while, I'll have a dream that does - one that speaks to a situation I am facing, a heavy heart, what have you. As I did last night.

My friend Lex died last week (MAR2011) and it shook me to my core. I've spent the week remembering all of the conversations we had had about things mundane and monumental, political and humorous. And I spent it crying. Crying for my loss, but crying more for the loss his family and close friends faced. He and I were not close friends and yet his loss hit me hard, therefore I cannot begin to imagine how hard it hit those that loved him and cherished him all their lives.

The first night I managed to get to bed without tear-swollen eyes, I had a dream about Lex. Rarely do I remember the full details of a dream, the emotions that go along with it. But this one has hung on even into mid-morning, even after having fallen back asleep. In my dream, it was evening and I was at my house (I didn't recognize the house but I knew it was my house regardless). I was sad in my dream - having lost my friend - and was coming home from somewhere. My phone rang and it was Lex. I was walking up the back steps to the door when he called and so I stopped and talked to him.

He and I talked for a bit - about things mostly mundane...what have you been up to and how's the weather? And then I told him that we (his friends) had been really worried about him. He explained that he was just fine - wonderful, in fact - and that he was with "his family". I distinctly remember him saying just that - with a slight chuckle and a smile in his voice, as though he was still getting used to the idea. He was with his family. And I remember just feeling so relieved at the fact that he was ok. We talked some more about all of his friends that were missing him and he kind of paused, seeming almost embarrassed that so many people were so wrapped around the axle over him. But he recovered quickly and graciously thanked us for our love and concern.

And then he had to go. He apologized for the conversation being short - said he'd love to talk longer next time. I told him that we all loved him and missed him and were were glad that he was ok. He paused again and then said thank you - that he was speechless over it all. I just remembering feeling so RELIEVED to talk to him again. He said he'd see me again soon and then, he was gone.

I woke up with a smile on my face and a lightness in my heart that hasn't been there since the day I learned my friend had died. Like I said, I don't believe in coincidences. I do believe in God and Heaven and I do believe that the good Captain is there with his parents that he lost at such a young age, with his sister whose loss was more recent and closer to the surface, and with his friend Terry who was lost on that very bad day. And my hope is that they serve Guinness in Heaven.




Pau.




- hfs

This Lousy World

I'm currently reading Brené Brown's new book, "Braving the Wilderness" and have come to the conclusion that she is my...