Homefront Six

Alfredo Sauce

2012-01-27T10:19:00.002-10:00

I forgot to grab alfredo sauce at the store last week. I needed it to make Pot Roast casserole with our leftover pot roast from earlier in the week. Normally I'd hop in the car and swing by the store to grab a jar or text MacGyver and ask him to grab some but, instead I hopped online and looked up recipes for homemade alfredo sauce. Thankfully, I had on hand everything that was needed! And this sauce came out better-tasting than anything I've ever bought in a jar. I tweaked what I had found just a bit to tailor it to my family's palette:

1/2 cup unsalted butter
1 (8 ounce) package cream cheese
1 Tbsp. minced garlic
2 cups milk (2%)
6 ounces grated Parmesan cheese
1/2 teaspoon ground black pepper

If you compare that to the ingredients in Classico's alfredo sauce, you'll find that
the ingredients in the homemade sauce are fewer and easier to understand/pronounce. And I'm sure it cost less too.

The pot roast casserole was easy-peasy too - the most difficult part was keeping MacGyver from eating all of the leftover pot roast!

8 oz egg noodles, cooked
2 cups chopped cooked pot roast
2 cups alfredo sauce (see above)
1 cup sliced mushrooms
1 cup bread crumbs
Dump it all in a 9x9 baking dish and bake at 350*F for 20-30 minutes.

I served it with steamed green beans, a loaf of freshly baked French bread, and a salad. Yummilicious!

Pau.

- hfs

Coupon binder

2012-01-27T09:24:00.002-10:00

Thanks to Crista, I'm slowly getting the hang of this couponing thing. I don't plan to ever be on any of those crazy Coupon Queen shows or anything like that but if I can free up a few bucks from our food budget and establish a basic level of preparedness in the process, I'm good with that.

One of the things I've been working on this week, as I slowly build my coupon stash, is a coupon binder. I love binders and I love being organized. Letting me loose in an office-supply store is a dangerous thing. In the past, my coupons were in one of those coupon wallets and, while it was organized to a certain extent, it didn't quite work for me. Then I saw someone with a coupon binder and THAT made sense to me! The woman I saw had a zippered binder with sections for things like dairy, meat, canned foods, dry goods, toiletries/household items, produce, frozen foods, etc. And she used baseball card holders/inserts to hold her coupons. INGENIOUS! So I've been scoping out Target and Wal-Mart and the PX for them and then found a sale on Amazon with a price I couldn't beat. Add to it free shipping (yay Amazon Prime!) and it was a go! The sale is over but the card holder/pages I bought came today:

I can't wait to sit down later today and get everything organized. I just need to print up labels for my dividers. I'm not particularly crafty so my dividers are just that - nothing fancy or scrapbook-y about them. But they ARE in rainbow order so that soothes my OCD soul. I'll post a picture of this thing when I'm done with it. I don't want it to be massive - the woman whose binder I scoped out had a massive one. I don't want to have to put it in a backpack so I can carry it. I just want something that holds my small stash of coupons.

What other tricks do you have for staying organized when it comes to your coupons? How do you track what items you're planning to buy at the store when you go?

Pau.

- hfs

Laying low

2012-01-27T09:05:00.002-10:00

Things here have been pleasantly quiet - not just in the past few days or weeks but pretty much since we arrived. Our time in Hawaii was full - full of fun, friends, things to do, places to go, things to see. But here...life is quieter. I'm sure it's because I've not met a lot of people but a big part of it is the feeling I get that I just want to be still. It's really nice to just hang out at home - to putter when I feel like it; to watch a movie when I feel like it; to read a book or bake some bread or troll around on Pinterest looking for the next yummy recipe I want to try out.

I was thinking about this the other day as our small group leader at church was challenging us to listen to what it is tht God wants us to do - how he wants us to step out and go and I don't get that feeling at all. I get the feeling that He's telling me to sit down and be quiet. I tried applying for a job and received a solid "NO" as an answer. Same goes for the EMT course I was planning to take. Every big opportunity I've pursued that would take me out and about and give me 'something' to do has been quashed.

I thought it would drive me batty - I'm normally quite an extrovert. I thrive on being around people and doing things and going places. Like The Girl, my usual first thought of the day is "Where are we going today?". But lately, I'm content to just chill at home. There are days - like today - where I"m going a little stir-crazy but I suspect that is because we've had a run-in with a tummy bug and I've not really left the house since Monday. But I've read 4 books this week, baked some YUMMY meals, caught up on laundry, taught my children (including building the Great Wall of China out of Legos), researched a few things for some ideas I've had, learned a lot about Gross Domestic Product, the Laffer Curve, national debt, mandatory spending versus discretionary spending when it comes to the Federal Budget, had great conversations with my children about Martin Luther King, Jr. and the Civil Rights movement, the Space Shuttle Challenger exploding 26 years ago, 9/11, and many other things. I'm caught up on my Bible reading, and I only have piddly things left to do on my "to do" list.

Normally my "TO DO" list is taunting me but lately, I've owned that bad boy. And I'm cook with that. Plus, if I don't go anywhere, it's harder for me to spend money! So I'm good with that too.

Next week will pick up - not only are we back in the swing of Awana, gymnastics classes, hockey, and co-op but PE starts next week and, while The Boy and The Girl are at Awana, I am meeting a friend for coffee. So the busy-ness of life will creep back in. For now, I'm enjoying the quiet, the warmish temperatures, and plotting my plot and what to plant this spring. It's about time to place an order for seeds and start in on our Botany study. I'm looking forward to being able to step out on to the back deck and pick out salad fixings this summer!

Dishwashing detergent update...and other stuff

2012-01-22T17:24:00.003-10:00

We've had to abandon the homemade dishwashing detergent. Or at least temporarily suspend its use. It was leaving a horrible cloudy/chalky coating on everything, especially the glassware. I need to look into what is causing this and see if I can rectify it. If not, that's ok - this learning experience has only cost me a little more than $2.00.

The homemade laundry detergent seems to be working and our first utility bills (since starting to line dry some of our clothes) have come in and they were slightly less than previous months' bills. I expect to see a more significant drop come next month. And I'm loving the smell of our clothes - just a faint smell of 'clean laundry'. MacGyver's PT gear seems to smell like clean laundry as well which is a plus.

The new year brought changes in spending habits including converting to Dave Ramsey's envelope system. The first pay period was pretty mellow and I was able to dump a significant amount of my spending money back into our cash savings. At the end of each month, whatever of my spending money (and any other overage) is leftover will be split between savings and an extra payment on the credit card. I figure that's covering two bases at once: building up our emergency fund and paying down our debt. Once our emergency fund is where I want it to be (I'd prefer to have 6 months' worth of expenses socked away), ten all of my overage will go toward paying down our debt.

Another way I'm looking to cut down on our food budget is by starting a small garden this spring. I don't have time to grow an apple tree or a pear tree (the two fruits this family eats the most of) but I can plant all of our regular salad fixings, and the majority of the veggies we eat on a regular basis. I ordered the Burpee catalog and the kids and I are having a blast going through it, trying to figure out what varieties of fruits and veggies to order. Right now, my list includes:

~ spinach
~ lettuces (a variety)
~ tomatoes
~ bell peppers
~ strawberries
~ green beans
~ peas
~ carrots
~ radishes
~ jalapenos
~ onions
~ herbs
~ pumpkins (? not sure about this one yet)
~ cantaloupe
~ honeydew

I'm saving the excess money in our food budget to cover the cost of the seeds and supplies. Because the soil here is so junk, most of the things we plant will be either in a raised bed or a container of some kind. The soil on this lot is horribly clay-like and rocky and it will be easier to construct a simple raised bed and plant in containers than it will to get our soil rehabilitated to the point where it will allow us to grow decent food.

Thankfully the extension department at the local university is a WONDERFUL resource for backyard gardeners like myself. And, once we wrap up Astronomy, the kids and I will start in on Botany as our next science unit. I don't expect to get through it before summer break - and that was my plan. We'll use the curriculum all summer long as we tend to our garden (but shh! Don't tell The Boy and The Girl - they won't know that we're still technically "doing school"!).

And now, it's bedtime. The rain outside is turning to snow and the roads are going to be an icy mess tomorrow. For now, I will hunker down with my heated mattress pad (a WONDERFUL Christmas gift!) and stay warm.

Pau.

- hfs

Not too shabby

2012-01-14T11:25:00.002-10:00

Today was my day to grocery shop. Meals have been planned out for the next two weeks and it was inevitable. My list was surprisingly not very long and I had some coupons/deals to take advantage of at the local grocery store before I ventured on post for my main shop. When I signed up for the Club Card at the local grocery store, they gave me a batch of coupons for various items - some for FREE! Even though the items were not ones that we normally use or brands that we normally buy, I'm not going to pass up FREE food! In addition, they were having a special, in-store discount on soy milk, for which I had regular coupons as well so I wanted to start there and see just how low of a price I could get on an item that goes quickly in our house. After the in-store special and my regular coupons, I managed to score the soy milk for 50% of the regular price.

SWEET!

My savings percentage (thanks to the free items in addition to the deal on soy) was 63% at the local store. It would have been higher but they had Vernor's ginger ale and it's something my entire family loves so I couldn't pass it up. It tends to be tough to find.

I have also started a spreadsheet to track the price differences between the commissary, Wal-Mart, and the local grocery store so that I know the best places to get each item in addition to what the 'normal' price is - that will help me budget better in the long run. Surprisingly, the commissary isn't always the least expensive place to buy food. Out of the 45 items in my spreadsheet, about 10 of them are cheaper by a few cents off post. And yes, I realize the commissary doesn't charge sales tax but they do charge a 'surcharge' which is just a few percentage points below the sales tax rate here.

My savings at the commissary weren't as spectacular but they were still significant and, overall today, I saved approximately 18% on my total grocery bill. Not too shabby! And our food bill this go-round wasn't very high (lots of easy, low-cost items on the menu this time) so I used a little bit of our excess to stock up and take advantage of some of the specials the commissary had: 25 cent boxes of pop corn, sale prices on Pilsbury biscuits and bread dough, cheese, and a great price on Clementines!

Years ago, I found a site called The Coupon Clippers and I will order from them from time to time, especially if my Sunday paper is lacking. The nice thing is that I can pick and choose what coupons I want based on our upcoming menu (another good reason to plan menus ahead of time) and our family's preferences. And what I order in coupons rarely costs what a newspaper subscription would run.

One more thing that I've done (thanks to Crista's comment on my last post) is to start tracking my savings. Without even trying, I average about 5% savings per month. Our montly food budget is $500 so that's $25 per month that I was averaging. Times 12 months that equals out to about $300 per year in savings. Decent but I can do better. My goal is to average a 20% savings ($100 per month) throughout the year. That would save us $1000 right off the top of our food budget without having to make any other changes.

In addition to trying to save 20% with coupons, I'm aiming to get our monthly food budget closer to $400. I think it's doable and once this month is over and I have a better idea of our 'normal' monthly expenditure on food, I will know if this is possible without a lot of pain.

My low-cost recipe of the week is Pecos Pasta - one of MacGyver's old camping recipes.

PECOS PASTA

2 cups elbow macaroni noodles (cost = $0.50)
2 cans Stagg chili with beans (cost = $3.00)
1/2 yellow onion, chopped (cost = $0.50)
1 green bell pepper, chopped (cost = $0.76)
1 can corn (cost = $0.85) *can use frozen as well*
1 Tbsp butter (cost = $0.09)
1 Tbsp crushed garlic (cost = $0.05)
cheese to garnish (about 4 ounces for 4 people) (cost $0.75)

TOTAL COST for 6-8 servings = $6.50

1. Cook mac according to package instructions.
2. Saute onion, pepper, and garlic in butter until cooked but still firm
3. Pour in chili and corn - simmer until pasta is done cooking (you want it al dente). Add mac to chili mix.
4. Top with cheese and serve.

* Great with cornbread (cost = about $0.75 for 6-8 cornbread muffins). Makes excellent leftovers.*

Pau.

- hfs

Correcting my math

2012-01-12T17:53:00.007-10:00

Ok - I ran some numbers and my savings on laundry and dishwashing detergent isn't quite what I thought it would be. BUT it is still significant! And, if it keeps me from having to venture out in this frigid weather, I'm all for it.

I ran my first load of dishes using my homemade dishwashing detergent and the load came out quite nicely! I was most curious to see how my cheese grater would come out as it was the most gunked up of the items in my dishwasher. Even though the house we are renting is newish, the appliances in it are not even close to 'top of the line'. The dishwasher, for lack of a better term, sucks. The sprayer arm consistently comes unattached from the bottom of the dishwasher, doesn't retract the telescoping arm, and often leaves much to be desired in terms of the quality of the wash. Needless to say, we prewash out dishes, which annoys the snot out of me. Why HAVE a dishwasher in the first place if I'm going to wash my dishes in the sink before I put them in the dishwasher?!? This load was no different than any other load and received the same prewashing that all of our loads receive.

Before I show you the 'after' picture of the cheese grater, let me show you the recipe I used and the cost breakdown. The ingredients:

1. Borax: $10/76 ounces

2. Washing Soda: $8.75/55 ounces

3. Lemon Kool-Aid: $0.20/pack = $0.80 total

4. Kosher salt: $9.38/48 ounces

My recipe was:
1/2 cup borax
1/2 cup washing soda
1/4 cup salt (used Kosher...it's grittier)
4 packets of unsweetened lemon kool-aid

Using Amazon.com's prices, the breakdown is as follows:
4 oz Borax = $0.52
4 oz W.S. = $0.64
4 Kool Aid packs = $0.80
2 oz salt = $0.40
TOTAL COST for batch = $2.36

I use about 1 tablespoon (0.5 oz) per load which equals out to about $0.10/load. Assuming you compare it with Cascade Gel-Packs which cost $0.27 per load, you're saving about $0.17/load. Not too shabby! A savings of about 60%. And that's assuming that:

a.) you have no coupons
b.) the prices you find are comparable to Amazon.com's prices
c.) I can't find these items at the commissary (I can find Borax, Kool-Aid, and salt but not washing soda)

And here is the final product - my cheese grater!

Pau.

- hfs

Crunchy mama

2012-01-11T18:59:00.002-10:00

I always wanted a clothes line. I have vague recollections of my mom hanging our laundry out on the clothes line in the backyard and, after seeing what our electricity bill was going to run us in Hawaii, it just made me want one more. But the town association had strict rules and it wasn't feasible to run a clothes line in the garage (if you've ever seen our garage, you'd understand why). So no clothes line for me.

Until now. I bought a super fancy-schmancy clothes line but really don't have anywhere to hang it that makes any sense. I could put it up downstairs but the laundry room and our bedrooms are upstairs so it makes no sense to haul wet clothes downstairs, let them dry, and then haul them back upstairs to put them away. Instead, I've put up a shower curtain rod in the space between the cabinet and the wall over the dryer and am using the shower curtain rod in the kids' bathroom for overflow.

I only hang-dry tops, jammies, and lightweight pants. Towels, jeans, socks, and underwear still get tossed in the dryer. Just by drying the tops, jammies, and lightweight pants, I've cut back on our dryer loads by 1/2. I'm hoping to see a corresponding drop in our electricity bill! Thankfully the dry air means that the clothes dry quickly. I'm hoping to get to the point where I can run a line outside once it warms up and start drying jeans as well. We'll see. I suspect that drying the jeans on the line should cut back on our dryer loads and take us to a 66% cutback - or drying only 1 out of every 3 loads. Works for me!

In addition, I found a 'recipe' for homemade laundry detergent on Pinterest a short while back (I LOVE Pinterest!!!) and have been anxiously waiting for my current supply of store-bought laundry detergent to run out. I ran my last load of store-bought today and celebrated by blending up a batch of homemade laundry detergent. It's pretty simple and the hardest thing was busting up the clumps of washing soda. I love the smell and I'm hoping that it doesn't irritate our poor, dry skin. If it does, I'll make another batch, swapping out the Fels-Naptha bar for a bar of Ivory soap. If my calculations are correct, the homemade stuff will cost me about $0.02/load whereas the store-bought stuff was running me about $0.25/load. We average about 8 loads per week so we're talking a little less than $2/week worth of a savings. It's not much but it's something. And, if it works as well as the store-bought stuff, WHY NOT?

And I stopped using fabric softener a while back and switched to vinegar. Originally I had started adding vinegar to the stinky loads (PTs, soccer gear, workout clothes, hiking gear, etc.) and loved how it worked! It was magic at getting rid of the mustiness that seemed to invade our washing machine and any load left in the washer for more than 3 minutes after the cycle was done. Then I read that it can be used as a softener too and that was that! I've not really used softener in over a year. I do keep dryer sheets on hand for loads that will be staticky - especially here where it is so arid and dry.

Because I had the washing soda and Borax out already, I also whipped up a batch of homemade dishwashing detergent. Easy peasy and now it sits in a Snap-Ware container under my sink, just waiting for the next load of dirty dishes. Again, it should save us about $1-$2/week - not a lot but it's still $1-$2 I didn't have in my pocket yesterday!

So now I am left to wonder when I should stop shaving my armpits and go buy a pair or two of Toms shoes. Because I've obviously crossed over in to the crunchy side of life!

Pau.

- hfs

Walking the Dave Ramsey walk

2012-01-07T13:43:00.005-10:00

For years, I have listened to and agreed with most of what Dave Ramsey has had to say. I've talked the talk but found it tough to walk the walk. Moreso from my own lack of dedication and self-control than anything else.

With our budget tightening, it was time to start walking the walk. One of the things Dave advocates is the use of cash for things like groceries, spending money, clothing budget, etc. I'm not usually a fan of carrying cash - it tends to burn a hole in my pocket. However, with little wiggle-room in our budget, it was time to suck it up and do it. I now have three envelopes: FOOD, SPENDING, and EDUCATION. Eventually I suspect that the SPENDING envelope will break down further into CLOTHING, ENTERTAINMENT, and possibly HOUSEHOLD but, for now, I'm leaving it at SPENDING.

Our EDUCATION budget covers things like field trips, open gym days at the local gymnastics place, art supplies, etc. If there is a larger curriculum item to purchase, it will either need to come from our savings or, if there is leftover/carryover funds from the previous month, we can use those. Anything that is left over at the end of each month will be placed in a separate envelope to help offset next year's curriculum purchases.

Our FOOD budget was one place that I felt I needed to make the biggest adjustments. While I've been writing down our budgeted amount on paper, I rarely kept actual track of what was being spent - using my debit card to make on-the-fly purchases and not keeping track of what MacGyver bought if I asked him to stop at the commissary on his way home from work. The funny thing is that our food budget - even when out of control - is significantly lower than it should be, according to the USDA. Just looking at the OCT2011 figures, for our family size, our food budget is more than $100 UNDER what the USDA considers to be a "thrifty" plan. And here I thought we were eating quite well!

Because we don't eat out often, I have chosen to include any dining out in our FOOD budget, rather than SPENDING. Should MacGyver and I actually find time to break away from The Boy and The Girl for a dinner on our own, I would probably use our SPENDING money for that. So far, that has not happened!

One of the tools I'm using to help control our FOOD budget is planning weekly meals, including lunches. It's really helping and, in a moment, I'll give you an example of our weekly meal lineup but first, I want to share some of the money-saving tips I'm trying to adhere to:

- limit red meat (I LOVE a good ribeye! If I'm going to spend money on red meat, it's going to be on a GOOD cut of meat. But, because it's good, we don't feel the need to eat red meat more than once per week.)

- include at least 2 meatless meals per week (thankfully our family likes pasta and has no problem with the idea of breakfast for dinner)

- shop primarily at the Commissary but keep an eye on local retailers' deals and use our "club cards" whenever possible

- cut back on processed foods (Not going to eliminate them but my homemade chocolate chip cookies are MUCH better than Chips Ahoy!)

- double up on inexpensive recipes and freeze one

- keep juice and milk for mealtime and drink water in between meals and with snacks

- make your own if you can do it for less (bread, cookies, snacks, etc. I picked up a GREAT book - "Make This, Buy That" - that does the work of breaking down the cost of making things yourself and helps me decide what I'm going to try to make at home)

- don't waste leftovers! When I am making my meal plan, I know I'm going to have leftover chicken after having roast whole chicken for dinner so I include a meal later in the week to take advantage of that

- I love Costco!

What are your money-saving tips when it comes to your food budget?

Our meals so far this month include:

~ breakfast (homemade waffles, sausage, fresh fruit, eggs)(twice)
~ tomato-basil soup, bread, salad
~ shoyu chicken, rice, salad, steamed veggies
~ spaghetti, salad, bread (twice)
~ chicken black bean enchilada casserole (yay leftovers!)
~ leftovers (twice)
~ soup and sandwiches
~ beef tips, egg noodles, steamed veggies, salad
~ cheesy chicken tortilla soup, salad
~ teriyaki salmon, baked sweet potatoes, salad
~ take and bake pizza from the local place here (had a great coupon!)

I just did my second shop of the pay period and still have money left over for the perishable stuff that I'll need to replenish later this week. And, as you can tell, we need to grow salad fixings in our garden this summer!

Pau.

- hfs

2012 MilBlogging Conference

2012-01-03T16:07:00.007-10:00

UPDATE: Military.com says that they are not going to change the date. Their reasoning is that the venue - the Westin Arlington - only has Mother's Day weekend available. It's unfortunate that there are no other venues in the greater D.C. area that can handle a conference. /sarcasm

The MilBlogging Conference has been in existence since 2005. Every year the conference has been held in April (yes, there was that one time in Vegas but I try my best to block that out). It worked well for most people - didn't interfere with any holidays, school events such as finals or graduations, etc. I was looking forward to this year's MilBlog Conference - it's a family reunion of the dysFUNctional sort and it's good for my soul.

However, the 'powers that be' decided - with less than 5 months until the next conference weekend - to change the date. And in a flash of brilliance, the conference is now scheduled for the weekend of May 11-13. If you look at a calendar, you'll see that weekend is not only Mother's Day weekend but also the weekend where a large majority of colleges and universities across the country hold finals and/or graduations. Apparently no one in this brain-trust thought to actually consult a calendar when making this decision. In one fell swoop, the brainiacs at Military.com (who is owned and operated by Monster.com, in case you were wondering) have eliminated the following groups from attendance:

1.) college students (finals, yo! or graduation)
2.) parents of graduating seniors
3.) mothers who do not wish to be away from the people that made them such
4.) fathers who (if they are smart and know what is best for them) will not want to be away from the woman who bore their children

Brilliance. Brilliance, I tell you. Obviously the person (or people) behind this decision must be in possession of a Y-chromosome. I'm not male-bashing here but I guarantee you this was not a woman that made this decision. No woman would have looked at the calendar and decided to:

a.) fix something that wasn't broke to begin with
b.) change the date to MOTHER'S DAY WEEKEND

Definitely a tool. And not a very useful one, at that.

Regardless of who is responsible, the decision was a poor one and the people in charge need to hear from us. Hopefully the few people that read my blog will put fingers to keyboards and fire off an email regarding the absurdity of this decision. Your two options are:

Ward Carroll (editor, Military.com) - ward.carroll@monster.com
Sarah Blansett (POC for MilBlog Conference) - Sarah.Blansett@Monster.com

My hope is that the brain-trust at Military.com/Monster.com will realize the fact that this decision was ill-advised at best (much like the fee that Bank of America was going to charge its customers to access their own money...lame) and fix it. Otherwise, I do believe this will be the last year for the MilBlogging Conference. Way to go, Military.com. Way to go. Way to ruin one of the most enjoyable, yet dysFUNctional family reunions out there.

Pau.

- hfs

2011 in the rearview mirror

2011-12-31T11:50:00.002-10:00

Our year started off with quite a bang...literally.

We waited to hear from the Army as to MacGyver's short-term fate and, after months of waiting, we heard back that he gets to stay in!

For the time being.

His initial promotion was rescinded and he will have to reboard in the spring but no one here is complaining. Following that wonderful news, we were quickly brought back down to earth by the news that we would be PCSing off the rock that we had come to love into the very flat midwest...about as far away from the ocean as you can possibly get while remaining in the United States. C'est la vie.

We finished out our first year of homeschooling with a bang...and a play! Both The Boy and The Girl enjoyed our homeschooling adventure and asked to continue on the following year (yes, I did ask and yes, their opinion carries with it a lot of weight). So I set about analyzing our successes and failures, our likes and dislikes, and researching the necessary changes in curricula. Thankfully, there wasn't much change necessary.

In the face of the impending move, we set about to hike as many trails as possible, enjoy as many beaches as possible (collecting samples of sand from each), spending as much time with friend as possible, and soaking up as much of Hawaii as we could possibly soak up. We also made a massive "TO DO" list for our visit and started laying plans to move back as soon as possible.

2011 wasn't the easiest of years for our family but it was, in no way, the most difficult. And for that, I am grateful. I have many friends who faced incredibly challenging circumstances this year and my prayer is that 2012 brings with it more good news than bad, more good health than illness, more successes than failure, more joy than heartache. For all of us.

I'm going to close with something I rarely do - a quote from someone I don't know on Facebook. Her perspective gives us all something to think about as we close the door on 2011 and look forward to 2012.

I got onto facebook today thinking that I would post about hoping 2012 will be easier than 2011; but my facebook friends quickly made me realize that this past year wasn't really all that bad. I was going to complain that Troy's contract is up again in two weeks; but then 2 amazing young wives of Wounded Warriors, 4 incredibly strong fiancées and girlfriends who never got to marry the man of their dreams, and 2 inspiring young Widows raising little boys who barely, or never, got to know their Daddies made me realize that having some extra time with my husband at home isn't really such a terrible thing. I thought about complaining that the Marine Corps sent me back a boy who is different both physically and mentally than the one I dropped off at MEPS in 2007, and that he'll be starting off 2012 jobless and still with no help from the completely overwhelmed VA; but then 10 wonderful Marine Moms and 2 incredible Marine Dads who will be starting their 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 6th and 15th years without their sons reminded me that, no matter what, I am so lucky that he came home at all. I came on here to complain about not having what I thought we needed to have a better year...but you all made me realize that, no matter what, I definitely have everything I need. God Bless all of you and your families on this last day of 2011, and all through 2012.

Pau.

- hfs

p.s. go click the links to the left! Please? Thanks!

Well that didn't go as planned

2011-12-28T14:53:00.002-10:00

The best-laid plans of mice and men...

Yep. They went out the window. The holidays snuck up on me and totally derailed my plans to be a more prolific blogger. Between the scramble to get it all done before departing on our holiday travels and the scramble to get all of the schoolwork done before the holidays hit, the computer was cast aside like a Christmas sweater from Aunt Marge. Which is not always a bad thing.

But I'm still here. Still on vacation with no plans to change that any time soon. And it's glorious! We traveled to the west coast to visit family and friends who are like family and had a great Christmas. Even better because there won't be the normal post-Christmas panic attacks when opening the credit card bill. Thanks to a website called Swag Bucks and cashing in all of our change, I was able to pay for the children's Christmas gifts (including the "Santa"/family gift) with Amazon.com gift cards. Everything else was purchased with spending money. I will admit that the plane tickets were purchased with the credit card but no one's perfect, right?

I can't say I'm sad to see 2011 leave. So many of my friends have faced challenges and heartache this year - just seems like a lot of people were nailed with a 1-2 punch or kicked when they were down. I can't count on two hands the number of friends whose main bread-winner either lost their job or faced a serious cut-back in their hours and/or salary. I'm hoping that 2012 brings with it some improved circumstances for everyone. Our situation remains tenuous, moreso by the fact that MacGyver's slot for a class was pulled. We were hoping he could get into the class as a way to help boost his chances when he goes before the promotion board in 2012 but it seems that is not to be. Instead, he will be flying his 'okole off (figuratively, not literally) and racking up as many hours as possible. In the meantime, we are researching Guard and Reserve options as well as civilian employment possibilities. Ideally, we want to get back to Hawaii but that might not be possible. We'll see.

And yes, before anyone says anything (*ahem, my Godmother...ahem*), I am well aware of the fact that, until about 2 years ago, I was counting days until I could get back to the mainland. Stop reminding me. I'll say this in my defense: I moved out when I was 18 to go to college. My parents sold my childhood home and left the state toward the end of my freshman year. I've not found a place since that I could truly call home. We loved Colorado but we were college students. We loved Alaska but didn't put down roots there, really. I don't have any desire to live in California ever again (I will if it comes down to putting food on the table but, really, it's a sinking ship that the rats are leaping off of).

But Hawaii...Hawaii became home to us. Six and a half years is a long time to live in one place, especially if you are a military family. In addition, some of our best times and some of our worst times happened in Hawaii and we were supported through it all by incredible friends. Our children know nothing but Hawaii and we all miss it desperately. It's home. I'm not sure exactly when it became 'home' but it is. I was talking with a friend of mine who IS Hawaiian and I was telling him that I wanted to come home. He asked where 'home' was and I told him, Hawaii. He was so happy to hear that - he and his family work really hard to make everyone feel at home in Hawaii.

So it's home. Didn't mean for it to happen that way but it did and that's how it is. And I'm homesick. Miserably so. But I'll live. In the meantime, I'm hoping and praying a full-time Guard slot opens up on O'ahu for a Chinook Maintenance Test Pilot. A girl can dream.

The new year will bring with it a few more opportunities for travel - up to the DC area for the milblogging conference and to visit family, hopefully out to Colorado to visit old friends and eat good food, possibly up into Nebraska to visit the zoo up there, and throughout Kansas to explore the state. The weather this week and into the weekend is supposed to be unseasonably glorious so I'm hoping we might be able to swap out the water pump on my car. MacGyver doesn't seem to think my clutch is a problem - most likely the noise I'm hearing is coming from the engine mounts. We'll see. He'll be able to look at it as he's tearing out the old water pump. I'm hoping it's not the clutch - that's just money I don't want to spend and the clutch on my car is a bear to swap out (MacGyver has done it on his car - same model - in the past). The beginning of 2012 will usher in a slightly tighter budget with the hopes of paying down more of our debt. My goal is to make us as light as possible, in terms of debt, by the time the promotion board results come out in the summer in addition to beefing up our small savings as much as possible.

That's a tough balance to strike. In the face of a possible loss of job, how do you know how much to put toward paying down your unsecured debt and how much to put toward stashing in savings? Do I stop paying more than the minimum on our credit cards and squirrel away every last penny into savings so that we have more to live on should the paycheck stop arriving? Or do I pay down the credit cards as much as possible in order to not only lessen the monthly burden of minimum payments each month but also to free up as much available credit should we need it to make ends meet? Tough call. Thoughts?

We're about as lean as we can get in terms of expenses. We are ditching Netflix in favor of RedBox. I'm still lobbying to ditch cable completely but I have no one else in my corner. Our utilities are as low as they are going to go. We rarely eat out. The kids are in 1 extracurricular activity. I don't even go to Starbucks much anymore and, when I do, it comes out of my spending cash. Once the holidays are past and the lines thin out at the post office, eBay and I are going to strike up a relationship as I start to sell off a lot of our extra "stuff". I've already started stashing a lot of what I deem to be unnecessary in the guest room downstairs. That way, if we find that we need it, it's still there. If, by the time I get around to putting it up on eBay (or Craigslist if it's too big to ship), no one has noticed that it's missing, then we obviously did not need it. Right now, it's mostly books, baby/toddler clothes, old toys, etc. but there isn't anything that's truly safe in our house unless it was handmade by a family member. Everything else will be scrutinized for possible sale. Not only will this bring in some extra cash but it will also lighten our load should we need to store stuff.

I need to start digging into the regs surrounding Involuntary Separation Pay and what the restrictions with regard to federal employment are as they pertain to it. Ideally, we'd transition directly from the active duty Army to either full-time Guard or Reserves. But I'm not sure if that's possible after accepting the Involuntary Sep Pay. And then there is a the GI Bill to look into. If all else fails, MacGyver can put the new GI Bill to use and pick up a part time Guard slot on the side. So there are options.

For now, it's time to have dinner with friends. And start thinking of the next blog post.

Pau.

- hfs

Changes are a-coming

2011-12-12T09:05:00.003-10:00

Actually, they are already here. If you look to your right, you'll see the Google AdSense toolbar over there (and the Amazon widget further down the right side). I had it set up a while back but when I changed the layout, it got lost in the shuffle. And now it's back. In my efforts to eek out income any and everywhere I can, we'll see if the old blog can help out. Even a quarter is 25 cents more than I had yesterday, right?

I'm in the process of creating a new blog aimed at focusing my efforts to improve our finances. I'm not sure exactly how it's going to look just yet but I have ideas down on paper. I'll let you all know when it goes live.

In the meantime, if you're so inclined, feel free to click on any of the ads that catch your eye. Every little bit helps. And (in reference to an Ann Taylor ad I saw a few minutes ago) I scored Ann Taylor jeans - my absolute favorite jeans IN. THE. WORLD. - for half off the sale price WITH free shipping. All told, I paid about 25% of the normal retail cost ($80+) for brand new jeans. When we lived in Hawaii, I scoured Savers on a regular basis for used AT jeans. I'd find them occasionally for anywhere from $10-20. So $25 for brand new AT jeans is a STEAL especially for things I need (as opposed to simply wanting. Having spent the past 6+ years in Hawaii, I had 3 pair of jeans to my name and 1 pair is falling apart). SCORE!

Pau.

- hfs

Apple-pumpkin butter

2011-12-11T16:42:00.003-10:00

A few years ago (eek...more like 12 now that I think about it), I came across apple butter. I don't remember where but I do remember liking it. I dug around for a recipe and found one but it came out tasting kind of one-dimensional. It was my first attempt at canning anything and I realized how relatively easy (though rather time-consuming) it was. I started trying to come up with ways to 'dress up' the apple butter around Thanksgiving and canned pumpkin was on sale so I decided to mix some in and see how it turned out. I liked it. MacGyver liked it. But the litmus test would be his family.

Each year for Christmas, MacGyver's family makes pumpkin spice pancakes for Christmas breakfast. I figured their pumpkin spice pancakes would go nicely with my apple-pumpkin butter so I brought some along when we went home for Christmas. The A-P butter was HIT - so much so that it garnered me the top-secret recipe for the pumpkin spice pancakes (well, that and actually marrying into the family). Now, when Thanksgiving rolls around, I get the same question each year..."You ARE going to make your apple-pumpkin butter, AREN'T YOU?!?"

So here is the recipe. Enjoy!

Apple-Pumpkin Butter
3 pounds McIntosh apples
2.5 cups apple cider
1.5 cups sugar
2 cinnamon sticks
15 ounce can solid pack pumpkin
1tsp ground allspice
1/2 tsp each ginger, nutmeg, cinnamon

1. Peel and core apples. Reserve. Combine peels and cores + 2C cider in a sauce pan. Bring to a boil over high heat, Reduce heat to low, cover, and simmer 30 mintues. Press through strainer to extract juices. Reserve juice. Discard peels and cores.

2. Meanwhile, combine peeled apples, sugar, and spices with remaining 1/2 cup cider in large saucepan. Boil over medium heat. Reduce to low, cover, and simmer, stirring occasionally 30-40 minutes or until apples start to fall apart.

3. Add reserved juice to apples and return to a boil. Reduce heat and simmer, stirring occasionally 45-60 minutes or until thick. Discard cinnamon sticks. Stir in pumpkin.

4. Heat oven to 300*F. Pour mixture into a 9x13" baking pan/dish. Stirring every 15 minutes, bake 1-1.5 hours or until thick. Blend in blender to remove lumps.

5. Spoon into sterilized 1/2 pint canning jars. Leave 1/2 inch headspace. Wipe rims and threads clean. Top with hot lids and screw bands on firmly. Process in boiling water 5 minutes. Remove and cool completely.

Pau.

- hfs

Gunfunnit

2011-12-10T20:30:00.002-10:00

Seems the Army has thrown a big monkey wrench into my EMT plans. MacGyver was supposed to be on the list to take the Advance Course here, locally, as all of the slots at Mother Rucker were full. He's been pushing to get this class because it will help his chances when the promotion board convenes next spring. He had secured a slot for the class here and then it was taken and given to someone else. So now he has to go to Mother Rucker for the course early next year for six weeks.

I had been counting on his presence to make it possible to FINALLY take the EMT-B course again. It's not in our budget to pay a sitter to watch The Boy and The Girl while I'm in class. It's just not do-able. We're quite tight right now and every extra penny (and there aren't many, trust me) is either going to pay down our debt or into savings in case the Army says "thank you for your service. Have a nice day." next spring. Oh, and possible a new clutch AND a new water pump for my car. Yay.

So, barring a major change in plans, no EMT course for me. I'm frustrated and disappointed. I've been trying since 2000 to retake this silly class, having taken it originally in SoCal before we left for college and got married. The first time I had the opportunity, I found out I was pregnant and you couldn't take the class while pregnant. Two years ago, I found a class in Hawaii but MacGyver's deployment put the kibosh on that idea due to the logistics of being a single parent. Then he didn't deploy but we made the decision to homeschool and that killed off that idea again. I thought I had it in the bag this time - courses are free, MyCAA is still in effect to cover the class even if it weren't free, the school is just down the highway, it was a night class so MacGyver would be available to at least pick the kids up from me when he was done in the evening, etc. Sadly, it does not seem to be meant to be.

And before you remind me that I should be grateful that my husband still has a job...shut up. This is my blog and I'm allowed to have a pity party. After staring into the abyss that has been my life for the past few years, NO ONE is more grateful that her husband is still employed than I am. And I'm very relieved that he will be able to take this course and that it might counteract the effects of the past two and a half years and might possibly allow him to remain in the Army. I GET that. But I am also disappointed and frustrated that I wasn't able to work this out. Please don't rain on my pity party.

So now that I'm not taking the EMT course, it's time to figure out some things to do to help pay off our debts and build our savings a bit. The Army's "golden handshake" is pretty generous but that won't last very long, especially in light of the debts we're carrying. We've been chipping away at them over the past 2-3 years but, each time we start to get ahead, something hits the fan (see above where I mentioned the need for a new clutch and water pump? Yeah..there you go.) I'm going through all of our stuff and starting to get it organized so that I can start putting things up on both Craigslist and eBay. We have too much stuff to begin with so selling things off kills two birds with one stone. I'd put it out for a yard sale but that won't be possible until spring and I want it all gone before then in addition to wanting to pay down these debts as soon as possible.

In addition to selling off a lot of our excess, I'm starting to look for more frugal ways of doing things. Pinterest has been a treasure-trove of resources for this. I've found recipes for homemade laundry detergent, homemade dishwashing detergent, homemade hand soap...all for mere pennies per load/wash whereas the stuff you buy in the stores costs 10-20 times that amount. If I can make my own laundry detergent for 1/10 of what it costs to buy it (even at the commissary), then I'm all for it! In addition, it's better for you as it doesn't have 1/2 of the unpronounceable chemicals in it. I have two children who have relatively sensitive skin so this is a bonus. Plus, it's fun!

There are a bunch of other things that I am doing or plan to do as I cinch down our budget even further. Moving from Hawaii was painful in more ways than one...we lost our cost of living adjustment and we're no longer renting for LESS than our housing allowance. Quite the double whammy to the budget. I think I'm going to start up a blog about our financial adventures and what we're doing to lower our expenses and pay down our debts.

And maybe writing on that one will help me remember to write on THIS one! (and the homeschooling blog)

For now, I'm going to lick my wounds and wrap up this pity party.

Pau.

- hfs

Whoops...

2011-11-14T18:59:00.003-10:00

Didn't mean to let the old blog sit around unattended for so long! Sorry about that. I guess this whole 'settling in' thing takes more time and effort than I last remember. Or I'm older. Or both.

Still waiting on couches. They should be here in about two days. Thank goodness! Now I'll have somewhere to sleep when MacGyver's snoring keeps me awake. Most of the boxes are gone and the remainder will be gone this week - have to make room for the couches! Just in time to have family come and visit.

The kids and I took off to go visit my mom and some family in Georgia. Great trip but a LONG drive. Can't say I want to do THAT again any time soon. Nothing eventful save for the rain on the way back. I picked up two dressers that my father made. One will go in the guest room and the other will hang out in the media/Lego area for the time being. I had planned to give it to The Girl but we found her a dresser at a yard sale so she no longer needs it. I had hoped to bring back a rocker my dad made and a few other things but I didn't have room for them in the truck. That's ok - they aren't going anywhere. It's nice to have some things that he made beyond just my bed and the few other odds and ends he gave me over the years. His craftsmanship is unrivaled. Once I get the dressers set up, (and get my hands on a flash card reader that actually READS flash cards and works with my computer) I'll take pictures of the dressers and his work. You can't find furniture like this anywhere.

The day we got home from our road trip, it was raining. Thankfully, two of my mom's friends came and helped us load the dressers and cover them with tarps. One of the guys is prior service coast guard so those tarps weren't going anywhere. The next day, it was still raining and we took off to church for a military spouse get-together. When we came out a few hours later, the rain had turned to SNOW! The kids were beside themselves with glee! The Boy scooped up his very first ball of snow and then promptly threw it at his sister's back. They are HUGE 'Calvin and Hobbes' fans and have been itching to recreate some of Calvin's snowscape masterpieces. Sadly, by the time we got home,t he snow had turned back into rain. I consoled them with the fact that there will be plenty of snow again soon enough. The next morning, they were up with the sun, donned their snow gear, and headed outside before I had even made it out of bed. There was nothing more than some ice on the back deck but that didn't bother them - they had a great time. They'll have a blast the first REAL snow we get!

I found out I did not get the coaching job. They hired a head coach from within and I was interviewed for the assistant coaching position but they opted to go with someone else. I think this was a blessing - the more I thought about the job, the more I realized that the logistics of it all would be a hassle. It was doable but not necessary. And I think that taking the job would have made taking the EMT course I want so badly difficult. So I remain unemployed and I'm ok with that. Gives me time to surf the Hawaii real estate ads.

I'll write more soon - hopefully from the comfort of my new couch!!

Pau.

- hfs

A full plate

2011-10-21T11:19:00.002-10:00

I was bouncing around the internet the other day and came across the job listings for the local school district. I'm always curious to see who is hiring, what positions are open, what the pay scales are, etc. Not that I plan to set foot back in a classroom anytime soon (other than the one that is in my basement) but I like to keep up on things in my profession. While I was meandering around, I came across the listing for a head swim team coach at the local high school.

Hmm...

I could do that. Maybe. So I dropped the Athletic director a note, inquiring as to the particulars of the position: pay, practice times, season dates (boys' and girls' seasons are separate), etc. the information I received back assured me that, yes, I CAN do this. The dates/times/pay all fit in with this thing we call our "schedule". The Boy and The Girl might have to sign on as my assistant coaches each day until MacGyver can pick them up but it won't kill them to spend some time on a pool deck. And I should probably be able to tweak practice times on the days that my EMT class meets so that is a bonus.

I dusted off my resume (actually, I redesigned it thanks to a friend and her advice...it's what she does so, if you are in need of resume advice, drop me an email and I'll give you her contact information. Her rates are quite reasonable!) and my cover letter and filled out the online application. I sent it off this week and now I wait to hear back. I suspect that attaining the job will be the easy part. The logistics of actually performing the job will be the challenge. Homeschooling two children with a husband whose flight schedule is anything but predictable should get interesting. Especially when you throw in a night class to make things interesting. But it will work out. I hope.

If not, the kids will also get to schlep with me to my class and learn all about trauma care. Fun times!

The weather took a turn toward winter this week. Woke up one morning to a low of 23*. My knee is anything but happy about that one and my Raynaud's issues decided to flare again. Wonderful. Though maybe the Raynaud's is a good thing - I can always try to get it classified as an EFMP (exceptional family member program) qualifier and get us sent back to a more temperate/tropical locale...

MacGyver has flown a few more times including some night flights. The Boy and The Girl are not used to this so it's been a bit of an adjustment for them. They don't remember a time when Daddy's schedule was not 9-5. I find it amusing that, for someone who craves routine and predictability (me), I am relieved to have him back on an unpredictable schedule. My brain confounds me most days. He has a few TDY trips coming up (business trips) in the near future so the kids and I will get to experience that part of military life again as well. I need to pop over to my mom's (does anyone 'pop' 1,000+ miles? I don't think so) so we'll probably do that while MacGyver is TDY. We'll see...need to work some logistics out there as well. But I need to get it done before serious winter weather sets in: partly because she has the majority of my winter clothes but mostly because I don't want to be driving across several states in icky weather. And it will be good to see her again. The kids haven't seen her since she was in Hawaii more than a year ago. I'm hoping we get to visit other family that is in the area as well.

Then it will be time to gear up for Thanksgiving. I'm excited to have a Thanksgiving that involves fall temperatures and NOT sweating my okole off in the kitchen. But I am going to desperately miss the big potluck dinner that we normally have at church. I'm counting the days until May when we get to go visit. Hopefully our couches will be here before Thanksgiving.

Tonight it's girls' night out. The kids are hanging with MacGyver and I'm heading out with a good friend. Nothing exciting - dinner and maybe some music. But it will be nice to head out for a bit!

Pau.

- hfs

Hail and Bail

2011-10-16T10:48:00.004-10:00

'Hail and Bail' aka 'Hail and Farewell' aka 3 hours of one's life you'll never get back. It's one of those wonderful events that, when handled at the unit level, can be a lot of fun but, when handled at the Battalion level, is never really the same. MacGyver's been a part of this unit for a whole week and came home in those first few days with a calendar.

Keep in mind the fact that, during my last 2 years in Paradise, I was so far off the FRG's and battalion's radar that I never heard word one about upcoming events. SO I was a little surprised when he brought home a calendar in the first few days that laid out not only social events but training events as well. It's going to take me some time to get back into the swing of this whole "Army wife" thing. Heh.

Anyway, because this was MacGyver's 'hail', we HAD to go. Thankfully, children were welcome because I don't have a babysitter yet. I have to admit, I was really not looking forward to it. At all. Call me a coward. Call me a wuss. I don't care. After the last two years or so, the last place I really want to be is surrounded by a bunch of battalion-level staffers and their spouses. I'm a little gun-shy. It's that whole 'once bitten, twice shy' thing. But I plastered a smile on my face and got dressed.

And I'm glad I did. There weren't too many people from MacGyver's unit there but the few people I did meet were nice. His platoon leader was there and he and his wife seemed quite friendly. And - small world that Army aviation is - we ran into a woman who wrote a letter of of recommendation for MacGyver back when he was applying to flight school. She's retired Army herself and married to the SGM of the battalion. I thought I recognized her when I first saw her but couldn't place her. After the festivities were over, she came up and introduced herself and said hi. Small world! The company commander also introduced himself and made the anticipated pitch about getting involved in the FRG.

I politely declined.

Don't get me wrong - I will go to the meetings, meet the spouses in the unit, attend some events as warranted. But that's as far as it will go. There's some serious scar tissue there.

In more exciting news, after 28 months of being out of the cockpit, MacGyver has flown again! He texted me after he landed with some of the best words I've heard in a while: "I are a pilot!". Alongside from "charges dismissed" and "retained in the United States Army", they brought a smile to my face. Looking back, neither of us thought he'd EVER see the inside of a cockpit again. This was most definitely a sweet, sweet moment. And now, hopefully he'll be flying his proverbial okole off. His future in the Army is very much up in the air so the more hours he can get under his belt, the better off we'll be if he needs to start looking for civilian employment. In the meantime, he's planning to fly as much as possible. And, given the fact that the unit and the battalion are short on MTPs, that shouldn't be a problem!

The settling in process continues to move along. The house is kind of stalled - all of the other rooms are good to go but the living room is still unfinished. We finally ordered living room furniture this weekend but it's going to take about a month to get here. That was the biggest furniture purchase MacGyver and I have made in our entire relationship - made me feel like a grown-up. Ick.

School is going well. The kids are settling in well and have plenty to keep them busy, including friends. That is a huge blessing - it broke my heart to see my daughter so sad and homesick and lonely. My homesickness continues but I can handle it. I pipe Hawaiian music through my phone into my car stereo and I listen to my pastor's sermons online. So denial is a great place! It's getting cooler here but the weather is still quite beautiful! It's just about fall and I can't wait to break out the fall-scented candles and warm sweaters. Oh, wait, I don't have many warm sweaters. I've been shopping Goodwill and the Salvation Army and all of the sales on line in the hopes that I can find a few deals. Most of my warm-weather clothing is at my mom's house so I need to figure out how to get it here. Might be a roadtrip coming up soon!

In the meantime, we are enjoying our time here and reminding ourselves to be thankful that MacGyver is still in the Army and still flying. It doesn't get any better than that!

Pau.

- hfs

Three years

2011-10-06T04:12:00.002-10:00

Time flies.

I miss you, Dad. Mom's doing well. You'd be proud. Or you'd cringe because she's using the hedge trimmer and other power tools...I'm not sure. But she's doing well.

love,
me

If You Give a Mouse a Cookie

2011-10-04T16:51:00.003-10:00

I'm sure you've all heard of the children's book, "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie". There is a spoof on that story titled "If You Give a Mom a Muffin" and both pretty much resemble my life at the moment. I'll get started on something - putting the contents of a box away - and then, in the process of putting something away, I'll come across a window track that is filthy (they are ALL filthy...ick) or items that are in one room but belong in another, or a picture that needs to be hung - and the box is completely forgotten and left sitting half-empty with the contents strewn about. It's moving-related ADD. I wish there was an 'H' to go with that acronym but there is not.

We are still without a couch which makes it challenging, mentally, to get my living room truly put together. And it also makes it tough to have friends over for dinner. I have nowhere for them to sit unless I bring in the beach chairs (um, no.). We drove out to the big city (about 100 miles away) to check out this massive furniture store (and go to COSTCO!!! Good Lord, do I miss Costco!) but didn't really fall in love with anything. We know what we want but we didn't find IT. So we're going to head in the opposite direction this weekend and see what we can find. In the meantime, I scurry around trying to get things put away.

We've sorted through a lot of stuff and already have 2 big boxes set aside for a yard sale. And lots of stuff is also in the "donate" pile as well as in the garbage. I'd love to weigh what we're getting rid of just to know where we stand weight-wise but I can't. Hopefully what we get rid of will outweigh the new furniture we're planning to buy!

Homesickness is hovering and I hate it. The Boy isn't really homesick much, especially now that he has his stuff around him. But The Girl is struggling. She misses her friends, our church, our neighborhood, our activities...everything that is familiar to her. I can't say I blame her. I'd hop back on a plane in a New York minute if I could. But I can't. So I do my best to set it aside, focus on finding things to do here, getting settled in. But there's an ache there that hasn't been there since we left Colorado in 1998. I didn't think I'd ever miss anywhere as much as I miss Colorado. But I do. More so.

MacGyver had his first day at work this week. A lot like your first day at a new school. Thankfully, the Army is small and the Chinook world is even smaller which means we know people here. More than I even expected! We're running into people we've not seen since we left Alaska. It's great! And, in even better news, MacGyver is on the FLIGHT SCHEDULE for next week!!!! I'm so excited, I can barely contain myself. I'm tempted to toss the kids in the car and go spectate. And take pictures. Except that MacGyver would probably throw things at me.

The trees here are just starting to turn colors. I need to take pictures of the trees on the way on to post each day so I can time-lapse them and watch the colors change. I can't wait for it to be full-blown fall. Right now it feels more like summer in Hawaii than fall. Everyone is amazed that it's as warm as it is given the fact that it's the first week in October. I have a feeling, based on a few things that I've heard and seen, that we are in for one hell of a winter. Thankfully, MacGyver's truck is 4-wheel drive and I have experience driving in snow and on ice. I am NOT looking forward to the wind. At all.

More good news on the EMT front. The classes were offered this semester on the two days that most interfere with our family's activities. But NEXT semester, they are changing the days around and the class will be offered on the two days that are perfect for our schedules. I'm hoping to get to the Ed Center on post and get things rolling soon.

There's a "Hail & Bail" coming up soon. We'll see how that goes. I can't say I'm interested in getting involved in anything having to do with the FRG or the unit aside from getting together with friends. It's that whole "once bitten, twice shy" thing.

Pau.

- hfs

If These Walls Could Talk

2011-09-29T17:45:00.002-10:00

The war on cardboard continues and I think I'm winning. The empty boxes outnumber the full boxes so that's a point in my favor. The fact that the empty boxes are still here is driving me batty but that should be remedied this weekend, thanks to Craigslist. Currently, there is a wall of approximately 25 Dishpack boxes separating me (where I sit in the kitchen) from my living room.

Not. A. Fan.

The house we've rented is huge. It's easily twice the size of our house in Hawaii and then some. Our goal during our time here will be to NOT expand to fit the space. As I unpack, I am amazed that we managed to fit so much into so small of a space. In Hawaii, our "school room" was simply space in the living room that I eeked out. Here, we have a basement that measures somewhere in the vicinity of 800 square feet that will house not only our school area but MacGyver's office and the kids' video games and Legos. Both The Boy and The Girl now have their own room whereas in Hawaii they shared a room. And it's funny because, in Hawaii, I thought they had too much stuff but now that they are each in their own space, their rooms seem sparsely furnished.

The town that we live near (not in...we're *just* outside city limits) is a combination of the typical "outside the gate" town combined with a town that actually has quite a history. Many of the homes in the original city neighborhoods date back to the 1920s and earlier. The "downtown" district is ripe with history too but the socioeconomic situation prevents it from truly showcasing that history. And that kills me. The houses here have what my dad would call "good bones" - old Craftsman-style homes with sweeping front porches and tons of architectural detail. The buildings downtown are the same. This town is ripe for an episode of "If These Walls Could Talk" and yet, no one is developing this. The houses are run down. The downtown district has more bars and pawn shops than actual stores or eateries. It truly is a waste. Part of me wishes we were going to be here longer than we anticipate so that I could not only buy a home in the "historical district" and fix it up but also get on to the Chamber of Commerce or city planning committee and encourage them to work to bring in businesses that better reflect the character and history of the town as well as to start up a city beautification push.

I did find out - through MacGyver's inprocessing - that classes at the local community college are FREE. F.R.E.E. FREE. So that EMT course that I was interested in taking just became a little more attainable. Now I need to see about a babysitter because it looks like MacGyver is going to be busier than a one-legged man in a butt-kicking contest once he gets back in the cockpit. Which is just fine by me.

It's late and I'm getting the stink eye from my husband so I will wrap this up for now. More to come. In preparation for my next post, I encourage you to read the children's book, "If You Give A Mouse A Cookie". Trust me, it will make sense once I post.

Pau.

- hfs

I need a name

2011-09-20T10:45:00.001-10:00

The state that we've moved to requires us to name our homeschool. I am not creative in any way, shape, or form. So I"m asking for input from you. Ideas? I'd love to come up with something witty, using Hawaiian words, or a possible Calvin & Hobbes reference. Let me know what you come up with in the comments!

Pau.

- hfs

Adventures in Moving - Road Trip 2011 (part 3, I think)

2011-09-18T16:58:00.002-10:00

I had to go back and read where I left off so I know where to start. Story of my life! Grand Junction wasn't anything remarkable...mainly because we weren't there long enough to see anything. The next day, we rolled out after gassing up and started our long, slow slog up the Continental Divide. About an hour outside of GJ, we passed what had to be the most pristine setting for an RV park - right on the Colorado river and right next to a horse pasture. If we had only known...

However, if we had known, the 10 year old would still be there after refusing to get back into the RV. So it's probably a good thing we didn't know. The drive up the Rockies was slow but relatively uneventful, save for the beautiful scenery. And the gorgeous temperatures, given the fact that my car was without a/c. The descent into Denver was stressful for me, driving behind the RV that my husband drove which carried my children. I do not doubt his driving skills. He's a solid driver. But gusty winds, winding roads, 6% downhill grades, and a 28' RV with a 12' trailer make this mama stressed out. Thankfully we all made it safely. We spent 2 days in Denver which is nowhere near enough, if you ask me. But we'll be back.

We introduced the kids to the glory of Beau Jo's pizza. They got it. Part of me was hoping that they didn't so I could steal their pizza crusts and slather them with Colorado honey. Alas, they gobbled up their crusts and didn't share any with their mother, the woman who gave them LIFE. Ingrates. Both of them! We spent a few hours at the Tattered Cover Bookstore in LoDo. Not nearly enough but it was a start.

We'll be back.

Then it was time for the 500 mile push into the Sunflower State. It was a hot day and a LONG drive. That pretty much sums it up. MacGyver reserved us a site on a lake which was a nice introduction to Kansas. Pretty scenery, nice people. We're slowly getting acquainted with our new surroundings. We hit the ground running the next day, scoping out houses. After a few days of searching, it looks like we have found a house that works for us which is a blessing. After our last temp lodging experience - all 75+ days of it - I was worried we'd see a repeat and wind up languishing in temp lodging hell yet again. I'm doing my best not to count my chickens before they hatch (we do not have a signed lease as I type this but we do have a verbal agreement) but it looks like we have a house.

The house is more than DOUBLE the square footage of our house in Hawaii. I'm not sure how I'm going to fill it - we don't have enough furniture to fill that kind of space. We'll have a bedroom for The Boy and The Girl (previously, they shared a room), an office for MacGyver, and a dedicated guest room! In addition to that, the basement family room is big enough to serve as both the family room (read: video game area...no video games upstairs! Yay!) and our school area. I am beyond excited! I can put a map on the wall, a white board, posters...you name it! There is room not only for my desk but for the kids to each have desks/tables once I find them on Craigslist. The master bedroom is easily double what we had in Hawaii. The backyard is huge and has a nice hill that will make for some great tubing runs once the snow falls. It's in a quiet neighborhood that is comprised of both local and military families, is relatively close to the airfield, and is close to a few friends. We're hoping to solidify a move-in date and a date for delivery of HHGs this week.

We've not yet started school (1OCT is our start date) but we did hook up with the local military homeschool group and go on a field trip/tour of a local dairy. We were able to see how the cows are raised, the milking facilities, the veterinary facilities, the bottling facility, and we were able to taste some incredibly delicious farm-fresh milk. The families in the group seem nice and were quick to welcome us which was great. It's not as involved as our co-op back in Hawaii but they offer art classes, a choir program, and monthly field trips.

And, because every move needs some excitement, I've managed to catch a cold and I'm losing my voice. My kids are thrilled. I am not. Hopefully it's short-lived. MacGyver should be hopping back into the cockpit in the next few weeks. It's been 26 months so he's rusty but he's studying as much as possible and I'm hoping it's a lot like riding a bike in that it comes back to him quickly.

So that brings us to today. Somewhere in that chaos, The Girl turned 10. I'm not sure how that happened, exactly. She was just born yesterday. But now she's 10 and wearing my shoes. We're taking her this week to get her military ID. She's over the moon about that prospect. Where does time go?

I should hit the sack and see if I can regain my voice somehow.

Pau.

- hfs

Adventures in Moving - Road Trip 2011 (part 2)

2011-09-09T19:24:00.002-10:00

We've managed to survive 3 days of our road trip thus far. No one has been killed, no children have been offered to the Gypsies, and no obscenities have been yelled. However, we're only about 1/2 way there. We've had some major changes in our plans, starting off with deciding not to drive the RV up to the Pacific Northwest. Given our experiences over the past three days, I'd say that was a wise decision on our part. Let me recap.

We were aiming to leave SoCal around 9am (entirely too late in my opinion but it had it's upsides). Between the last minute minutiae (I LOATHE minutiae of any kind) and a blown fuse that prevented the inverter from, well, inverting (and thus powering our assorted electronics), we didn't really get on the road until 1030am. And that was after being accosted by two of the grumpiest old men I've had the displeasure of coming across in the Costco parking lot.

When the kids and I landed back in SoCal, MacGyver picked us up...in MY car!! We could only ship it to SoCal on the military's dime and we were going to pay our of pocket to ship it on to Kansas because it wasn't due to get to SoCal until after we had left. But it arrived EARLY. I was so excited to see it! And, since we had it before we had to leave, we decided to take it with us. Because we are towing a trailer, I am driving my car. It saves us (after deducting for gas) about $600 by not having to ship it in addition to having the added convenience of having a car and not having to drive the RV in and around town.

So back to the trip. We drove out of SoCal and made it as far as Adelanto (near Barstow) when the RV suffered a blow out. Thankfully it was on the rear and MacGyver was able to pull off safely. We swapped it out with the spare and were on our way. Just a side note to the story: my a/c blew a hose days before it was to be shipped. Not a big deal - MacGyver planned to fix it once the car (and we) arrived in Kansas. We didn't plan on driving it through the desert of Southern California in a late-summer heat wave. Needless to say it was HOT. And my car runs warm on the inside to begin with. Not fun. I chugged more water that day than I have all summer long. We made it to Zion late in the evening, missing the splendor of the drive in. We found our camp spot and settled in for the night.

The next morning, we awoke to some of the most majestic views a person can imagine. If you've never been to Zion, I would recommend you do so. Tomorrow. We didn't get to see 1/10th of what we wanted, having only a day but what we saw was incredible! The kids now have National Park passports and are learning all about our National Park system. I was sad to drive away from Zion this morning.

From Zion, we started our slow climb up to the Continental Divide. We made it as far as Grand Junction and that is where we camped for the night. A few maintenance issues took up most of our time this evening but thanks to MacGyver's skillz on the waffle iron, we had delicious waffles for dinner. Next, it's on to Denver. I can just about taste the Beau Jo's pizza from here!

And we received word yesterday that our HHGs are already in Kansas, waiting for us. w00t! Now we just have to find a place to live.

For now, sleep. Pictures when I have decent bandwidth.

Pau.

- hfs

PacNorWest

2011-09-01T19:25:00.003-10:00

It's COLD up here. We were supposed to have driven the RV up here to visit friends and family on our way to the Sunflower State but, after giving that some serious thought and checking out last-minute ticket prices on line, we opted to fly up instead. Actually, some of us opted to fly. MacGyver, given the fact that it's been 2+ years since he last set foot in a cockpit and given the fact that he's going to have to hit the ground running (to the cockpit) once we arrive, opted to stay home and bury himself in the -10, the 5&9, and the MTP checklist/handbook that he has. Saved us wear and tear on the RV, 20+ hours of hard driving, and really only cost us about $150 more than driving up would have cost.

All in all, I think it was a wise decision.

So the kids and I are visiting while MacGyver studies. We're freezing while he bakes. It's chilly up here, even when it's warm. And SoCal is still experiencing quite a heatwave. One of the first things we did when we arrived was go SHOPPING. My poor children only had shorts and T shirts. So we hit up Kohl's, Target, and Fred Meyer. Oh, how I have MISSED Fred Meyer. During our time in Alaska, that and Sam's Club were the only evidence that civilization existed in Fairbanks. I spent many an hour with my baby girl in Fred's in Alaska.

Today we hit the Point Defiance Zoo with the cousins and had a great time! We've missed them and it's always good to reconnect with family. I did not bring a camera on this excursion so I don't really have pictures to post. The zoo was nice - the setting was gorgeous. And the fog burned off nicely to the point where I could actually say I was warm! Tomorrow is supposed to be even nicer!

I had to resist the urge to buy The Boy a Carhartt jacket. It was a great jacket and I had forgotten how much I love Carhartts. They are a staple in Alaska. But I couldn't justify spending $75 on a jacket for a 7 year old boy. So I didn't. It's very possible that we might wind up living over this way in the future so I'll think about it if and when that happens.

It's been great to hang with old friends here. It's a lot like going home. It was so hard to say goodbye to them in February so it's wonderful to be with them again. Almost like we're back in Hawaii, hanging out as usual. And it won't be AS hard to say goodbye to them this go-round because we'll be back in a few months for Christmas. So I'm not dreading it quite as much.

I'd write more but there is a Tempurpedic mattress along with a warm blanket calling my name. So I'm out!

Pau.

- hfs

Adventures in Moving - Road Trip 2011 (part 1)

2011-08-27T09:06:00.004-10:00

It's been a week since we left Paradise and the start of Road Trip 2011 is about here. For those that don't know the plan, we are taking MacGyver's parents' RV and hitting the road to Kansas, although it's the scenic route. We're heading north to see friends and family. Then we'll meander our way south and west, stopping off in Colorado to see more friends (and eat Beau Jo's pizza!!!) before heading to the Sunflower State.

Our week here in The Land of Fruits and Nuts has been...odd. I haven't lived here since MacGyver was at Basic/AIT in the late 90s and I feel like quite the foreigner in my own hometown. Not a fan of that feeling. We packed the kids' BMX bikes in our plane luggage so we have them with us and have been checking out the local BMX tracks. They are quite different from our home track on Oahu (where else can you ride BMX bikes by the OCEAN?) but different doesn't always mean bad. The people have been incredibly kind and welcoming, the tracks have been a lot of fun, and it has been great to experience BMX riders and their families outside of our paradise.

While we've been here, we've had the chance to hit LegoLand and spend some time up in Big Bear. I had forgotten how much I love the mountains. The smell of a Jeffrey Pine is probably one of my favorite smells on this planet.

Now we're back home and loading up the RV for our road trip. As we load our stuff on the RV, all I can envision is Cousin Eddie.

Oh, Eddie... If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn't be more surprised than I am now.

Just so you can get a visual, here's a picture of our tenement on wheels.

That's not actually a picture of ours - just one that is similar. We drove it to the BMX track last night to get a feel for it...well, MacGyver drove it. I did not. Driving something that big in Los Angeles traffic makes my stomach tie up in knots. I should be good on the open road but LA traffic in town is stupid nuts. Not to mention the fact that they are doing work on I-5 and the shoulders are all tore up so the lanes seem even more narrow. I was a basket case going out to the track last night. I keep reminding myself that I've driven a U-Haul truck in this traffic and that, if 65 year old men (and women) can drive these things, so can I but I might need a Xanax to do so.

Thankfully, MacGyver found the manual for the RV and it has a very helpful graphic on the front to help remind me of my role in this road trip.

You can't see her feet but I'm pretty sure she's barefoot. And that skirt hides the fact that she's pregnant too. Cracked me up.

I have pictures from our time in San Diego and Big Bear but I've not yet edited them. I'll get them up a little bit later. Right now, it's 110 degrees outside right now and the pool is calling my name.

Pau.

- hfs

California dreamin'

2011-08-24T13:01:00.002-10:00

Forgive the absence, if you will. We've been out and about. We loaded up the rent-a-dent and took off south. Hit a new (to us) BMX track in San Diego and had a blast. While it's not our usual (where else can you find a BMX track on the OCEAN? Nowhere.) it was a great ride. The track owner has done copious research into what materials make for the best track surface and it shows - hard packed, good drainage. minimal dust, even in SoCal.

The Girl managed to eek her way into the mains after the two front-runners managed to get tangled up a mere 5 feet from the finish line in moto 3. Herself being several feet back from said front-runners (both male) cruised on past them and into the main event. Her father and I appreciated the universe's reinforcement of our advice to never give up, even when you're in last place. She was thrilled to take home her 3rd place trophy.

The Boy, after taking first place in all 3 of his motos, took a header in the main event. It was a total point race so he walked away with a 2nd place trophy even though he finished last in the main event. His fingers are a little worse for the wear, given the fact that his gloves are shredded and he needs new ones. But he'll heal up. They both had a good time and ranked the track "the second-best track we've ever raced on!". Never mind that they've only ever raced at two tracks...

We hit LegoLand (second time for the kids, first time for MacGyver) and had a great time. My favorite is MiniLand and I especially adore the Star Wars area. I often wonder how one becomes a designer for LegoLand - I could do that all day long, even if they never paid me! It took us most of the day but we finally convinced The Boy to go on a roller coaster. He was quite hesitant at first but once we got him on, we couldn't get him OFF! I wish we had time to get him to Magic Mountain before we have to leave but I don't think we have the time. They each were able to select a set/toy from the gift shop before we left and that took longer than any of the rides! The Girl and her father spent a good 30 minutes trying to use Braille to figure out which minifigure was in each package - they each had specific ones they wanted.

Then it was off to the mountains for a few days. MacGyver's parents have a cabin up in the mountains and it was great to just crash for a bit. I had forgotten how much I love the smell of the mountains - the Jeffrey Pine tree's scent is amazing. MacGyver and I both agree that we could easily spend the rest of our lives in the mountains. And the number of foreclosures in the area is staggering - plenty of properties that we could turn into a home. We hiked up some trails, learned a little bit about the Gold Rush history of California, spotted 1,942 lizards, learned about the different kinds of pine trees in the area, examined an old log cabin, learned how gold ore was ground out, and saw some amazing scenery.

I would post pictures but my husband is hogging the cameras and all I'm left with is my cell phone, which takes decent pictures but getting them from my phone to this blog is a little more time-consuming than I care to mess with. He took lots of pictures so I'll upload some of them here once he gives up the flash card.

Pau.

- hfs

Adjustment

2011-08-20T11:19:00.003-10:00

We are spending a week in Southern California with family before heading off on our "National Lampoon PCS Vacation" tour. After a day to nap and catch our breaths, we're up and running (well, walking...no running). About 10 years ago, our hometown created a wildlife exploration center up in a canyon above the city. So we took off to explore it today. And we found that my children have lived a very sheltered existence in Hawaii.

The wildlife center has exhibits about all of the different wildlife in the area: snakes, coyotes, jackrabbits, mountain lions, bobcats, all sorts of birds and falcons, bugs, and spiders. The only critters we have really ever encountered in Hawaii were some birds and some spiders. And mosquitoes. But snakes? No snakes in Hawaii, other than the occasional Hawaiian Blind Snake. Coyotes? Not unless you count Wyle E. Coyote on TV. No mountain lions or bobcats except at the zoo. My children were...stunned. And a little scared. There were lots of questions about whether or not we'd encounter any of these animals and critters on our hike. Thankfully, the only thing we encountered that was out of the norm was a baby (tan) Praying Mantis.

The other adjustment is how DRY it is here. In addition to being a little dehydrated from the flight, it is much drier here than in Hawaii so they are both quite dehydrated. Thankfully they both like water and I don't have much trouble getting them to drink. It will be an adjustment for them though.

We are heading south to see some friends and hang out at LegoLand in a bit. Thus begins our Road Trip extravaganza.

More later.

Pau.

- hfs

Final hours to aloha

2011-08-18T15:08:00.003-10:00

Our bags are packed and the car is loaded. We've said goodbye to countless friends and I've held back more tears than I care to think about. It's about time to rip this bandaid off and get on with things. It hurts to leave so I'd rather just be done with it.

We hit the beach one last time in Kailua. After a short squall, the day was beautiful and I wish we had more time to enjoy the water. Such is life, isn't it? We were blessed to be able to stay with friends rather than in temp lodging (I think 81 days on the inbound portion of our time here was enough) and it was wonderful. They are like family and I am going to miss them terribly. We'll get to see them again in about 9 months when we come back for a visit but it's not going to be the same.

I'm already scoping out properties here to buy if and when we come back. I should be looking for houses in Kansas but instead I'm looking at houses in Hawaii. Denial anyone?

The rental market is not providing us with the options we'd like so we're looking at buying with the intention of renting the house out when we leave. We'll see how that pans out. Buying a house scares me more than having children did. Eesh. If anyone has advice on buying a house, feel free to impart that wisdom. I'm a rookie and clueless. Though we do seem to have a good realtor in the area - a friend of a friend. Buying seems so...permanent. Ick.

Never mind. Some things have changed which may possibly shorten our time in the Sunflower State. Therefore, buying is off the table as an option. We're back to scouring Craigslist and ahrn.com. Whee. Thanks for the advice though!

We are meeting up with friends for a last supper of sorts after dropping off our luggage. One last goodbye...er, aloha...and then we're off. I'll try not to cry.

Pau.

- hfs

I hate this part

2011-08-10T10:26:00.004-10:00

So the movers are here for their final day of packing and loading. They've been wonderful - quick, efficient, friendly, and they brought great music! - and I would recommend Precision Moving and Storage, Inc. to anyone. They did the living room, outside stuff, and garage (pack AND load) the first day, which was an impressive feat, especially given the fact that there are only 3 guys. Yesterday they hit the bedrooms, bathrooms, and office (as well as the linen and art closets). Today it's the kitchen and then they are done.

I got so busy yammering that I forgot to write about the part I hate. Even though the house is packed up, there's all that minutiae left to deal with - the things that need to be given to people, the trash that needs to be taken to the dump, the random things that the movers (and we) missed, luggage, etc. And no matter how hard you try to get rid of it all, it's never-ending. You'd think that, with less crap in the house, you'd have an easier time clearing it out. Nope. Annoying.

When we arrived on island, we had 13 crates of stuff. We came in at a gross weight of 13,795#. From that, they deduct 10% for packing materials as well as all of the "pro gear" weight. So we were under our allotted weight limit for MacGyver's rank. Usually people tend to accumulate stuff while they are settled and that's one of the upsides of moving frequently - you tend to purge frequently. We've been here 6 years so my concern was that we'd blow our weight limit. But it seems that, even before deducting for pro gear, we should be ok. Right now, I think we're actually going to leave here with fewer crates than we came with. THAT would be impressive, especially if you know my husband. Update: I was right. We came with 13 crates. We're leaving with 12.5 crates. Works for me!

The day that our HHGs (household goods) were delivered in 2005, I realized that I couldn't understand a word that the movers were speaking to each other. When they spoke to us, I could but I couldn't understand their conversations amongst themselves. They weren't speaking full Pidgin but it was close. Fast-forward 6 years and not only can I understand what they are saying, I could probably throw out a little Pidgin of my own if I weren't worried I'd look like an idiot. Amazing what you pick up. I can only imagine what it's like to live in a foreign country for 6 years and how much of the language you pick up when you're immersed in it. Makes me want to go live in Italy!

Even though the majority of our HHGs are in boxes, in crates, on a truck or in a warehouse, this house is FAR from empty. And I'm realizing my husband does not understand the concept of traveling lightly. The kids and I each have a suitcase. Just one. And their suitcases are not nearly full, even with their pillows in the suitcase. Mine is more full but nowhere near it's limit. MacGyver, on the other hand, has the following:
- a suitcase (full)
- a garment bag (full)
- a box of PTs and Army undergarments
- a box of electronic-y stuff (wireless router, hard drive with all of our backups, and other electronic-y stuff)
- another box of something else that I've since forgotten what it's contents are.

And that's in addition to the kids' BMX bikes (another box) and their race gear (helmets, armor, clothing, goggles, etc.) (another box). Oh, and we have a suitcase of shoes. I'm sure there another box or suitcase floating around here somewhere. We're going to look like the Clampitts getting to the airport. And people wonder why I rented a full-sized pick up truck...

The kids are each struggling with the move in their own way. The Girl, who had been SO anxious to get this show on the road a few weeks back, is now quite sad over the idea of having to say goodbye to everyone. I wondered when that reality would hit. The Boy is a typical 7-year old homebody. He burst into tears when the movers packed up his XBOX 360. He burst into tears again when he realized that there was nothing to eat in the fridge. He burst into tears again when the last apple was eaten. he burst into tears when he lost a game he was playing with his sister on the iPad. He's out of his element and he's not happy about it. And, as excited as he was to get going, he's also sad at the thought of having to say goodbye to his friends. He's only ever known Hawaii and I have a feeling that the excitement of snow is going to wear off quickly this winter. Moving is stressful and I don't envy them. I lived in the same house my entire life, only moving out at the age of 18 to go to college. And only because my parents forced me to because they were retiring and moving back east. If it were up to me, I wouldn't have moved out until I got married. Can you sense my intense dislike of change? A GREAT trait in a military spouse, isn't it?

We're cleaning as the movers clear a room so we're ahead on that part of the game plan. And we have a bunch of friends from church coming over in a few days to help us do the final clean. Then we'll hand the keys over and be on vacation! We have a list of places we want to eat before we leave as well as a few last "bucket list" items to take care of. And then we begin the next saga in our Adventures in Moving series: Road Trip 2011. Fun times.

Baseboards are calling my name to be wiped down so I am off.

Pau.

- hfs

No words...

2011-08-06T14:07:00.001-10:00

Pau.

- hfs

Because moving isn't fun...

2011-08-05T09:18:00.002-10:00

...unless you're SICK. Breakfast today was Sudafed + Motrin + caffeine. The breakfast of champions. Keep in mind, I rarely get sick. Usually I get one cold per year - which blesses my family by taking away my voice - and that's about it. Occasionally throughout the year I might get the sniffles or a sore throat but rarely do they bother me and rarely do they require medicine or rest (beyond my normal).

Apparently, my immune system was boxed up somewhere along the line and now I am sick. Not enough to warrant staying in bed but enough to make me feel like poo and take pills. I can't hear out of my left ear. I am hacking like a life-long smoker, I can't take a deep breath without hacking like said smoker, I can barely breathe through my nose (I HATE mouth breathing), and my throat hurts. Fun times, I tell you. Fun times. So drugs it is.

The movers did their walk-through yesterday. YESTERDAY. They were supposed to start packing us out TODAY. Nothing like being on the ball, yeah? Amazingly they opted to start packing us out Monday. The guy estimates that we have (between the two of us) 4,000# of professional gear. Impressive. We'll see how that affects out total weight once all is said and done. Because of that, I have no fear that we will come in under weight. Yay for pro gear!

My house looks like a tornado hit it and it's driving me street-rat crazy. I avoid the living room like a cockroach avoids light. All of the major cleaning (pressure washing, washing the walls in the kitchen and bathrooms, cleaning windows and tracks, etc.) is done and we've done all of the move-out repairs that were on our list other than touch up paint. This place will be in better shape than it was when we moved in and that's how I like it. In the meantime, I stay in the kitchen (the one room that is still somewhat tidy and orderly) and pretend not to notice the rest of the house.

Fun times!

Pau.

- hfs

6.5 years ago

2011-07-28T17:38:00.002-10:00

I wrote this post. I just stumbled across it while looking for something else and I find myself laughing at my whining and yet completely understanding how I was feeling at that moment. I chuckled at the comment about a $5 gallon of milk. I was at the local grocery store earlier today and, without a club card, their milk was $7.89/gallon.

Let me just say "WOOHOO for COLA!".

I look at a lot of my concerns and they are quite similar to some of the concerns I have now about moving. It's nice to know some things never change. And I read how unhappy I was to be moving here (who, in their right mind, is UNHAPPY to be moving to Hawaii??? Eesh) and I contrast that with how unhappy I am to be leaving now and I pray that I settle in at our next location like I've settled in here. Well, maybe not quite so much. Or else I won't want to leave there either.

There are days when I wish MacGyver had never joined the Army. There are days when I wish that we had been like many of our friends back home and settled in our hometown. It's not like Los Angeles is a small town. We had plenty of options. And then I wouldn't have to have said goodbye to so many incredible people along the way. I wouldn't have to deal with the completely unrealistic desire to live in 4 different places at the same time. I could just stay in my Southern California bubble and be content. But then I think about all of the incredible opportunities and blessings military life has afforded us over the past 13 years and I cannot begrudge that. I know I'll miss it when it's gone.

Our time here is getting short and I find there's a war going on inside myself: the desire to withdraw from anyone and anything here because it will make leaving slightly easier and the desire to skip sleeping for the next 3 weeks so I can soak up as much as humanly possible of this place and the people I love.

Sleep is overrated. Highly overrated.

Pau.

- hfs

Adventures in Moving - Dominating the list

2011-07-27T23:37:00.002-10:00

The "dominating the 'to do' list series" continues throughout the week. Today was somewhat of a down day as The Boy is sick. Probably just a virus but enough to throw a wrench into the works. And, after not having slept well for the past few days, I was dragging today as well. Not that I didn't get anything done...I just didn't do as much.

The list is much shorter now. Here's the bulk of what's left:

~ schedule shut off of water (everything else is done)
~ scan pics and important documents, burn 3 discs (1 in safe, 1 to my mom, 1 to MacGyver's parents) for safekeeping/backup purposes
~ pick up my medical records (kids are already in MacGyver's possession)
~ make copies of all medical records
~ pick up school records
~ mail homeschool materials ahead of us
~ call dentist to cancel fall appts.
~ call new dentist and set up fall appts
~ pull clothes out of kids' old dresser
~ fix old dresser, give to friend
~ start setting aside what goes in suitcases/on plane
~ finish taking down wall decor
~ finish spackling
~ touch up paint (hopefully we have the right color)
~ dump run
~ clean oven and stovetop
~ replace switchplates
~ wipe down all baseboards
~ clean upstairs windows and screens
~ box up things to which we still have original boxes
~ KIDS' ROOM

With regard to the kids' room, I've pretty much left that one alone. I didn't want to disrupt their space until the last minute. Everything else is a bit chaotic and out of sorts and they are both beginning to show signs of it getting to them. So I am doing my best to minimize the disruption in their space. Next week, I will begin, in earnest, to pack up and organize their room. The movers are set to start packing next Friday so I'm aiming to have their room pretty much done by Wednesday evening. That will give me Thursday to tie up loose ends and whatnot.

The majority of the pro gear is set aside and/or boxed up. I went ahead and boxed up the homeschooling stuff because I had the boxes to do so and it was pretty easy. So that's all sitting pretty in a corner of my living room.

Rental car reservations are made on both ends. MacGyver insists on taking full advantage of the fact that our airline allows us EACH 4 bags up to 70# a piece. That's 1,120# of luggage. So I rented a truck. a full-sized truck. On both ends. He doesn't think this is necessary ("We can make more than 1 trip!") but I do and I'm not budging. The last thing I want to do on my last day on this island is sit at the airport with luggage, waiting for him to go back and get the rest of it. No thanks. Not unless I have a mango mojito in my hand, thankyouverymuch. So I rented a full-sized truck. The BMX track and one of my favorite beaches is just a few short miles from the airport. I plan to watch the sunset at that beach and then meander my way to the terminal to drop off luggage and the rental car (truck). I plan to walk through security, trailing sand off my slippahs as I go. I'm being forced to leave this island against my wishes so I plan to go out MY way.

That being said, I'm already planning my trip back here. A few of my kids from church are graduating this coming school year so I will head back for that as well as a few other things that will be going on around that time of year. I already have dates planned and frequent flier miles are being accrued as I type. My hope is that I can manage to get back here for a few weeks at a time each year. I'm choosing to see our next duty station as though I were going away to college. I'll go, have a great time, make some friends, and then come home. Yep, sounds like a plan.

Pau.

- hfs

Adventures in Moving - SNAKE!

2011-07-25T22:58:00.003-10:00

While I was out pressure washing the lanai and pathways, I found a SNAKE! In Hawaii...the state that doesn't HAVE snakes!

It's a Hawaiian Blind Snake (Google it...go ahead). The name is ironic because they really aren't blind. We hung on to him (her?) long enough to take some pictures and a short video and then put him (her?) back where we found him (her?). Hawaii has had a rash of snakes - either found or turned in - recently. I think I read that there had been 14 since January. That's a lot for an island that doesn't have snakes!

The "TO DO" list was significantly diminished and dominated by the time I was done today. As was the pressure washer which gave up after about 3 hours of solid work. I'm not sure I'm going to be able to brush my teeth in the morning. All told, here was the tally:

- 6 loads of laundry run
- 4 folded and put away (last one is in the dryer and will be folded, along with load #5, in the AM)
- dishes washed
- both tubs scrubbed
- toilets scrubbed
- 75% of concrete pressure washed
- 75% of lower half of house exterior pressure washed
- exteriors of all lower level windows washed
- tracks and interiors of kitchen windows cleaned
- car washed (not very well but enough to get the dirt from the BMX track off)
- 1 load of give-away stuff dropped off
- car loaded for errands tomorrow
- landlord called regarding screen replacements
- children kept alive and fed
- sign language practiced
- touch-up paint purchased (needs to be returned - not the right shade...grr.)

Not too shabby. Tomorrow is errands and working on the rest of the downstairs windows as well as yanking things off the walls, pulling nails, spackling, etc. Then I can start on the upstairs windows. Yay.

And we have TICKETS! Finally. So now I get to start reserving rental cars and finalizing our itineraries as we ROAD TRIP!!!! MacGyver has already started clearing so that will be a big help too. Hopefully we can get as much out of the way as possible before the movers even get here. Hopefully.

Pau.

- hfs

Adventures in moving...the "TO DO" list

2011-07-24T16:59:00.003-10:00

So the "TO DO" list is still pretty long. And we're moving into crunch time - about 2 weeks until the movers come. So I've issued myself a challenge for tomorrow: get as many things done on the "TO DO" list as humanly possible before I go to sign language practice in the evening. Assuming I can roll my lazy butt out of bed when MacGyver heads off to PT, that will give me 12 hours to tackle the following (in no particular order of importance):

*** note to self...SUNSCREEN!!!***
- pressure wash the walkways, back lanai, driveway, lower half of house, trash and recycling bins
- run laundry
- fold and put away laundry
- wash exterior sides of windows
*** note to self...SUNSCREEN!!!***
- scrub both tubs
- wipe down/scrub out tracks of windows
- call to confirm screen repair dude
- call to set up appointment with dermatologist
*** note to self...SUNSCREEN!!!***
- pull clothes out of kids' dresser and box up/set aside for packing
- fix dress drawer pull and prep to give to friend
- scan important documents and burn copies of DVD for record-keeping purposes
- finish taking down pictures and wall decor
- dust pictures and wall decor
- wash all walls
- spackle all holes
- Home Depot: 1 pint touch up paint
- touch up paint
- bring in GINORMOUS extension ladder
- dust fan in living room
- box up remaining homeschool items and set aside as "professional gear"
- Post Office: ship boxes
- wash and wax car
- vacuum car
- take bulky items to dump
- clear out pantry - trash, give to friends, donate to foodbank
- call water company to set up shut off date

I'll post tomorrow night (if I'm not comatose) as to what all I get accomplished. *movingisfun*movingisfun*movingisfun*movingisfun*movingisfun*movingisfun*movingisfun*
*movingisfun*movingisfun*movingisfun*movingisfun*movingisfun*movingisfun*movingisfun*movingisfun*movingisfun*movingisfun*movingisfun*movingisfun*movingisfun*movingisfun*movingisfun*movingisfun*movingisfun*movingisfun*movingisfun*movingisfun*movingisfun*

If I keep telling myself this, maybe I'll believe it at some point. Fake it till you make it, right? *sigh*

Pau.

- hfs

Adventures in Moving - Doors and windows

2011-07-19T22:58:00.002-10:00

I wallowed pretty good last night about the Perfect House falling through. And I'm kind of still wallowing. However, like my Godmother said yesterday, when one door closes a window opens. My friend who lives where we are headed found another house on Craigslist (what in the world did we DO before Craigslist?) and this one - while not "Perfect" in the built-in-1918-and-completely-remodeled-on-an-acre-of-land sense - is even better in that it is NOT surrounded by every pedophile and sex offender in the state and it's all of 3 blocks from said friend!

Still within our budget, a little smaller than we were looking for but not as small as the house we live in now. Not horribly far from post but not right outside the gate either. So we'll see. I dropped a note to the realtor that's managing it and I'm waiting to hear back from her. However, even if this house doesn't work out, we have the RV and there is a lake nearby that has RV slots and hookups so we can park there for as long as necessary until we find the right house.

In addition to planning this move, I'm also trying to plan our upcoming school year. Obviously, it's going to get off to an unorthodox start, given the fact that we'll be homeless and on a month-long road trip for the first few weeks of the school year. I currently have 5 Flat Rate Priority Mail boxes packed and ready to ship to SoCal ahead of us so that we have all of our school stuff with us on the road. Not sure how much of it all we'll get done but we can try. For science this year, I am piecing together a botany/horticulture/gardening/chemistry curriculum. This was originally centered around the Perfect House's existing vegetable garden and fruit trees but now we will include carpentry in there (building elevated beds for the garden) and our PE unit will include digging up grass, raking, hoeing, tilling, mulching, etc. I've ordered a few books including Apologia's Botany text (and notebook) so we'll see how this comes together. I'm looking forward to enjoying the fruits of our labor (pun intended)!

I should hit the sack as the "TO DO" list is still in existence and needs some more attention tomorrow. I was able to take down the decorative towel racks in preparation for Spackle Saturday and was also able to set up shut-off dates for our utilities. Two more things marked off. More tomorrow.

Pau.

- hfs

Making headway

2011-07-18T17:29:00.003-10:00

The domination of the "TO DO" list continues. The yard sale over the weekend was successful, if you don't count the two stashes of stuff I meant to put out to sell (not including the fake ficus tree)...whoops! Thankfully, I had a friend who wanted the Pampered Chef stoneware that I forgot about in the kitchen and most of what was in the box in the living room can either go to friends or church. It's amazing to me how much CRAP we've managed to accumulate over the past 6+ years (less, actually, because we've had 1 or 2 yard sales over the years).

When we moved here, we maxed out our weight limit (13,500# for a CW2). My goal is to get us to Kansas with less than what we came with. I'm not counting the motorcycle we're moving with because (much to my MIL's chagrin) it belongs to my father-in-law, not us. MacGyver managed to find a pristine 1979 Honda CBX. It's a 6-cylinder in a color that Honda did not actually offer on their initial line. He saw the ad on eBay, shot an email to his dad (he knew his dad had always been interested in them) and his dad wrote back immediately and said "SOLD!". The gentleman we bought it from was the original owner and the only thing wrong with it is that it needs the carbs cleaned. She's a beast - a good 600#. And she's loud...almost obnoxiously so. But the comments she garners are worth it ("Oh my goodness! Is that what I think it is?!?").

Anyway, she belongs to my FIL so that doesn't count. And last time we moved here, we didn't count MacGyver's tools as professional gear because he wasn't a maintainer nor was he yet a Maintenance Test Pilot. But he is now and therefore (because he does use his own tools for work) we get to count them. And all of our homeschooling materials (books, texts, school supplies, printer, laminator, computer, etc.) count as professional gear for me. That's a HUGE chunk of weight. I wish there was a bonus for coming in UNDER budget for weight! We've sold off the couch, a couple of bookcases, we're selling the dining table, a few other living room items, and a 2nd motorcycle.

Today we deposited the proceeds from the yard sale and cashed in all of our change. I paid the kids in dollars for the change in their piggy banks and, combined with our change stashes, we cashed in almost $200 in coinage! The CoinStar machine doesn't charge a fee if you opt for the Amazon.com gift card and, combined with my SwagBucks gift cards, we have enough in our Amazon account to cover the bulk of the kids' Christmas gifts this year. And, because we'll be back on the mainland, I can score free shipping, which is not usually available to me on The Rock. w00t

We're still wrangling with transportation and finance. If you live on the mainland (i.e. a CONUS location) and move to another CONUS location, you can get paid to drive two vehicles (you'll be paid less to drive the second vehicle but you'll still get paid). Not so if you're coming from an OCONUS location, even if that OCONUS location is still part of the United States. We were planning to ship our primary vehicle ahead to Kansas (well, to the nearest Vehicle Processing Center/VPC) and then drive another vehicle (which we were planning to pick up in California) to Kansas. But, if we ship the 1st vehicle to KS, we cannot be paid mileage and per diem to drive the 2nd vehicle. So, because we're coming from an OCONUS location, we're only "allowed" one vehicle. I could understand this if we were coming from Korea or Germany or another foreign country where the likelihood of bringing back a 2nd vehicle that would be legal on US roads would be less likely. But the policy as it pertains to Hawaii and Alaska is asinine.

In other news, it looks like the house we were hoping to rent when we get to Kansas might no longer be on the table. If you Google the words "registered sex offenders Junction City Kansas" you will understand why. Perfect house. Perfectly awful location. I cannot knowingly put my children in that kind of situation. It would be one thing if I had no other choice. But I do. So we're back to trolling the internet for possible rentals. I was so looking forward to driving right into the driveway of our new house when we got there. It was a great house too - 4BR, acre of land, completely remodeled, built in the early 1900s, allows dogs, garden and fruit trees, 2 car garage + workshop, etc. PERFECT. Not.

I don't "do" disappointment very well. Can you tell? Stop laughing at me. I'm incredibly bummed.

The mojo I had when I started writing this post early this afternoon was completely sapped by the information I found out about the house and the area in which we were looking to rent. So now, I think I'm going to take my disappointment and go to bed. Poo.

Pau.

- hfs

Project ValOUR-IT

2011-07-12T21:23:00.005-10:00

I have been remiss in highlighting the Project ValOUR-IT fundraising competition that is currently taking place. I apologize. This year, the fundraising campaign has been moved from November to July. Currently, as of this writing, Team Army has raised $13,000+ of the $25,000 it hopes to raise by July 14th. There are 136 wounded servicemembers waiting for a laptop - a laptop that your donation could provide. It's the least we can do.

There are some incredible posts out there. Every year, my fellow milbloggers completely knock my socks off with their eloquence, their honesty, their insight, and their wit. This year, my friend Chuck posted his mother's thoughts on her son's injuries and his subsequent recovery - a recovery that resulted in the existence of Project ValOUR-IT. Alice is AMAZING. I've met her once and I thought she was a saint simply for raising Chuck, let alone how she supported him during his recovery. Her story is humbling and inspiring. Go, read it, and then donate to this incredible cause.

I am.

Pau.

- hfs

Feast or famine

2011-07-12T16:58:00.003-10:00

Let me start this post off with the fact that I am NOT complaining.

We were waiting to hear back from Branch as to whether we'd be allowed to stick around a few extra days to make the whole pack-your-house-and-run-around-like-a-chicken-with-your-head-cut-off scenario just a little easier. We were hoping for 5-7 days.

They gave us 17. Apparently, when we asked for 8AUG, they saw 18AUG. So that's our new departure date. Works.For.Me. We now have 17 extra days to enjoy the island - hiking, beaches, water park, friends, food, church, trade winds, etc. We went ahead and bought season passes to the water park here. Odd, given the fact that we're leaving in 5 weeks. But the cost of a pass was barely more than a 1-day admission so it made sense. We've already been once this week. We'll be going again before the week is up. And again next week. And the week after. We are also revisiting some of our favorite hikes this week while MacGyver takes some time off. He has mass leave accrued and it made sense for him to take some time off to "play tourist" and get some work done on the garage before the movers come.

My OCD is in full-swing. You'd understand if you saw my little spiral-bound notebook. It has 3 tabbed sections and I am putting each to very good use. The first section is the "to do/pertinent info" section. In it, there are the following lists:

~ master "TO DO" list
~ "To Sell" list
~ freezer contents/meal list
~ monies (moving money, deposit refunds, BAH for here and there, estimated budget for KS, estimated expenses for KS)
~ Regulation/JFTR references, just in case anyone wants to argue Pro Gear definitions with me
~ day by day lists of things that need to be done
~ rental car info

The next section is a room by room account of what needs to be done or cleaned. Each room has a page. Eventually, I will print these out and post them in each room. Yep. I'm that anal.

Last one is our packing/travelling info:

~ what to pack in luggage (1 page for each person)
~ what to ship (instead of put in luggage)
~ items for our advance shipment
~ Homeschool curriculum to ship
~ day by day travel plans
~ rental car and lodging info for travel

There are also a few handy little pockets for holding receipts, print outs of the JFTR, etc.

Right now this pretty little spiral-bound notebook is ruling my life. But at least I know what it has planned for me! And I have more time in which to get it done. Seventeen more days, to be exact!

Pau.

- hfs

When I grow up, I want to be...

2011-07-10T20:28:00.003-10:00

...a paramedic. Seriously. When I was living in SoCal, I took the EMT-B course, LOVED IT, and then promtly moved to Colorado (never taking my NREMT exam) where they paid EMT-Bs a whopping $6.50/hour. I could make almost double that coaching so I never worked as an EMT.

Fast forward to the year 2000. I'm living in Alaska, working as a teacher, and I find that UAF has an EMT program during the summer. PERFECT! I get all signed up to redo the course and possibly put it to some actual USE (in addition to taking the NREMT exam) and I find myself pregnant. UAF prohibits (and rightfully so) women who are pregnant from taking the course. Phooey.

Fast forward to 2006. The city and county of Honolulu find themselves in a predicament. They are short on EMTs and paramedics. So they decide to start paying people to take the EMT courses. Sadly, that one didn't work out for me.

Fast forward again to 2009. I find that there is an EMT/Paramedic program at one of the community colleges but it's WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY downtown and it's a semester-long, 5 days/week, 8-10 hours per day program. Plus (at the time) it looked like MacGyver was deploying and that would mean my children would see their daycare providers more than they saw their parents. I couldn't do that, especially amidst the upheaval that a deployment brings. And then life came crashing down around me and all thoughts of taking the EMT course were set aside.

There's a glimmer of hope on the horizon in that there are several accredited EMT programs in the state of Kansas and I'm hoping and praying I can find one that works for me and my family. We'll see.

The reason I type all of this out is to illustrate what a NERD I am. I have a substantial first aid kit. Just because I never took the NREMT exam doesn't mean I've forgotten the things I've learned. In addition, I work with the youth at church and my family and I do a lot of outdoor activities, including BMX riding, (plus I am the parent of a 7 year old boy) so I find that I need a little more than your average first aid kit. So I took my cues from a PA friend of mine and put together my first aid kit. It's nothing too special...I don't have DermaBond or anything cool like that but I do have gauze pads, steri-strips, butterfly bandages, my CPR mask, a lot of gloves, a bunch of common meds (Motrin, Benadryl, Tylenol, etc), etc. If I really wanted to get adventurous, I could steal MacGyver's Combat Lifesaver kit and put that in there but I don't know how to start an IV yet so that's probably not going to do me a lot of good.

But that's not the nerdy part.

The nerdy part is this: I had to get a new bag for my kit this weekend. I had a chem ice pack blow on me in the bag and the chemicals destroyed the zipper of the toiletry bag that was my kit bag. So I found a new bag - ironically (no, not intentionally) it's a Swiss Army bag. Complete with pretty little red cross. It was all they had at Target that wasn't a big POS. So I spent the evening transferring all of my first aid stuff from the destroyed bag to the new bag. I checked all of the expiration dates, made sure I had restocked things from when The Boy split his head open, and added in a few things as well. It's all good to go and I am quite proud of myself.

Now, just to find a class I can take so I can put my nerdiness to work!

Pau.

- hfs

Adventures in Moving Part...something

2011-07-10T13:53:00.002-10:00

Evidently the process of chewing bark into wood pulp in order to make their own paper upon which to print MacGyver's orders has become more efficient and we now have orders in hand. And we have pack out dates. Two weeks from now, every one of my OCD tendencies will be assaulted and cardboard will, once again, rule my life. I hate cardboard. If it were up to me, the Army would use Rubbermaid Toughneck containers instead of cardboard.

But it's not up to me.

We're hoping the Army will take pity on us and extend out departure date by about a week, giving us time to take full advantage of TLA (Temporary Lodging Allowance...10 days of hotel expenses covered. Which is different than TLE - Temporary Lodging Expense - which is pretty much the same thing but on the mainland, not overseas. I have no idea WHY they can't call them the same thing when, really, they ARE the same thing. But whatever.). And actually, we're not taking advantage of it. We'll be staying with friends and SAVING the Army those 10 days of TLA. So it's actually in their best interest to let us stay here a few extra days. I can rationalize ANYTHING.

The real reason is that I am not ready to leave yet. Like the teenager that mumbles, sleepily, "just 5 more minutes, mom" when rousted for the morning, I'd like a few more days. There are hikes to be hiked, beaches to be sampled, a water park that hasn't had the pleasure of our presence in 2 years, restaurants to be enjoyed one last time. And I don't want to be *that person* that runs around like a chicken with my head cut off up until the last 2 hours of my time here on the island. I'd much rather stroll in to the airport, mai tai in hand (until we get to security and then I'll chug it in front of the TSA agent), sand sloughing off my feet and my suit still wet.

We're trolling Craigslist and ahrn.com for housing once we get to Kansas but only half-heartedly. Right now, we're all harboring thoughts of time in Grandma and Grandpa's pool, time at the cabin, In-N-Out, and a 2,500 mile road trip in the RV. MavGyver used the road trip (and his whole flying gig) as an excuse to buy a used iPad. Currently, The Boy and The Girl are involved in a deadly game of rock-paper-scissors to determine who gets to use it for the next 38 minutes. I forsee buying a referee's jersey and a whistle before this fun is up. Whee.

I should wrap this up and get back to weeding out, sorting, etc. Yard sale is next weekend. Then the countdown begins (as does MacGyver's clearing post). I feel like I'm forgetting something in the grand scheme of things and plans but, for the life of me, cannot figure it out. Oh, well. It will come to me.

As I'm sitting on the beach, sipping my mai tai.

Pau.

- hfs

Bureaucratic ineptitude

2011-07-06T12:12:00.004-10:00

My "Hurry Up and Wait" post from yesterday gets even better. After speaking with several people yesterday, all of whom were able to get their move scheduled through their respective Transportation Management Offices (TMO) with either their RFO or an "exception to policy" letter from their command, MacGyver went back into our TMO to see if they'd be willing to work with us.

He offered up his RFO. No dice.

He offered up the exception to policy letter from the Brigade Commander. No dice.

He offered up our firstborn. No dice.

He spoke to everyone's respective bosses. No dice.

So the TMO at Fort Campbell, the TMO at Fort Leavenworth, the TMO at Fort Bragg, and the TMO at Fort Lewis will all allow a move to be set up with either an RFO or the exception to policy letter but Schofield Barracks will not. I wonder if it's an OCONUS thing? I'd like to think that it is because the alternative - the fact that they just refuse to do so for no discernible reason (no, they could not give MacGyver a reason...just that it was their "policy". And no, they could not produce a reference to said "policy") - causes my blood pressure to rise to a completely unhealthy level.

We're down to 17 business days. I figure it's going to take 7-10 days for orders to arrive. Another day to get the move scheduled. When MacGyver talked to TMO yesterday, the earliest they could schedule the move was 19AUG. So, based on my best guess, the earliest we'll see the movers here is 25JUL and I think that's being optimistic. It's not completely undoable but it means that I'll be handling the packers pretty much on my own because MacGyver will be clearing post while they pack. Joy. I would definitely put this in the BOHICA category. Not a huge deal but annoying, nonetheless.

That being said, we do have room in our leave plans to accommodate a few extra days on island. I'm hoping to avoid the scenario in which we pack out in 2-3 days, run around like chickens with our heads cut off for a few days after that, trying to tie up loose ends, and run down the walkway to the plane in a panic at the last minute, exhausted. That's NOT how I intend to spend my last few days here on this island. So we may have to push our departure date back a few days. C'est la vie. Semper Gumby.

I swear, I am getting that tattooed on my butt cheek.

Pau.

- hfs

Hurry up...

2011-07-05T19:58:00.002-10:00

...and wait.

The quickness with which everything happened last week has been replaced with the Army's typical absolute lack of efficiency. In the Army, before you get your actual paper orders and get the ball rolling with regard to movers, plane tickets, school records, breaking leases, and the like, you get an RFO: Request For Orders. MacGyver's RFO showed up with lightning speed and he had it in hand the day we found out we were moving. However, there's not much you can DO with an RFO other than plan.

And we all know how well that works out, don't we?

In direct contrast to the speed with which the RFO was received, the orders are slow in coming. In addition to the RFO, the soldier has to attend a levy brief, detailing the minutiae of said move (weight limits, travel expenses/reimbursements, timelines, etc.). MacGyver had his today and we expected (stop laughing) that he would receive his orders at that point, thereby starting the fun that is a PCS.

No dice. 1-2 weeks.

1-2 WEEKS before he has orders in hand. Keep in mind we're supposed to be off this island by 1AUG. Today is 5JUL. That means that we have 3 weeks and 6 days (5, actually, because today is pretty much over) to get this move put together. That includes:

* scheduling packers
* scheduling travel
* shipping a vehicle
* breaking our lease (I am sure my landlord is going to be THRILLED)
* wrangling school and medical records together
* getting rid of all of the crap we don't need
* cleaning the house
* saying goodbye to friends
* clearing (supposedly they give soldiers 10 days to do this...not sure where we're supposed to shoe-horn that in)

Of the 9 items listed above, only 3 can be done without those orders in hand. You do the math - it's not going to work. You cannot get blood from a turnip. And CIF is closed on weekends.

This is going to be FUN. Gotta love the Army.

Pau.

- hfs

Pros and Cons

2011-07-01T20:37:00.004-10:00

No, I'm not running around like a chicken with my head cut off. Yet. That will commence in about two weeks. For now, I am soaking up as much sun and sea air and sweet Hawaiian everything that I can get my hands on. Trust me, my lobster-red skin would prove it but I refuse to post pictures here for fear that my dermatologist might see them and read me the riot act. We are making quick work of both our hiking and beach bucket lists and plan to tick off two more next week. The kids are tired - they may very well sleep during our road trip from the Left Coast to Fort Riley!

That being said, I am rather bipolar at the moment - everything I do here makes me sad in a way because I know it will be the last time I'll get to do it for a while. For instance, this is our last 4th of July celebration with our local friends and family. We do the same thing each year and it's always a lot of fun. This year it will be quite bittersweet. Then again, each of the past three 4th of Julys have been bittersweet in their own way, given the fact that I expected each to be our last as a military family. This year, it is more sweet than bitter but it's still our last one here for a while.

However, that just motivates me to enjoy each experience more. I wonder if that's what it's like for people who find out they have X amount of days/weeks to live? Does it make each experience sweeter? Or sadder? Or both? I'm going to miss so much about this place...some obvious, some not so much. Here's a partial list:

* the beaches
* the hiking
* the food
* the people
* slippahs in December
* shorts in December
* thinking that 78* is cold
* beaches in December
* trade winds
* humidity
* the hole in the wall joints that we've discovered
* snorkeling/diving
* the pineapple
* the mangoes, papaya, lychee, and avocados from friends' yards
* pineapple
* Dole Whip
* malasadas
* sleeping with the window open 24/7/365
* no snakes!
* tropical storms
* how fascinating lightning is here (it doesn't happen often)

And yet, I find myself getting slowly excited about our time on the mainland. I am choosing to approach this as I would if I were fresh out of high school and headed to the mainland for college: excited about the adventure, sad to leave family and friends, and planning to return when I'm done. My list of things I am looking forward to grows each day. Here's some of it:

* ROAD TRIPS!!!!!!!
* SEASONS!
* snow (ask me again in January and I'm sure I'll be singing a different tune)
* fleece
* Colorado State football games!!
* flannel sheets
* sledding
* New Belgium beer (for MacGyver, not me)
* being an 8 hour drive from Colorado
* being close to several milblogging friends
* being closer to family
* Cherry Limeades
* arid climate (compared to HI...it will be so nice to not have frizzy hair!!!)

But the biggest - and best - blessing of all is that we remain a military family. God is so good.

Pau.

- hfs

Oh, Toto...

2011-06-25T22:52:00.003-10:00

Remember the other day when I said I was exchanging one mindset for the other? Yeah...it's a good thing I started to make that transition, mentally. My birthday was Friday and for my birthday, my husband informed me that he was giving me an all-expense-paid trip to...
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
KANSAS!!!

Yep, the Army couldn't let us enjoy our great news about MacGyver's retention too long before dropping a bombshell in our laps. Not only do we get to move to the land of ruby red slippers, cows, and twisters, we get to do it in LESS THAN SIX WEEKS!

You heard right...we fly off this island around the beginning of August. I was right - they are PCSing us off this island so fast it's making my head spin. Five weeks and three days (though, really, it's five weeks flat because you can't get anything done on a Friday, the day you find out you're moving and weekends don't really count).

I suppose the quickness of it all is a blessing. It will be like ripping the bandaid off quickly - hopefully the sting will be short-lived. Personally, I think that's bunk. This one's going to hurt. Thankfully, I will be too insanely busy to really worry about it. You should see my "TO DO" list...it's a monster. And that's not counting the cleaning list (per room) or the lists for where things go:

* dump
* yardsale
* give to friends
* post office (mail ahead)
* advance shipment
* main household goods shipment

We are not doing a DITY move (thank the good Lord!!!). The Army has removed a lot of the financial incentive that used to be there for military members to move themselves from an OCONUS location which I think is an unwise move on their part. However, I am grateful (to a certain extent) that they have done so because now I don't have to pack my stuff up myself! But the realization that our packers will be here to pack up my belongings in FOUR WEEKS makes me lightheaded.

Just to give you an idea of what we're looking at, here's just the immediate "TO DO" list (in no particular order...I write things down as they pop into my head...at 3am...):

* levy brief
* TMO (transportation - to schedule the move)
* notify landlord
* set up shut off dates for utilities
* give away cardboard boxes we've been hoarding
* YARDSALE!!!
* call screen company to come and give estimate on screen repair/replacement
* fix car (needs a few minor repairs before I ship it)
* mail homeschooling materials, BMX bikes and gear, etc.
* burn pictures and important documents to DVD
* burn additional copies for backup
* backup hard drives
* medical records - all
* school records - kids
* copy medical records - all
* new drivers' license (mine's falling apart)
* cash in change
* grass seed for bare patches
* spackle/touch up paint
* weed out STUFF
* family pictures one last time
* finish hiking/beach bucket lists
* diassemble all Lego projects and bag securely
* retain sanity

Holy cats, I'm going to go insane. Add to that list swimming lessons, piano lessons, art class, BMX practice, sign language practice (we perform the last Sunday we are here), and life in general and I think I should start mainlining caffeine and forgoing sleep completely.

Kansas. About as land-locked as I could possibly get. There's a lake. I'll be there often. I'm going to FREEZE to death. We were at the track this evening and it was breezy (yay for trade winds!) and I was in pants and a windbreaker. It was 78*, for goodness sake! And I was COLD.

I'm going to freeze. You'd think I'd never lived in Alaska for 3 years or Colorado for 5.

I'm already plotting on how to get us back here in 3 years. I'm already scoping out SpaceA flights from the surrounding Air Force and Air National Guard bases to Hawaii. I'm already scoping out Pottery Barn's catalogs and planning how to make my house into an island getaway in the middle of farmland.

I'm going to freeze.

Pau.

- hfs

Speechless.

2011-06-21T13:36:00.005-10:00

I've been trying to come up with the words for this blog post for over 24 hours and I cannot. I am speechless.

We'd been waiting on word from HRC (Human Resources Command) as to the fate of my husband's Army career for many weeks and finally got word back yesterday. The Deputy Assistant Secretary of the Army has opted to RETAIN my husband in the United States Army.

I am speechless. I have no words. This was beyond anything we could have hoped for and I'm still pinching myself to make sure I'm not dreaming. Even his attorney(s) was amazed. If MacGyver were a cat, he'd have used up 8.99 of his 9 lives.

Just...wow.

I'd say I'm thrilled - and I'm sure I am somewhere deep inside - but the shock is overwhelming all of that right now. It's sinking in S-L-O-W-L-Y.

And now we get to exchange the "ohmygodwearegettingoutofthearmywhatarewegoingtodo?" mindset for the "ohmygodtheyaregoingtoPCSusoffthisislandsofastitwillmakemyheadspin" mindset. Already the shell game of "where are we going next?" has begun. There are so many variables and options and possibilities at play right now that I need a laminated PowerPoint flow chart to track. So I'm not. MacGyver knows my preferences (stateside and OCONUS) and we'll see where the chips fall.

Tempering my excitement is the realization that I am - in a very small way - kind of disappointed. Because staying in the Army had been such a long shot, I had mentally already checked out of Army life. I had stopped thinking in terms of being a military wife and started thinking in terms of being married to a civilian contractor or possibly a National Guardsman and considering the possibility of actually controlling my choice of location. Ha! Silly girl. With the (wonderful) news that they are keeping him in the Army went my hopes that we would get to head toward the Pacific Northwest to be near (some) family and close friends. And In-N-Out. And Fred Meyer.

So, in that respect, I am disappointed. However, it is completely overshadowed by the gratefulness I feel toward the Deputy Assistant Secretary of the Army and their mercy as well as toward our family and friends who have stood by us through all of this. I know it wasn't easy and I know the situation was icky and I know it's been a long road (trust me, I KNOW). But we're at a crossroads now and things are looking up.

On the flip side, my heart is breaking. Staying here is not really an option. So our time on this island is finally winding down. Until the age of 18, I lived in the same house on the same street and went to the same schools with the same friends. And then I left for college(s). I hit 4 colleges in 7 years and have moved more than 15 times in 15 years. Aside from the 4.5 years I lived in Colorado, this is the longest I've lived anywhere since I was a child. I miss Colorado desperately but this has become home for me.

And it is going to kill me to leave.

I am already to the point where thinking about it brings me to tears. It will be as hard to say goodbye to this place and our friends here as it was to say goodbye to my good friends when they left earlier this year. I would be content to live here the rest of my life. I know that some people are not cut out to live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. And I know that I prefer to be cold as opposed to hot. And I know that it's a pain the okole to be stuck on this rock when many of the things an the people you want most are on the mainland.

But this is home for me now. I don't know what I'm going to do when I have to leave.

So I'm back to being speechless.

Pau.

- hfs

Floating lanterns

2011-05-31T16:48:00.003-10:00

So many lanterns. So many names.

There is a ceremony that takes place prior to the floating of the lanterns. VIPs are introduced. Drums are played, hulas are danced. Prayers are said. The flame is lit and the main lanterns are escorted to the catamarans to be floated in the bay prior to the individual lanterns. Once the bell is rung, the individual lanterns are floated. The floating is quiet. Aside from the noise of the children, there isn't much talking. People leave those around them to their thoughts and memories.

I saw people with lanterns commemorating parents, grandparents, siblings, and friends. I saw many lanterns with thoughts and prayers for those enduring hardships from natural disasters. The man standing next to me took his dog tags off, placed them inside the lantern, and floated it off in memory of his platoon leader and several of his friends who had been lost in Iraq.

We left shortly after that - it was time for dinner. But I know from years past that most people are loath to leave, wanting to linger and revel in the memory of those they've lost. I know I did. But life goes on and pulls the living along with it most of the time. I am grateful that we were able to be here for one more year and that I was able to get down to float my names. In the post below, I forgot a name...Alan Wendell Gunn, you are not forgotten. Your name was on that lantern too.

Pau.

- hfs

Memorial Day 2011

2011-05-30T12:23:00.002-10:00

I've been trying to come up with something to say about Memorial Day this year but I can't. The words won't come. So I'll send you over to The Sniper's place and you can read what he wrote. He said it better than I could have.

Staff Sgt. Charles Sanders and the crew of Big Windy 25

CW2 Theodore U. "Tuc" Church and 1st Lt. Keith Heidtman

CW2 S. Blane Hepfner and CW2 J. Bryce Millward

CW2 Earl R. Scott III and CW2 Mathew C. Heffelfinger

CW3 Phillip E. Windorski

CW3 Corey J. Goodnature and the crew of Turbine 33 as well as the SEAL team they were heading to assist

SPC Thomas Allison and the crew of "Wild 42"

Clay Hunt.

Pau.

- hfs

Our Memorial Day

2011-05-26T21:38:00.002-10:00

Four years ago, our Memorial Day changed. Hard to believe that it has been that long - feels like it was just yesterday.

Pau.

- hfs

God only gives you what you can handle

2011-05-23T23:01:00.002-10:00

How many times have you heard that phrase? How many times have you said it? Over the past two years especially, I've heard that phrase more times than I care to count. And I have to tell you...I think it's junk.

I really do.

And here's why...if God only gave us what we can handle, there really wouldn't be much on our plates. As a whole, humans are rather unprepared for the crap that life slings at them. I mean, honestly...think about it. Can you possibly prepare yourself for the loss of a loved one? Nope. Can you prepare yourself for a devastating car crash? A financial debacle? Your child becoming ill? A house fire? (Ok, you can kind of prepare for the house fire in terms of escape routes, fire extinguishers, etc. but that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about your house burning to the ground, taking everything you own and hold dear - outside of your family members and maybe the cat - with it)

You really can't. You can TRY. But how it plays out in your mind is NEVER close to the reality of it all. But I'm off track here. Getting back to God only giving us what we can handle. I think it's bunk.

Because if He only gave us what we could handle, we wouldn't need HIM. I think he INTENTIONALLY gives us more than we can handle because it forces us to rely on him. Abraham Lincoln is quoted as saying, “I have been driven many times to my knees by the overwhelming conviction that I had nowhere to go. My own wisdom, and that of all about me, seemed insufficient for the day."

"...I had nowhere to go..."

The little things in life - the ones we can handle - we don't think we "need" God to help us in those things. We get so full of ourselves and our abilities to handle the junk that comes at us each day that we turn a blind eye to the possibility of bigger troubles rolling our way. And I think God uses those to get our attention and remind us that we really cannot handle it without Him.

Two years ago, I thought I was all that and a bag of chips. We had made it through our first deployment and were gearing up for our second. I had learned a lot through that first deployment - lessons I planned to put to full use for the second go-round. I had plans and I was going to make them WORK. We'd pay off bills. We'd save some money. We'd do x, y, and z while MacGyver was gone. My house would be clean. The kids and I would enjoy our last adventures on the island while Daddy was off flying missions in Iraq. I'd get to spend some quality girl time with my friends whose husbands were also deploying. We'd take a hop or two back to the mainland to visit family. And then, MacGyver would come back, our family unit would be complete. We'd wrap up our time here in Paradise and PCS on to the next chapter of our Army life.

I could handle that.

The only things out of that entire list above that actually happened was the part about saving money (out of dire necessity) and the fact that our family unit is still complete. Which is an incredible blessing, in and of itself...one that outweighs every other thing on that list. Ten times over.

But God gave me a challenge that I had no possible way of handling. I was wholly and utterly unprepared for it. I never saw it coming and it knocked me so far back that I doubt I'll ever get back to the place I was before June of '09. How do you "handle" your husband being in trouble so deep that you literally cannot see a way out? How do you handle a CID agent telling you that you face criminal charges of your own and that CPS might very well take custody of your children because of that? (scare tactics...I know) How do you handle watching every single thing you've worked for your entire adult life disappear in front of you? How do you handle being so scared that you cannot breathe?

You don't.

You can't.

I couldn't.

Have you ever been in an earthquake? We take for granted that "terra firma" means "firma" all the time. In an earthquake, there is a mental disconnect - a dichotomy of sorts - between what your brain thinks it knows (the ground is solid and unmoving) and what it is experiencing (the ground IS moving). This was an earthquake of sorts only it was my life that was shaking all around me, not the ground. Nothing was solid. Nothing was as it should have been. Nothing was trustworthy or safe. There was nothing on this earth that I could rely on in those moments. Nothing.

I had friends - wonderful friends - telling me that it was going to be ok. As much as I love them, I wanted to yell at them that they were full of crap because no one knew, especially at the start of all of this, that any of this would be anything close to "ok". Like I've said before, I'm used to being able to pull strings and call in favors. I'm used to being able to put people in contract with the right resources for the situation and get them moving toward a solution. But I had no strings to pull. No solutions to point toward. I was left with my faith.

Up until that time, I was basically paying lip service to my faith. Yes, I believe in God. Yes, I believe that He has my best interests at heart. Yes, I believe. But those are words, not actions. I don't think there was ever really a time in my life prior to this that I've ever had to fully rely on God for anything. Or ever cared to. I could handle it all myself. But not this time. I've spent more time on my knees in the past two years that in the other 37 combined.

People have failed me. Institutions that I thought would support me have not. Friends that I thought would be there were not. Lifelines that I thought existed were not as strong as I would have hoped. These were some very tough lessons to learn. But I have never been forsaken. And through all of this, I have been blessed in ways that are immeasurable. I know I've discussed that before but I'm reminded of it on a daily basis now, which is it's own blessing as well. I took things for granted before that I no longer do.

The next time you find yourself getting ready to tell someone that God only gives us what we can handle, think about what you're saying. There really should be a caveat attached to that - He only gives us what we can handle WITH HIM and THROUGH HIM.

I'll step down off my soapbox now. This was just something that's been a burr under my saddle for a while and I needed to get it out.

Pau.

- hfs

Swamped

2011-05-20T21:51:00.002-10:00

Wow. I just looked at the date on my last post and realized it was two weeks ago. Whoops! Sorry about that. It's the end of the school year and I'm swamped. Homeschooling is having a full-time job AND all of the responsibilities of being a "stay-at-home-mom" on top of that. Which is exactly what working parents do every day only I'm not drawing a paycheck. But it's worth every (non-existent) penny.

That being said, we are slammed with wrapping up our main subjects, figuring out what needs to be worked on over the summer (math, history), and lining up curriculum and plans of attack for the next school year. Add to that a major play production for the homeschool co-op we are involved in, the end of the Awana year, Cub Scouts, BMX (I'm riding too!), and tackling our "Hawaiian Bucket List" in the hopes that we will...eventually...one day get off this island. We actually have two lists: the beaches we want to visit (and collect sand from) and the things we want to do. Our beaches list includes:

1. Ali'i Beach
2. Bellows Beach
3. Pipeline/Ehukai Beach
4. Ko'Olina Beach
5. White Plains Beach
6. Three Tables/Pupukea/Sharks Cove
7. Sunset Beach
8. Waimea Bay
9. ~~Mokule'ia Beach~~
10. Sand Island Beach Park
11. Waikiki Beach
12. Ala Moana Beach
13. Lanikai Beach
14. Kailua Beach
15. Ma'ili'ili Beach

Our "to do" list includes:
1. snorkel north shore (again)
2. hike Makapu'u light house
3. hike Koko Head
4. ~~hike Diamond Head~~
5. snorkel Haunama Bay
6. skydive
7. water park
8. botanical gardens
9. play tourist in Waikiki/Honolulu
10. swap meet

There are a few other small things that we want to do as a family - things that are special to us here but not worthy of being placed on the "bucket list" simply because they are things that we enjoy on a regular basis. But that pretty much covers it and that will be the goal of our summer - to visit/accomplish as many of those items as possible before we have to leave.

Assuming that day EVER comes...

Pau.

- hfs

Don't get any on you

2011-05-06T21:47:00.003-10:00

We went to a "Hail and Farewell" the other day (a going-away party that doubles as a "nice to meet you" party in military circles) to say goodbye to some really good friends. We all know how lame I am when it comes to goodbyes but I gutted it out because these people are absolutely worth it. When life was falling apart around us, they stood by us. When I found myself in a deep, dark hole, my friend was there with a flashlight (and a glass of wine if I needed it).

And, while it was great to be there for my friends and formally say "farewell" to them, I was reminded why I have avoided that scene for the past two years. When everything hit the fan with regard to MacGyver's career, some people scattered like cockroaches in a greasy kitchen when the light comes on. It was to be expected - the situation was messy. And I can almost respect that. They ran and didn't look back. Fair enough.

The thing that really baffles me are those people that - even today, TWO YEARS LATER - treat me like I am radioactive; like I'm going to contaminate those around me and that, even by being civil, they might possibly be infected in some way. MacGyver's mess started right before soccer season and this person to whom I refer had children in the same league as my children. Not once did this person say hello - even when social situations would dictate such an interaction. Not once.

At first, it hurt. At first, EVERYTHING hurt. It was just salt on a gaping wound at that point. But two years later, it's ridiculously comical. I sat at the bar during this Hail and Farewell (drinking a coke, in the hopes I might stay awake during it all), watching this person literally walk around the outside of the building to get to the other side rather than walk past me inside the building; not just once or twice but three different times. In the rain.

Who does that? What kind of an adult acts like that? MacGyver's mess is close to being wrapped up. The scary/icky/horrible part of it all is over and done with. There's nothing left to contaminate anyone. It's done. And yet, this person cannot bring themselves to act like an adult. It would make me laugh if it weren't so sad.

As much as it kills me to think about leaving this place, I cannot WAIT to be out of here for this reason alone: so that we won't have to put up with this ridiculousness any longer. I'd love to go to a company or battalion event and not be treated like I have leprosy. But this whole experience has left quite a sour taste in my mouth with regard to company-level and battalion-level events and, should the Army choose to retain my husband, I don't see myself being much involved with those things ever again.

Their loss.

If I could speak personally to these people, I'd point out that they missed a perfect opportunity to rise to the occasion and support a fellow military spouse. My husband didn't die, nor was he injured. But our family was devastated by the events that transpired and, when we needed them most, they failed. They failed to offer comfort, support, kindness, or even simply to reserve judgment at a time where that one simple act would have meant the world.

I bet that gavel gets quite heavy.

Pau.

- hfs

Where are we going

2011-05-04T15:10:00.003-10:00

and why am I in this handbasket? Seriously, I leave the island for a few days and all #$(( breaks loose. I managed to eek away time and, thanks to the generous donations of friends and family members, was able to head to the mainland to visit my mom, my BIL and SIL, and attend the MilBloggers' Conference.

I used to adore flying. Loved it. I used to get so excited that I literally couldn't sleep the night before a trip - even as an adult. That has changed. I'd blame it on 9/11 but that isn't really true. It's a completely irrational fear - I hate flying over water. If a plane has a mechanical malfunction while over land, there is an airport or most likely a flat stretch of ground that the pilot might be able to land upon. Not so much when you're over the Pacific Ocean. See? I told you it was irrational. Aren't most fears? I understand that I am many times more likely to die while driving my children to art class and that, should my plane experience mechanical malfunction while at 35,000 feet, I'm dead no matter what we're over - land or water. Regardless, I was a basket case getting on the plane in Honolulu. I'm pretty sure that, the next time I fly, there will be anti-anxiety meds involved. Hello, Ativan!

But I made it to Atlanta (yes, Hartsfield-Jackson airport IS the 7th circle of hell) and then on to my final destination. The ride itself was relatively uneventful and Advil PM is my best friend. Not to mention the fact that it was a new aircraft with the individual monitors so I was able to watch more movies in my 8 hour flight than I've watched all year long. I need to get out more.

And then, one of the highlights of my trip: I got to DRIVE. I live on an island whose circumference is a whopping 120 miles. So being able to drive more than 40 miles in any one direction without having to make a left turn was FASCINATING; not to mention the joy that comes from actually exceeding 55 mph. It was bliss. Add to that the ability to eat Panera and Dunkin' Donuts and I was a happy camper.

This trip was a tough one though. It's the first time I've been back to my parents' house since my Dad and my Grama passed away. I kept expecting my dad to come up from his workshop downstairs or to find my Grama out on the balcony, reading a book. It was really good to see my Mom who is recovering nicely from dislocating her hip and fracturing her femur. She showed me the xrays of the break and subsequent repair (2 rods plus screws) and it's impressive. Hopefully that's the last of any major medical issues for her for a while.

While I was there, the weather got crazy. We were due to drive down to Ringgold to visit my cousins the morning that all hell broke loose. Thankfully, I chose to err on the side of caution and we decided to stay home. Less than an hour later, my cousin in Ringgold texted me to tell me that her mom and dad's place in Chattanooga had been damaged in an early morning tornado - one of the first to hit the ground. Trees down, power lines down, power out. Minimal damage to the house but plenty of damage all around. I ran out to get batteries and candles - thankfully my father was the uber-prepared type so that's really all mom needed (actually, she probably didn't need the candles - they just weren't all in a central location). After that, we hunkered down and watched The Weather Channel for updates. I literally lived on my phone - between texting with my cousins, checking TWC's app for updates, and checking Facebook for info, I about wore my poor phone out.

It looked like we had made it through the worst of it with just some minor issues - trees down around mom's house, some minimal damage on the other side of the highway, etc. We had heard about the tornado that tore through Tuscaloosa and B'ham but that was far away and I don't have family in those areas so, while I was concerned, I wasn't worried. And then the cable went out. There was one last cell headed toward my cousins' house in Ringgold that looked menacing but they couldn't track it with the power out. So she texted me and asked me to check on my phone. When I did, it was right on top of them. Thankfully they were in the basement. The tornado that touched down in Ringgold passed less than 2 miles from their house. You can see the path it took HERE. Downtown Ringgold, including the high school, middle school, and (I believe) elementary school are gone. The level of devastation is incredible.

My cousins in Chattanooga will be without power for weeks. But that is a small inconvenience compared to the lives lost and property destroyed by this storm. I am just glad they are all alive.

Once the weather settled down, I was able to head out to visit my BIL and SIL who live a few hours away. It was good to see them as I have not had the chance to do so for entirely too long. And then, it was off to the MilBlog Conference.

The MBC is a family reunion, of sorts...complete with all of the crazy cousins, the perverted uncle, the in-fighting, the cousins that can't hold their liquor, etc. So really, it's a lot like going home. (sorry Mom!) It was good to see old friends, familiar faces, and make some new friends.

My flight up there took forever and then I managed to get my silly self on to the wrong Metro train (I was tired...I don't live there...I wasn't paying attention) and didn't manage to notice this until I was 4 stops past where I needed to catch my connection. I was almost late getting to the hotel to catch the bus out to the Naval Memorial to catch Mark Wills in concert. He debuted his new song, "Crazy Being Home" and it brought me to tears (doesn't take much, it seems). It was awesome. Cold, but awesome.

Donald Rumsfeld opened up the MilBlogging Conference and you can read about all of that in the posts below. I can't really add much to what I've already said.

The day wrapped up with dinner down the road a ways with some good friends and then drinks down a different road with some other friends. I can't really put any of that into words that would make any sense to anyone. I find that, after this conference, it literally takes me weeks to process everything. But I'm already counting down the days to the next conference. And I swear, this time, I will go earlier and stay longer. I SWEAR.

There were some friends who were absent and they were missed. Terribly. Hopefully they will be there next year. We missed you.

Flying home was an Olympic event, complete with sprints, ruck marches, obstacle courses, and weight lifting. And we ran into some E-ticket weather coming in to HNL, including one heck of a light show which you can see HERE. I missed the biggest strike, sadly, but it was still impressive. Seems the weather here was insane just like it was on the mainland.

It will be a while before I leave again.

Edited to add: I totally forgot! While I was back at my BIL/SIL's place, we found out that Public Enemy #1 had been killed. Definitely an interesting evening. There are plenty of other people - some who are much more well-qualified than I - commenting on how things played out so I will use this time and this space to express my undying love and adoration for our Special Forces personnel. Seal Team 6 and 160th Special Operations Aviation Regiment: I love you.

Pau.

- hfs

MilBlog Conference 2011 (MBC) - 4

2011-04-30T08:18:00.001-10:00

Gold Star Families panel. I can't blog this one. I just can't. Go watch over at YouServed.

Pau.

- hfs

MilBlog Conference 2011 (MBC) - 3

2011-04-30T06:32:00.002-10:00

LTG William Caldwell (commander, NATO training mission) addresses us from Afghanistan.

LTG Caldwell is welcoming everyone. This is his second time addressing this conference - last time was as the commander for CGSC. He applauds each and every blogger for what they do in supporting the United States military.

Live stream up over at YouServed.

He's currently talking about infiltration into the ranks, based on the events in Afghanistan recently where US servicemembers have been killed by Afghan servicemembers. He's quite emotional and it's obvious that this is taking it's toll on him. I can't imagine. There is an 8-step process and a biometric database that aids in vetting the Afghanis. Afghanis are also starting to employ HUMINT and counterintelligence training in their effort to help weed out infiltrators. By the end of this year, there should be about 440 Afghani soldiers trained in these methods and serving in BNs and BDEs.

Question: What tools are we giving the soldiers over there in order to tell the stories of the training they are taking place in Afghanistan?
The philosophy is that there is nobody more informed than the soldier on point, doing that training each and every day. They need to be made to feel free to engage in whatever avenue of social media that they are comfortable with to share their experiences.

Question: What protections do we have that the Afghan soldiers WE train don't leak away and join the insurgency to use those skills against us?
There isn't an automated database up and running yet but it's on it's way. By employing biometrics we hope to be able to track those assets.

Question: per Pres. Obama we begin to drawdown in July. Will his command be immune from that process for the time being?
The command represents about 3% of the current force in Afghanistan. They have plans to be there for many years but are setting the conditions for the Afghanis to take the lead on the situation per the drawdown in 2014.

Question: What do you see the role being for junior officers in terms of social media environments?
We train them to understand the limits of the system - the ins and outs - what's appropriate and what is not. 99% of the American public have no experience serving in uniform, therefore our servicemembers are our embassadors. Use the social media to share your experiences but do so responsibly.

Closing remarks from LTG Caldwell.

I have to say, I admire this man. His support for social media is unwavering and clear. His support for his soldiers is beyond that. Our military is in good hands with this man. It was good to see him again.

Pau.

- hfs

MilBlog Conference 2011 (MBC) - 2.1

2011-04-30T05:36:00.002-10:00

Back now. Still talking about social media and the DoD. Talking about ROI/ROE - rules. Are they liberating in their clarity or constraining? The consensus is that it depends on who is implementing them.

Taming the 24/7 beast that is social media is almost un-doable.

Question: is it possible that the military has gone too far toward social media and too far away from the MSM?

Relationships are key. Bloggers and social media personnel have to build those relationships as well and harass them as much as possible.

Question: As social media matures, what might the affect be on a command staff and PAOs to take advantage of said media and inform those decisions?
As a commander, it's your responsibility that everyone have access. This isn't going away. It's a process of culture.

More coming!

Pau.

- hfs

MilBlog Conference 2010 (MBC) - 2

2011-04-30T05:01:00.005-10:00

Next panel is Social Media and the Military.

Moderated by: Lindy Kyzer Panelists: Captain David Werner, LTC Andrew Morton, Gregory Reeder, Robert M. (“Bob”) Bohanek

Read more: Milblog Conference

1. Policy landscape: DoD recently disbanded it's social media component. How do you see social media transforming?
LTC Morton: In terms of policy...there's no turning back. Even if the SecDef wanted to shut down some of the external components, he couldn't. It's not a policy, it's not a platform. It's you - the people in this audience and on the 'net. There are ROE but the bottom line is that our policy is to make sure that you have accessibility to our leaders and that our soldiers have accessibility to your blogs.

2. Is there a policy?
CPT Warner: The Navy does have a policy - personal use and professional memos. You can't legislate "Don't be stupid." But the Navy's policy is that we're burning the boats - we're there to stay and we're not going back. Now the question is how do we arm and train our sailors in this situation? Time to shed some 20th century thinking.

Greg Reader: The Corps has policy for each aspect - all based on old models. Things happen so fast that, once you get the policy out, you have to amend it. And that doesn't even beging to cover the legal issues. You can't wait on Terms of Service - moves too quickly. Hard to put teeth to a policy so we fly by the seat of our pants. Policy can't keep up.

Bob Bohanic - the leadership has no clue what we're doing with social media. It's like toothpaste - it's left the tube and you can't get it back in.

3. What's the current landscape for educating servicemembers in social media?
LTC Morton: less than 1 out of 4 bloggers is a servicemember. So accessibility to soldiers and leadership is the key issue. The Army has put together a social media primer. It's a G6 fight - information and information assurance.

4. Top 40 companies are doing the same thing now that the DoD is doing - creating policy. There are resources out there in the private industry - use them.
LTC Morton: the flip side is that civilian industry looks at the DoD for inspiration as well.
Bob Bohanic: when you try to build a social platform, you'll succeed. If you're trying to make a buck, you're going to fail.

5. Are you seeing a synergy between social media and the news cycle?
CPT Warner: Operation Tomodachi as the example. 7th Fleet's Facebook page adds detail and clarification to a news story about the USS Reagan and radioactivity that affected the MSM's story. So yes, there is a synergy.

More coming - going to go take a few pictures.

Pau.

- hfs

MilBlog Conference 2011 (MBC) - 1

2011-04-30T03:04:00.003-10:00

I'm getting a late start on my live-blogging of the 2011 MilBloggers' conference here in Washington, D.C. Currently, the former Secretary of State, Donald Rumsfeld is speaking. He's shorter than I expected. Apparently, the camera not only adds weight but it also adds inches.

He's funny. Says he appreciates what we do even though he doesn't quite understand WHAT we do.

It's open for questions:

1. What are your thoughts on the current change in leadership at the CIA? (General Petraeus will be taking over leadership of the agency):
Secretary Rumsfeld is concerned over the fact that we've had 4 or 5 CIA leaders in the past 10 years. If you ran a company like that, you'd go broke. You simply cannot efficiently run an organization like that. His hope is that a respect for the seriousness and the importance of those posts will develop as well as the realization that that kind of turnover is not conducive to the success of the agency.

2. Given the President's announcement of $400 billion in defense cuts, what are your thoughts?
Any big bureaucracy has waste and there is no doubt that the Pentagon is not immune to that. There is also a lot of resistance to those kinds of cuts. He says he has not studied the cuts proposed but he has studied history and cuts like this are cyclical. We drew down after the Cold War and look where it got us. Our Human Intelligence community was starved for resources and that is what GHWB inherited in 2001. And look where that got us.

3. Rumor has it that you were a relatively demanding boss (he read that in the book) during your tenure. In our environment, there is a fear of making a mistake, especially with regard to social media. If you were a new boss, coming into things now, what would you say to people to open up participation in social media?
You relax and enjoy it and encourage it. You can't stop it. The enemy is using it. Change is hard for people and they like to think that they are controlling things but it's impossible. You just have to accept it.

4. Thoughts on the fielding of the MRAP (during your tenure and after you left office)?
He's not sure how to put it...people were getting killed by explosives in Iraq and Afghanistan. Every time we found a way to avoid those injuries and casualties, the enemy would find a way around it. Finally, he said that wasn't acceptable. If the Army is not capable of equipping our soldiers in the field then you change tactics. Until you can protect them, you keep them inside the compound. It has to be fixed fast. Hence, the MRAP. They reenergized the IED force - sped up technology development, intelligence gathering, etc.

5. Marcus is up from YouServed with a question from their readers.
What do you see as the biggest challenge in Afghanistan? Need a fresh look from leadership. And if your goal is to not BE there, then figure out a way to solidify the leadership instead of weakening it and trashing Karzai. Running around saying "the government is corrupt!" is like saying "There's gambling in the casino!". Find a way to strengthen their government. We can't compare them to us. We can't use our template to create their government. It's a totally different country and we have to give them a chance. We can't nation-build for them.

6. What leadership disagreements did you have and how did you resolve them?
Rumsfeld would encourage you to read the book. There is an audio version too!

7. Veterans serving in an elected capacity. What advice do you have and what would you tell them about developing a thick skin?
Rumsfeld would offer encouragement. Our political system is one of the most incredible feats of mankind. He would get Adalai Stevenson's speech (on his website) off there and give it to them. Read history. Read biographies. What we're going through today is uncivil but that's the nature of freedom - you're free to be unkind, uninformed. We need more people from the military in politics. Let the ick roll off your back. You get the burden with the benefit and the benefit with the burden.

8. Talk about the weight on your heart and mind when you have to send people into harm's way.
It's the toughest part of being in a policy-making position. What can you say to make them understand the appreciation that he and the country have for the sacrifices made by our servicemembers? They went in trying to encourage and always came out inspired.

9. Another question from the live-streaming chat. What advise would you give Secretary Gates on retirement?
He's not a big advice-giver. He'd thank him for his service. He doesn't worry much about Secretary Gates.

10. Another chat question: What are your thoughts on Libya?
What's our strategic edifice? What's important? First: do no harm. Make sure that whatever it is that we do is not disadvantageous to the "big pieces" - Iran, Syria, Egypt, Saudi Arabia, etc. You cannot end up with Khaddafi still there. Leaving Saddam in place empowered him. You can't do that with Khaddafi or you'll wind up with the same result. In our circumstance, the mission MUST determine the coalition. It's what GHWB did - set the goal first. Not the other way around. There's no clarity. We have no idea what we're trying to accomplish. The coalition was formed without clarity and it's harmful.

11. WRT Lybia: are you suggesting that there is another way to remove him beyond what we're doing?
There are other opportunities - beyond boots on the ground - that we can utilize to remove him. There are things we can do that will strengthen the rebels and weaken the government/Khaddafi and we're not doing them. When it's over, he thinks that Khaddafi should be gone and the people of Lybia should play a big part in making that happen.

And the panel is over. Time for book signings and pictures. My overall impression is that Secretary Rumsfeld is incredibly sharp, wouldn't know how to BS if you paid him, blunt, and quite funny. I have a feeling sarcasm is probably his first language and that we'd get along quite well.

As wonderful as it was to meet, what made the morning even better is meeting an old friend live and in person for the first time. That definitely was worth the price of admission.

Pau.

- hfs

Norovirus = fun times

2011-04-19T00:25:00.002-10:00

The Girl is down with what appears to be a bout with the norovirus. All the fun of a tummy bug minus the fever. She's showing signs of mild dehydration and can't keep a single thing down - not ginger ale, not ginger tea, not water. We'll try again in a short while. Her vitals are holding steady at the moment but if this continues, she may get an all-expense paid trip to the Acute Care Clinic and a reintroduction to an IV.

When she was 4 months old, she came down with bronchiolitis and the croup at the same time. Her oxygen saturation levels plummeted and she wound up spending the night in the hospital on an IV and a nebulizer. Scared the CRAP out of us. At 5 months of age, she picked up rotovirus. Back to the hospital we went; this time due to dehydration. Cue the IV again. At 6 months, it was rotovirus again. Poor kid couldn't catch a break. Back to the hospital, back on the IV. At 7 months, it was RSV. Cue the nebulizer and the IV yet again. They offered to give us our own parking spot at the hospital.

I politely declined.

Finally, we were clear of it all and, for the most part, she has been healthy ever since. She's had the typical run-ins with colds and tummy bugs but nothing remarkable. The Boy was a different story - multiple run-ins with strep until I finally convinced his pediatrician to give me the ENT consult so that they could yank his tonsils out. He has been healthy ever since. As has the girl. Until today. Poor thing.

The timing of this is curious as Hawaii has had a recent run-in of it's own with the norovirus. I'd be more suspicious if we had actually been out to eat anywhere in the last week. But we have not. So who knows where she picked it up. I'm just hoping that, if I'm going to get sick with this one, it happens sooner rather than later as I am heading to the mainland in the near future and really, REALLY don't want to be sick on my trip. Maybe I'll go share her cup of ginger ale...

Pau.

- hfs

'Why I believe in Team Rubicon, and why it is so important to me.'

2011-04-06T15:44:00.005-10:00

I don't know how to start this post.

First, I want you to read something. I swiped this without permission but I think it will be ok, once I explain. But first, read:

Wounded, But Still in the Fight
by Clay Hunt

On March 14, 2007, laying in the prone outside of Fallujah with a SAW pulled into my shoulder, a sniper round took my left wrist out from underneath my chin and my life was changed forever. No, wait, let me back up. On March 11, 2007, pinned in the driver’s seat of my truck with RPK rounds pinging off the bulletproof glass next to my left ear, and no way to get to my A-gunner who lay dying in the street 20 yards in front of me, my life was changed forever. Wait. Let me back up one more time. At dusk on February 18, 2007, monitoring our radio on top of an AMTRAC 15 clicks from my best friend’s squad, I heard that my bunkmate had been killed, and my life was changed forever. That was the moment I realized that we weren’t invincible. That’s when it all started, I guess.

Nothing has been remotely the same for me since that day in February when Blake was killed. I went back to my hooch when my squad got back from our mission the following day, and all of his things had already been put in a metal box and sent away, back to his mom I guess. He had gotten the bottom bunk that didn’t have a fluorescent bulb next to it, so I moved all of my stuff down and slept in his bunk for the next 3 and a half weeks until I got shot. I think I just wanted to be closer to him, I guess. But I couldn’t- he was gone. Then there was Nathan.

Nathan and Blake were like brothers- we called them the twins, actually. They never left each other’s side, except on squad patrols, because they were in different squads. They even looked alike. It’s weird to think about now, really- I still see their faces when I see a skinny young Jarhead with no hair these days. Sometimes I have to actually do a double-take just to make sure it’s not one of them. But back to the story.

Dawn broke on us March 11th, with the birds starting to chirp, then the music from the mosque nearby came on for a call to prayer or for Jihad- I couldn’t tell which- and then the sun finally started to break the horizon. My team was on the roof of a building our platoon had been running patrols out of for the last 3 days, providing security. It was me, my TL Mike, Layton, and Nathan. I’m the only one left, but that’s an entirely different story, because we lost Mike and Layton the following year in Afghanistan. We were up there while everyone was preparing to move out, back to our FOB a few clicks away, and it was a beautiful morning. I still have a couple photographs to prove it. About 1100 or so, the platoon was finally ready to move, so we all loaded up.

I was always in a different truck from the rest of my team, I can’t really give you a good reason why, other than I had a Humvee “license” and they didn’t. Whatever. We started to move, with my truck and one other lagging behind for security as the platoon took a sharp right down Reds, back towards Mobil. I got told over the radio to stay put and cover the canal crossing because there were some shady looking dudes that the first 3 trucks had spotted hanging outside the barbershop on the corner, and they wanted to go question them- it was a known insurgent hangout. So I’m staring out across this canal, wondering what the hell is going on because I can’t see the other 3 trucks, and the beautiful stillness of that morning was shattered as all hell broke loose.

A few seconds later I got the call to push up, and floored it around the corner, straight into a full on ambush. Nathan was laying in the street: he had taken one through the throat from a sniper, which was the kickoff to this crazy game. We were taking fire from 3 set in RPK positions, but the fury we unleashed from our turrets was vicious- the enemy called it quits after about 20 minutes, and we were able to get Nathan on a bird, but he left us as he was in the air on the way to the OR. I’ll never forget seeing Jake and 3 others carry him onto that bird on a stretcher- It’s a scene that plays on repeat in my head nearly every day, and most nights as well.

The next patrol our platoon went on was 3 days later, immediately after Nathan’s memorial at the FOB. As my team sat in a security perimeter around a building the rest of my squad was searching, I laid in the prone, resting my chin on my left wrist, which was holding my SAW into my right shoulder. My mind wandered: Jake had spoken at the memorial, and I wondered what he would say about me if I was gone. Immediately I realized I couldn’t think that way, not right then, so I picked my head up a little, refocused on the road I was covering- and then my wrist disappeared out from underneath my chin. I was on my way to the hospital within 20 minutes, and was back in California on leave a week later.

I went back to combat in Afghanistan as an 0317 Scout/Sniper a year later, but that’s not what I want to talk about. I want to talk about how I’ve dealt with the PTSD that plagues me after those few months I spent in Iraq in ’07. I want to tell other vets who are struggling with the same feelings and experiences as me just how I deal with it, so that they know they’re not alone.

My physical wounds are unnoticeable, and I quickly learned how to deal with the pain that is constantly in my wrist, just by changing the way I use my hand- push with a closed fist, and try not to do anything that makes my hand bend backward. The mental wounds are far more apparent, and have proven much more difficult to deal with, but I have figured out how to make them hurt less- and not with drugs or alcohol like so many vets I know do- like I used to for a time.

I work out A LOT. I spend hours at a time on my bikes, whether its mountain biking or road cycling, and have been practicing Yoga for the past 9 months. Exercise like that where I am working hard but steady, for long periods of time, releases certain chemicals in my brain that do more to relieve anxiety and stress than any pill the VA ever gave me. I could try and explain it better, but I’m not a neurologist, so I don’t really have the vocabulary. But just working out a lot isn’t enough- I had to find something else, something that gave me a renewed sense of purpose and helped me to stop questioning why Nathan died and I didn’t. I found it in Team Rubicon, the organization that I am a part of that my friend Jake started by calling on me and 8 others to respond to the earthquake in Haiti, to provide aid to those who so desperately needed it.

I made my way down to Port Au Prince about 36 hours after the others had arrived, because I had been at my stepbrother’s wedding and couldn’t leave my family. As soon as I got home, I booked a flight to Santo Domingo, D.R. and that was as far as my planning went. How I found the Team amidst all the chaos is a story in itself, but I'll never forget the relief I felt when I found the Team and they needed another set of hands.

I found more there in Port Au Prince than I knew I had been missing. I cannot tell you how good it feels to be able to go into a rubble strewn city in a third world country, and to be able to do good without having to worry whether or not everybody around is about to start shooting at you. I found a renewed sense of purpose within myself that has been missing since I separated from the USMC- another way that I can serve, and for a cause that I truly believe in: helping to bring medical aid and assistance to people that are suffering, and who have no access to medical care. I found myself in the company of a band of brothers once again, which has been absolutely priceless to me. With their help, I was able to treat and to help provide reassurance to the many patients I saw- whether it was just dressing changes, casting fractured bones, wound cleaning and care, or setting a young man's broken arm so that It will heal correctly. I was constantly challenged, and was consistently able to overcome those challenges due to the help of the men and women who I found myself working alongside.

I think the one thing that will always remain with me from our missions to Haiti, and then to Chile when that earthquake happened, is the gratitude that I've seen in the eyes of our patients. Every single one of them simply could not believe that these young Americans had come to help treat them, and that we didn’t want anything in return. The smiles I saw on hundreds of children’s faces, and the thanks given to us by grandparents, brothers, sisters, mothers and fathers means more to me than any amount of money someone could ever throw my way. The fact is, the world truly needs people like us- people who have a desire to serve, the willingness to put one’s self in harms way, and who are content with being paid very little or not at all. I’m not talking about myself or Jake right now- I’m talking about nearly every member of the US military that I have ever met.

If I had one thing to say to my fellow veterans, it would be this: Continue to serve, even though we have taken off our uniforms. No matter how great or small your service is, it is desired and needed by the world we live in today. Volunteer to mow your elderly neighbor’s lawn for them. Spend a day at a soup kitchen helping feed the homeless, many of whom are veterans themselves. Work on a trail maintenance project. Start a service organization. It doesn’t matter what it is, it only matters that you are continuing to put others before yourself, just like you did when you were in the military. Actions like that are the only sure ways to bring about the positive social change that our country and our world need so badly these days, and that is exactly what we do at Team Rubicon. While most watch the suffering of the world on their TV, we ACT, rapidly and with great purpose. Not counting the cost, and without hope for reward- we simply refuse to watch our world suffer, when we have the skills and the means to alleviate some of that suffering, for as many people as we can reach. That is the essence and spirit of Team Rubicon, and that is why I am both humbled and proud to be able to call myself a part of it.

INACTION IS NOT AN OPTION.

-Clay Hunt

Now let me explain why I don't think it's a problem that I swiped this. Clay Hunt killed himself last week. As his friend, and Team Rubicon co-founder, Jake Wood, stated, "God must be in one hell of a fight because he keeps taking the best Marines".

I cannot wrap my brain around this. Clay was incredible. The little I know of him absolutely blows my mind. And he was surrounded by what appears to be an amazing support system. He was well-aware of his struggles, he was working to cope with them, and he had found something that was really working to fill that overwhelming void he faced.

And yet, here we are. Mourning the loss of someone who had SO MUCH to give. It's almost as if he died within view of the finish line. He was SO CLOSE. So close. And now he's gone. I go back and forth between being overwhelmed with sadness and being angry, which I am sure is a "normal" reaction. I think the anger comes from being able to see that he had so much to give and he took that. He took that from a world that so desperately needs it. And I think it also comes from the worry that others who face similar demons will see what Clay did and wonder...if HE couldn't slay those demons, can I?

I don't know what the answers are. I don't know if there ARE answers. That's the scariest part of all of this. What if we do everything right - EVERYTHING - and it's still not enough? Then what? How do we keep from losing more people like Clay? I don't know.

Until we find the answer, there IS something you can do. You can support Team Rubicon Transition.

Team Rubicon Transition (TRT) provides at-risk United States military veterans an opportunity to transition into civilian life through continued service in large-scale humanitarian projects. We build on our veterans’ instinctive leadership skills and provide them with on-the-job training in recognized civilian trades. TRT creates a sustainable impact by partnering with local nationals and social entrepreneurs in support of their needs. By working together our veterans’ can maintain their Esprit de Corps while serving to enhance local infrastructure, services, and economies across the globe.

I wish I had the answers. But all I have are questions.

Why?

"Freedom has a taste, and for those that have fought for it, the taste is so sweet the protected will never know." -General George S. Patton

Pau.

- hfs

While the cat's away...

2011-03-26T23:14:00.001-10:00

...the mice will clean. Wait, CLEAN?!? Yep, clean.

As anyone who knew me in real life during our last deployment will tell you, my house was about spotless while MacGyver was gone. Granted, my children were much smaller (therefore, they made smaller messes) but the main reason was that I had only 2 small people to keep up after. With MacGyver home, I am outnumbered 3 to 1 and, while I am good, I am not THAT good. I fight a constant battle at the door to the garage - keeping the things that belong in the garage IN the garage, not to mention staying on my children to clean up their messes (I swear, they are Hansel and Gretl - you can tell what they've been doing all day long based on the piles of stuff strewn about the house and yard).

So, while MacGyver was on a camping trip with The Boy, I took advantage of his absence (and, therefore, an absence of any discernible bedtime for Yours Truly) to tackle the garage (the 1/2 that does not contain the workbench and the Army Gear), the bathrooms, the junk drawer, our bedroom, and the kitchen. And the living room. Needless to say, they were immaculate for about 2 days. And for 2 days, my OCD was at peace.

While some wives like to plop down in front of the television and watch Lifetime all day long or indulge in a glass of wine (or 5) while their husbands are gone, my silly OCD self likes to indulge in the smell of mildew and soap scum remover, big black trash bags, and the vacuum cleaner. I know, I'm odd. But I love it!

In other news, it looks like I will be missing the MilBlogging conference for the first time in 6 years. I am so very, very disappointed. I was hoping to be able to go visit my mom (she broke her hip about a month ago), visit my brother-in-law and his wife, and hit the conference but ticket prices are ridiculous and even if I could sell a kidney and pay for the ticket, I'm not sure that MacGyver can take leave so that I can go. It's still a month away but it's not looking promising. And here I was hoping to be on the same flight as Chuck. Bummer.

We're still waiting on the final word regarding MacGyver's Army career. His elimination packet is up at Human Resources Command and it will go before an HR board for their say. Assuming they follow suit and recommend the discharge (honorable! woohoo!!!) then it will work its way through a few more small hoops and then he'll start to outprocess. Right now he's looking for an AGR slot so anyone with any connections in the Guard world (specifically, aviation and, more specifically, Chinooks), feel free to drop me a note if you can offer help of any kind in this area. The less downtime between Big Army and a Guard position, the better off our family will be.

Barring that, the contractor world is our next level of interest. Although, right now, the contractor world is pretty tight. Hopefully by the time Big Army gets its poop in one sock, the federal government will have a budget in place and things will loosen up. We'll see.

That's really about it for us. Fun and excitement all the time over here!

Pau.

- hfs

Tsunami WARNING - update

2011-03-11T04:52:00.001-10:00

Seems we've dodged yet another bullet. Wave heights somewhere around 7 feet. No major damage reported though we'll know more once the sun rises. This was the real deal - just not as devastating as it could have been.

And now we turn our prayers and attention to Japan...

Pau.

- hfs

Tsunami WARNING

2011-03-10T21:52:00.002-10:00

Ok - this just got a lot more serious. Our watch has been upgraded to a warning and, judging by the pictures and video I'm watching at the moment, we might be in for a bit of a bumpy ride. Moreso than the last time.

I think we're as good as we can be at the moment: we have food, water, TP, and ammo. I'll keep you posted.

000
WEHW40 PHEB 110731
TSUHWX
HIZ001>003-005>009-012>014-016>021-023>026-110931-
/O.CAN.PHEB.TS.A.0001.000000T0000Z-000000T0000Z/
/O.NEW.PHEB.TS.W.0001.110311T0731Z-000000T0000Z/
BULLETIN
TSUNAMI MESSAGE NUMBER 3
NWS PACIFIC TSUNAMI WARNING CENTER EWA BEACH HI
931 PM HST THU MAR 10 2011
TO - CIVIL DEFENSE IN THE STATE OF HAWAII
SUBJECT - TSUNAMI WARNING
A TSUNAMI WARNING IS ISSUED FOR THE STATE OF HAWAII EFFECTIVE AT
0931 PM HST.
AN EARTHQUAKE HAS OCCURRED WITH THESE PRELIMINARY PARAMETERS
ORIGIN TIME - 0746 PM HST 10 MAR 2011
COORDINATES - 38.2 NORTH 142.5 EAST
LOCATION - NEAR EAST COAST OF HONSHU JAPAN
MAGNITUDE - 8.8 MOMENT
MEASUREMENTS OR REPORTS OF TSUNAMI WAVE ACTIVITY
GAUGE LOCATION LAT LON TIME AMPL PER
DART 21413 30.5N 152.1E 0659Z 0.76M / 2.5FT 32MIN
HANASAKI HOKKAIDO J 43.3N 145.6E 0657Z 2.79M / 9.2FT 76MIN
DART 21401 42.6N 152.6E 0643Z 0.67M / 2.2FT 40MIN
DART 21418 38.7N 148.7E 0619Z 1.08M / 3.5FT 06MIN
LAT - LATITUDE (N-NORTH, S-SOUTH)
LON - LONGITUDE (E-EAST, W-WEST)
TIME - TIME OF THE MEASUREMENT (Z IS UTC IS GREENWICH TIME)
AMPL - TSUNAMI AMPLITUDE MEASURED RELATIVE TO NORMAL SEA LEVEL.
IT IS ...NOT... CREST-TO-TROUGH WAVE HEIGHT.
VALUES ARE GIVEN IN BOTH METERS(M) AND FEET(FT).
PER - PERIOD OF TIME IN MINUTES(MIN) FROM ONE WAVE TO THE NEXT.
NOTE - DART MEASUREMENTS ARE FROM THE DEEP OCEAN AND THEY
ARE GENERALLY MUCH SMALLER THAN WOULD BE COASTAL
MEASUREMENTS AT SIMILAR LOCATIONS.
EVALUATION
A TSUNAMI HAS BEEN GENERATED THAT COULD CAUSE DAMAGE ALONG
COASTLINES OF ALL ISLANDS IN THE STATE OF HAWAII. URGENT ACTION
SHOULD BE TAKEN TO PROTECT LIVES AND PROPERTY.
A TSUNAMI IS A SERIES OF LONG OCEAN WAVES. EACH INDIVIDUAL WAVE
CREST CAN LAST 5 TO 15 MINUTES OR MORE AND EXTENSIVELY FLOOD
COASTAL AREAS. THE DANGER CAN CONTINUE FOR MANY HOURS AFTER THE
INITIAL WAVE AS SUBSEQUENT WAVES ARRIVE. TSUNAMI WAVE HEIGHTS
CANNOT BE PREDICTED AND THE FIRST WAVE MAY NOT BE THE LARGEST.
TSUNAMI WAVES EFFICIENTLY WRAP AROUND ISLANDS. ALL SHORES ARE AT
RISK NO MATTER WHICH DIRECTION THEY FACE. THE TROUGH OF A TSUNAMI
WAVE MAY TEMPORARILY EXPOSE THE SEAFLOOR BUT THE AREA WILL
QUICKLY FLOOD AGAIN. EXTREMELY STRONG AND UNUSUAL NEARSHORE
CURRENTS CAN ACCOMPANY A TSUNAMI. DEBRIS PICKED UP AND CARRIED
BY A TSUNAMI AMPLIFIES ITS DESTRUCTIVE POWER. SIMULTANEOUS HIGH
TIDES OR HIGH SURF CAN SIGNIFICANTLY INCREASE THE TSUNAMI HAZARD.
THE ESTIMATED ARRIVAL TIME IN HAWAII OF THE FIRST TSUNAMI WAVE IS
0259 AM HST FRI 11 MAR 2011
MESSAGES WILL BE ISSUED HOURLY OR SOONER AS CONDITIONS WARRANT.

Tsunami WATCH

2011-03-10T20:37:00.001-10:00

Fun times, I tell you! Just a watch at this point.

000
WEHW40 PHEB 110557
TSUHWX
HIZ001>003-005>009-012>014-016>021-023>026-110757-
/O.NEW.PHEB.TS.A.0001.110311T0557Z-000000T0000Z/
BULLETIN
TSUNAMI MESSAGE NUMBER 1
NWS PACIFIC TSUNAMI WARNING CENTER EWA BEACH HI
756 PM HST THU MAR 10 2011
TO - CIVIL DEFENSE IN THE STATE OF HAWAII
SUBJECT - TSUNAMI WATCH
A TSUNAMI WATCH IS ISSUED FOR THE STATE OF HAWAII EFFECTIVE AT
0756 PM HST.
AN EARTHQUAKE HAS OCCURRED WITH THESE PRELIMINARY PARAMETERS
ORIGIN TIME - 0746 PM HST 10 MAR 2011
COORDINATES - 38.0 NORTH 142.9 EAST
LOCATION - NEAR EAST COAST OF HONSHU JAPAN
MAGNITUDE - 7.9 MOMENT
EVALUATION
BASED ON ALL AVAILABLE DATA A TSUNAMI MAY HAVE BEEN GENERATED BY
THIS EARTHQUAKE THAT COULD BE DESTRUCTIVE ON COASTAL AREAS EVEN
FAR FROM THE EPICENTER. AN INVESTIGATION IS UNDERWAY TO DETERMINE
IF THERE IS A TSUNAMI THREAT TO HAWAII.
IF TSUNAMI WAVES IMPACT HAWAII THE ESTIMATED EARLIEST ARRIVAL OF
THE FIRST TSUNAMI WAVE IS
0259 AM HST FRI 11 MAR 2011
MESSAGES WILL BE ISSUED HOURLY OR SOONER AS CONDITIONS WARRANT.

Swamp Romp 2011

2011-02-26T13:31:00.004-10:00

The Marines over at KBay have a program called Semper Fit and each year, they put together a 5 mile course through the mud on the much on KBay. I'm pretty sure there is some pig slop and horse manure thrown in there for good measure.

And then people like me pay good money to come and slog through it in teams of 6. Yes, what the Marines get paid to do on a regular basis, I rolled my sorry butt out of bed at 4am, paid $25, and suffered through mud and rocks in places that should not HAVE mud and rocks, voluntarily - all in the name of "fun".

And it WAS. I went last year but wasn't on a team so I spectated and HATED.IT. I should have just tucked in with my friends' team after the start last year and it would have been fine. But I didn't. So I held out hope that I would still be on island when the 2011 event rolled around and I was! With MacGyver off island for training, it was just me and the kids. I rolled them out of bed at 0430 and loaded us all in the car to head over to the Windward side of the island. I duct taped my shoes on (you will be automatically disqualified if you lose a shoe), put my hair up in a cap, and lined up. We started off at a run...

I.AM.NOT.A.RUNNER.

I might run if I'm being chased. It depends on several factors:

a.) who is chasing me
b.) WHY they are chasing me
c.) whether they are armed

I am not a runner. Swimming? Sure. Biking? Yep. Walking? Yep. Not fast but I can do them. I can't run. But we ran the first 1/4 mile and then I thought I was dying. And then we came to the first mud obstacle and I really thought I was dying. I am short and the mud was up to my crotch in some places. I got dirty early and it kind of went downhill from there. That first slog was the worst and I was able to trudge through the rest. But I was the weakest link in my team in terms of speed so I felt badly about that. But we finished! And that's all that I was after. Here is the "after" picture. I'm still waiting on the "before" picture.

I'd love to say I'd do it again next year but so help me, if we are still ON this god-forsaken island next year, I might be in a padded room somewhere.

Swamp Romp 2011: been there, done that, got the T shirt!

Pau.

- hfs

Update on mom

2011-02-23T21:53:00.004-10:00

I talked to her briefly today - she came through the surgery fine and is recovering. Hopefully they can spring her out of there in a few days. She has help at home so it doesn't look like there is an immediate need for me to get out there. Which is a blessing - it's just not possible right now. Thanks for all of the well-wishes and support.

I"m still wallowing. I'll give it a little while longer but, honestly, I'm actually a little surprised at how stinking hard this has been. I didn't expect such a visceral reaction - I literally hurt. It's not like my friend died. She just moved. Eesh. Get a grip already!

I think it's just a combination of things and I think this little mini-breakdown has been coming for a while. I'd say I "deserve" it but, really, who deserves a breakdown?? That is just silly. But I'll be the first to admit that I am a mess right now. I am. But I managed to get myself and my children through the day so that's a start. It will get better. It has to. If it doesn't, I'm hosed.

The exhaustion is what surprises me. I didn't expect that. Which is why I think this is more than just "I'm sad because my friend left" or "I"m worried about my mom.". I think this is a result of the past 20 months of life and the toll it has taken on me. I think the only other time I have ever felt this tired was after The Boy was born and we were dealing with his HORRIBLE colic and my post-partum depression. That was the last time I felt this tired. And I'm sure that the fact that MacGyver has been gone through all of this recent mess and I'm dealing with it alone doesn't help.

So it will get better. Tomorrow, we might even leave the house! Good grief, that sounds pathetic. *sigh*

It will get better.

Pau.

- hfs

I was right

2011-02-22T23:43:00.003-10:00

February is kicking my ass. And I knew it was going to do so but the intensity of said butt-kicking is surprising even me.

MacGyver finally managed to get off the island after 2.5 years but it was for an Army field trip and he only got to fly a desk. And I swear, if I didn't know better, I'd say that they planned it so that the 2 weeks that he was gone were the most inconvenient 14 days to be gone out of the entire calendar year. He managed to miss The Boy's birthday party, his actual birth DAY, a farewell to some really good friends, several important events at church that he was to be involved in, and several other personal things. Eesh.

Our good friends - who left today (which is a sob story in and of itself) - were in a really bad car wreck late last week. Their car is totaled. They are pretty beaten up but they are ok. Thankfully their children were not in the car. But scary nonetheless. Saying goodbye to them today at the airport was just a notch easier than saying goodbye to MacGyver during the last deployment. I managed to hold it together until we were out of their sight. And then I cried all the way home.

And I'm not one of those people that can manage to still look good when crying. I'm a snot-slinging mess when I cry - a blotchy, puffy, snot-slinging mess. And seeing my children upset just compounds my sadness. Actually, it kills me.

And then today - as if there wasn't enough drama going on around me, my mother called me to tell me she was in the hospital. She passed out, fell, and broke her hip. And I'm stuck here on this god-forsaken island and cannot go to her. We have neither the money or the logistics to make that happen at the moment and I.HATE.IT.

I want this month to be OVER. I am heartbroken, beat up, and tired. This day has sucked. This week has sucked. And this month has sucked and I want a refund. Right now, I hate the Army and would like it to kindly kiss my butt. Hopefully my perspective and my attitude will change but right now, I'm quite bitter and resentful. And it's not pretty.

Pau.

- hfs

Dear Army...seriously?

2011-02-14T11:57:00.003-10:00

Macgyver has not been off this island since late 2008, due to everything that's been going on. And last week (as noted below) the board decided to discharge him honorably from the Army.

We just found out today that he gets to accompany the Battalion on a 10-day training exercise to the Big Island, during which he will miss The Boy's birthday (and birthday party) as well as The Swamp Romp and a few other things.

*sigh*

You gotta love the Army!

At least I'll get the bed to myself for a bit. But seriously?

Pau.

- hfs

Career Watch 2011 - UPDATE

2011-02-07T22:46:00.002-10:00

The board's decision was to discharge MacGyver honorably. Not what we were hoping for but still a blessing. The honorable characterization opens up so many doors for him that would have been closed with any other kind of discharge - National Guard, civilian employment, etc.

There are a few things that have to happen now:
1. the board's decision will have to be forwarded on to the Commanding General (who is downrange) who will either agree or override the decision
2. after the CG makes his decision (we will be informed as to what he decides) it will have to be forwarded on to Human Resources Command (HRC).
3. HRC will look at everything, weighing it all against the "needs of the Army" (i.e. how short are we on Chinook pilots/MTPs?) and make a final determination. This make take several weeks.
4. Even AFTER all of this is said and done, MacGyver can petition to be allowed back into the Army but that process can take up to (and beyond) a year.

So now he starts making phone calls and putting in applications. Tomorrow he's going to talk to the National Guard people here in addition to calling a few other contacts in other Guard units. And civilian employers. The sky is the limit, it seems.

It will be several weeks before we get final word from HRC and have to consider leaving/moving. In the meantime, we'll start exploring options.

Personally speaking, I see it as a blessing. Given the alternatives he was facing, this is a HUGE blessing. There are a lot of factors that are at play behind the scenes that don't need to be discussed here but the bottom line is that this is good news.

MacGyver is still in shock. He's disappointed that his Army career is over but relieved at the characterization of the discharge. It will take him a while to get excited about anything else - he doesn't quite know what to do if he's not in the Army as this is all he's really ever known. But he'll be ok. In the meantime, I'm excited enough for the both of us.

So it's now time to start a new adventure. Big Army's loss might very well be the Guard's gain. Or the civilian world. Who knows? In the meantime, I'm still breathing (yoga breathing, for those that are interested!).

Pau.

- hfs

Career Watch 2011

2011-02-07T17:44:00.002-10:00

Sorry - just a bit of dark humor there. Deliberation has commenced. I have no idea when they will be done, how the "hearing" part of it went, how long they will deliberate (what is acceptable when deciding the fate of someone's career? Is there a protocol to this?), or what happens next. These are all questions I've received today.

I swear, when this is done, I am SO writing a book.

I'll post when I know more. In the meant time, I am breathing.

Pau.

- hfs

So today is the day

2011-02-06T22:20:00.002-10:00

MacGyver's career hangs in the balance today. He goes before a board whose job it is to produce a recommendation as to whether or not MacGyver should be allowed to remain in the United States Army.

If you're the praying type, I'd ask that you pray. If you're not, I ask that you would simply sacrifice a small animal of your choice in the hopes that the board recommends that MacGyver be allowed to remain in the Army.

I'll keep you posted.

Pau.

- hfs

Sometimes lunch is just lunch

2011-01-28T09:51:00.006-10:00

A friend of mine invited me to lunch the other day, out of the blue.

It about triggered a panic attack.

This whole mess with MacGyver has really balled me up and I hadn't really realized it until my friend issued his lunch invitation. I know it's affected me in many ways...I just hadn't realized just how deeply. I hold my breath when I answer the phone. The first words out of my mouth when MacGyver gets home from work (after I scrutinize the way he exits his car, the way he walks up the walkway, the look on his face as he comes in the door) are "You ok?" or "What's up?". Not "Hi, honey!" or "I love you." I am constantly analyzing the looks on his face, the sounds he makes when reading an email or a text message. I eavesdrop on his end of the phone conversations - mainly to listen to the tone in his voice...in case it's more bad news.

I don't go in a certain gate on post because it takes me right past CID and I hyperventilate driving past. Lately, I've avoided going on post at all because it makes me tense up.

When a car pulls up in front of my house that I don't recognize, I panic. It takes every ounce of self-control to not slam the front door shut and draw the blinds.

The other day, I received a form in the mail from an agency conducting a background check on a friend. I started to hyperventilate until I opened it and realized it had nothing to do with MacGyver. It took me hours to relax.

And then my friend goes and invites me to lunch - rather spontaneously. And I questioned his motives...for no reason. He's military and my first thought was that this had something to do with MacGyver - even though they don't work together and have never actually met. A ridiculous thought but I thought it. And my stomach tightened up and my respiratory rate went through the roof.

I am a mess.

But sometimes, lunch is just lunch. And this WAS just lunch. And a good one at that. I'm hoping we can do it again sometime soon. And next time I can skip the panic attack.

Pau.

- hfs

The bay called the day

2011-01-20T20:45:00.020-10:00

Last year, we had the opportunity to witness a pretty rare event around here - the Eddie Aikau Quiksilver Surf Competition up at Waimea Bay. This week, we had another swell come through that looked to be Eddie-worthy. So I rousted the kids at 0330 and we made our way up to the North Shore. We arrived much earlier than we did last year and I was surprised at how easy it was to find parking and make our way on to the beach.

Sadly, the waves were not quite what everyone had hoped and the competition did not take place. But I was able to snag MacGyver's Nikon and get some decent shots. The window for this competition runs through 28FEB so the hope is that another swell will come through that IS Eddie-worthy.

The waves today were in the 15-18' range with the occasional set of 20'+. In order to run the Eddie, the organizers want 20'+ consistently. That didn't happen today. However, just the fact that they set up for this event - the second in two years - is impressive. In the past 25 years, the Eddie has only taken place eight times. For it to possibly happen two years in a row is news-worthy.

I'm working on identifying some of the surfers in the pictures below. If anyone knows their names (I'm assuming they are well-known surfers since rookies don't normally go out and surf 15-25 foot waves at Waimea Bay), please let me know in the comments. Thanks!

Pau.

- hfs

Call me when this is over

2011-01-11T22:42:00.003-10:00

Seriously. Can someone just call me when all of this is over and done with? I am tired. I am tired of waiting. I am tired of worrying. I am tired of speculating, planning, and wondering. It has been 19+ months since this mess began and it is still dragging on. Today, we found out that Fort Bragg is no longer an option at this point in time (sorry, Mom). The command here informed us that our welcome has been worn out and that, no matter the outcome of the administrative dealings, we will PCS as soon as it is over and done with.

Whenever THAT might be.

We were hoping that the command would let MacGyver stick around to complete the F-model transition but that isn't going to happen. Which means he will remain (for the time-being) a D-model Maintenance Test Pilot (assuming they allow him to remain in the Army). Which narrows our choices of future assignment down to: Korea, Alaska, Germany, Fort Riley (KS), and Savannah (GA). All of which are perfectly acceptable to me (Beggars cannot be choosers!). But nothing can happen until we find out how the administrative side of things is going to play out. So more waiting.

I am so tired of trying to explain to people that we don't know where we are going, or when. It's not that I'm tired of people, I'm just tired of the situation. I'm tired of not knowing. I'm just tired.

I am doing my best to focus on the bright side. And there is a lot that is bright. Even if the Army decides to thank him for his service but show him the door, there are possibilities within the National Guard. So that opens up a variety of new options. And there's always the civilian/contractor/mercenary side of life to consider. And ALL of this is bright compared to the possible outcomes that we were facing just 6 months ago. So, for that, I am thankful. I am thankful that we have a roof over our heads, food on the table, our health, etc.

But I swear, this has been the LONGEST GOODBYE KNOWN TO MAN. I feel like I've been saying goodbye to everyone around here for the past 19 months! For someone that detests goodbyes, this is exhausting! No WONDER I'm so stinking tired.

The information we received today (that we've worn out our welcome and will not be sticking around on this rock into the summer like we had hoped) does help to give us a better idea of our time-frame. Which is nice. I can stop saying "if we're here at that point..." because I know that, barring a miracle, we will not be here beyond the spring. So now I get to break that news to our friends here. Fun. Sorry, guys.

In the meantime, I continue to pray. I pray that the people making the decisions about MacGyver's career are just and fair. I pray that they are able to see that he IS still an asset to the Army and they are better off retaining him. I pray that they are able to see the man that he has become through all of this and the paradigm shifts he has experienced as a result of all of this and how that will benefit the Army and this country if they allow him to remain. I pray that they will offer him a second chance.

"There, but for the grace of God, go I."

But can someone just call me when this is all over?

Pau.

- hfs

Packing

2011-01-10T15:04:00.005-10:00

Not that there is ever a great time to move but I have to say that shortly after the holidays is a good time to move. All of the stores have sales on containers. And, since it looks like we'll be moving ourselves, I'm buying them in bulk. You should have seen the look on the cashier's face the the other day at Target when I came through with 20 66-gallon plastic bins (they were on sale for $7 each!). I need to get back there this week and pick up some more (even though the sale is over).

The other night when I couldn't sleep (yay, insomnia!), I went through each room and listed all of the main categories of stuff in each room. Once I had that list compiled, I marked them either 'X' or 'O' - 'X' for cardboard box, 'O' for plastic container. Some things are worthy of the plastic container simply because they are rarely used and plastic containers stack up better in a garage (or storage unit) than cardboard boxes. And, around here, cockraoches LOVE cardboard. Ick. So things like linens, shoes, out of season clothing, etc. all go in plastic containers. I've already started packing stuff. I figure it's better to pack a few boxes per day for the next few weeks than get slammed 5 days out and have to pull all-nighters to get it all boxed up. Not that I won't be doing that anyway but at least I'll get a bit of a head start.

We are also on "moving box lookout" mode. Friends of ours that PCSd here at the same time we did in 2005 are now back. They just moved into their new place and I hit them up for their boxes. MacGyver is under strict orders to secure as many boxes as he can get his hands on from work or those that he sees outside of military housing. And another friend of mine works for a copier company downtown and is giving me lots of boxes as well. So the books are currently being packed. Good Lord, do we have a lot of books! I'm weeding through some and getting rid of some however, we STILL have a lot of books! And those things weigh a LOT.

Then there is Craigslist. Thank GOD for Craigslist! That is definitely adding to our savings (and decreasing our overall HHG weight). If we do wind up having to move back to SoCal and put things in storage, it will be nice to not have quite so much stuff to store.

So my house is in a near-constant state of chaos at the moment - piles of things to donate, piles of things to sell, boxes here and there. Plus the normal mess of day to day living (my people are messy. Drives me nuts but I suspect I am fighting a losing battle). I do my best to keep it neat-ish but I often feel like Sisyphus.

Right now, my biggest struggle is with The Boy. He's like Hansel - leaving a trail of toys and "stuff" everywhere he goes. I could leave the house for 48 hours and, upon my return, I could tell you exactly what he did and what he ate based on the messes he leaves everywhere he goes. It frustrates me to no end (neat-freak that I am) and I've found myself at a loss as to how to deal with him and his messes. It's to the point now that I have told him that whatever he leaves out will be thrown away. And, if the item that he leaves out is pricey, he's going to have to work to pay us back. That had an effect but I am not sure as to how long that will last. There are days where I would really like to run away - this is one of them!

MacGyver found himself having to attend a mandatory social event this past weekend. On a Sunday. A Sunday! Who does that? I understand that he's in the Army and that he's pretty much on call 24/7. But a social event? Especially when said social event came with relatively short notice. Quite frustrating and required some juggling, given the fact that he's also the Cub Scout den leader and already had a Cub Scout event planned that afternoon.

It frustrates me because we've spent the past 19 months being treated as though we were invisible but now he's expected to show up to social events. Thankfully it was short and he had a pretty good time. And the kids and I were treated to a tour of the local police station for the Cub Scout event.

I should go pack a few more boxes. I have a load of stuff to take to the thrift shop and some more plastic bins to purchase. Fun times!

Pau.

- hfs

Dread

2011-01-06T23:21:00.003-10:00

I am dreading the month of February. Usually I try not to worry about what is to come - if anything, the past 19 months have taught me to try to live in today and not worry about what tomorrow will bring. However, the month of February is shaping up to be a rough one. And I'm already dreading it.

I'm not one for "best friends". Even in high school, I had several friends that I would have placed in that category. Different people for different aspects of my life. All wonderful (the people, not the aspects of my life) in their own way. And as I became an adult (when in the world did THAT happen???) that trend continued. I cannot look at one person (beyond MacGyver who truly is my best friend...as he should be) and say that they are my best friend. I've been blessed to remain close friends with many of my friends from childhood. I have many close friends from college. And I've been blessed to make wonderful friends at each of our duty stations (with the exception of Fort Campbell because we weren't there long enough!). And Hawaii is no exception.

I have a friend here who has been with me through thick and thin. She accosted me at our childrens' school one day, asking if I was a military spouse. Apparently, red-headed, fair-skinned people stand out in a school populated mostly by Asian and Pacific Islander children. Who knew? Come to find out, both of our husbands are aviators and both were deployed at the time. Her daughter was in the same grade as my daughter and we quickly became friends. And I couldn't shake her, no matter how hard I tried! We've seen each other at our best and at our worst and now it's time for her to leave.

And I don't think I can handle it. I really, truly do not think I can do this.

I'm horrible at goodbyes to begin with. I don't do them well. Hell, I don't do them at all. And yet, she's leaving. And she's going somewhere that, most likely, we will not go. My daughter and her daughter are close as well and I can see the pain that is coming for both of them and there is no way I can shield my baby girl from that heartache. And I'm not sure what hurts me more - the fact that I am going to have to say goodbye to my friend or the fact that my daughter is going to have to say goodbye to hers.

I'm crying just sitting here typing this. How in the world am I going to be able to say goodbye for real? Life has been kind in providing some distance between the two of us over the past few months. Her husband came home from a deployment. We started homeschooling. She's working on selling their house. All of which limited the amount of time we spend together. Not that I like it but my hope was that it might make things easier when the time came for them to PCS.

But I don't think that's going to help. Not as I sit here, wiping tears off my cheeks as I type this out.

Add to that the possibility that February might be the month in which we find out if MacGyver's Army career continues or ends and it is really shaping up to be a month I'd rather avoid.

I really don't think I can do this. This is going to be one of those cuts that's going to really, really hurt.

Pau.

- hfs

New Year

2011-01-04T22:19:00.002-10:00

*tap tap tap*

Is this thing ON? Hmm...not sure if anyone is still reading, given the fact that it's been almost 2 months since I stopped writing. But that's ok - this blog was never about having other people read. It is just an outlet for me. And having people read it is actually a double-edged sword because I can't just spout off whatever (usually inappropriate) thought crosses my mind. So I had to step back for a bit because most of what was threatening to come out of my mouth was anything but appropriate.

However, a lot of what was frustrating me then has come to pass (doesn't it always?) and I'm in a better frame of mind now. It's that whole "bitter or better...choose a vowel" thing, you know? And I was bordering on choosing the 'i'. And that's really not who I am.

So I'm back. Kind of. We'll see how this goes. I was going to come here and write a big update but really, there isn't much TO update. Limbo is still limbo. Roof is still over our heads. Food is still on the table. Everyone is (for the most part) healthy and happy. Life is good.

I need to pop over to the homeschool blog and update that one too. That one actually WILL have updates - and pictures. Lots of pictures. Amazingly, when I'm not parked in front of computer all hours of the day, there is lots to do! Homeschooling is going well and the kids are thriving. I find myself enjoying it as well (though I also enjoyed our 2 weeks of Christmas break!) so that's good.

That's really about it. Waves are churning on the North Shore so we might be venturing up north to get some shots in the near future. I'm starting to pack my house up in case we have to vacate the island in short order here soon. Just in case. Still praying that the Army sees fit to let us remain an Army family but very much in that "pray for the best and prepare for the worst" mindset. Especially since it looks like we will be doing the move ourselves (a Personally Procured Move, according to the JFTR. Yay.). So there's that.

Saying goodbye to friends as THEY leave the island. Something I am neither good at nor a fan of. Bleh.

Anyway, it feels good to be back. I think.

Pau.

- hfs

All pau.

2010-11-07T21:31:00.004-10:00

Do you ever get the feeling that something is wrong with you but you can't figure out what it is? You see the effects but no one will explain to you what the problem is? Almost like there is a "KICK ME" sign on your back that you can't see?

I'm tired and I'm frustrated and I'm hurt and I'm angry in more ways than I can (or should) articulate right now. I'm afraid I would be showing my @$$ if I were to open my mouth. So I'm going to be taking a break for a bit.

A friend of mine, when I talked to him earlier today, said he would pray for "discernment" for me. I told him that he'd better add laryngitis to the list as well because I'm afraid if I open my mouth, the things that would come out of it would be less than pleasant.

So I'm done. I'll be back...just not sure when. Most likely not until I can open my mouth and have something other than %*($&$#*(@&!#@*()$(#*@)_^)$@%&$*(#@&(* come out of it.

Until then, click on the Project Valour-IT box on the sidebar to your right and consider making a donation to help our wounded heroes out.

Pau.

- hfs

Project ValOUR-IT

2010-10-30T21:39:00.002-10:00

(this is a repost from two years ago)

MacGyver is a hands-on type of guy. Those of you who have met him can back me on this. Everything he does involves his hands. About six weeks ago (two years ago, now), he had shoulder surgery that effectively put one of his arms (and thus, his hand) out of commission. It's been a long six weeks for him - he's not used to not being able to use his hands. And for our family too. Our kids don't understand why Daddy can't wrestle with them or swing them up in the air or ride bikes with them.

I've done this in the past but I'm going to do it again.

I want you all to do me a favor this week. I want you to think about your hands. I would love for all of you to make a list of all of the things you do with your hands this weekend (keep in mind my mother-in-law reads this blog so let's keep it to a PG-13 rating...).

I dare you.

Post your list in the comments section.

Then, think about all of the things in that list that you could not do without your hands. Or your arms. Or your upper body.

You couldn't scratch an itch.

You couldn't button your fly.

You couldn't wipe your own rear end.

You couldn't wipe the tears away from your child's face or your loved one's cheek.

You couldn't dial the phone, type a letter, send an e-mail.

How would you stay connected to the outside world? How would you stay connected to your friends you left in the field?

Think about THAT for the the next few days...

Project Valour-IT - voice activated software and laptop computers (and Wii game systems and personal GPS units!) for our wounded soldiers. It's the least we can do.

Time to put your money where your mouth is. Click on the Project Valour-IT box on the sidebar to your right.

I have. Will you?

Pau.

- hfs

Army life overload

2010-10-21T22:44:00.003-10:00

I think I've had more Army life in the past week than I've had in the past 16 months! Between ball, 2 changes of command, an Officers' Call, a promotion party...it's been quite a week! But I'll take it and be grateful for all of it.

As I mentioned earlier, ball was good. The changes of command this week were good as well, though bittersweet in many ways. Saying goodbye to MacGyver's company commander (let's just call him CPT R) is tough. CPT R went to the small little military college up on the Hudson (West Point for those that don't know) with MacGyver's baby brother. So CPT R is like family and was from the moment we met him. I had been the FRG leader for all of about 2 months when CPT R took over as the company commander and I liked him from the start. True to West Point standard, he borders on OCD (or CDO for those of us that don't like the fact that the letters aren't in alphabetical order). Which is comforting to me because that tells me that none of the soldiers or their family members will fall through any cracks.

My mother was born and raised in the South and therefore raised me well so one of the first things we did was invite CPT R over for dinner. It was the right thing to do but, surprisingly, no one else extended the courtesy. Go figure. He came, he ate, he drank, he regaled us with crazy stories of his time with other units that may or may not have relaxed grooming standards. It was a great evening. And I was really looking forward to working with him and taking care of the families and the soldiers during he upcoming deployment.

However, that didn't happen. Instead, I was privileged to bear witness to his true character the first night that things started to fall apart. When I came home that first evening, it was to find CPT R sitting in my front yard, waiting for me. He was there to make sure I was ok, to reassure me that MacGyver was ok, to see what I needed, and to remind me that he was not only just a phone call away but literally just up the road and could be to my house in less than 5 minutes if I needed anything. No one asked him to do this. And he didn't have to be there.

But he was.

And that one, simple act of kindness sustained me in ways that I couldn't articulate if I tried. It brings me to tears just sitting here, typing this out.

Through the next few weeks, he called and visited me on a regular basis. He did the same for MacGyver. He was a lifeline for both of us in an incredibly dark period. And I'm not sure if either of us could have made it through all of that with out his kindness. He kept in touch as best he could during the deployment and met us with a big grin and a hug when he made it home safely.

MacGyver's very first company commander in Alaska was, and probably will remain, what he considered to be his best commander ever. She was amazing and her dedication to her solders and their families was the standard that I believe every company commander should be expected to uphold. However, CPT R's dedication rivals hers.

I am going to miss that man.

Now that the changes of command are complete, my hope is that MacGyver can make his way back over to the company and back into the cockpit in order to start progressing to fully operational status as both a pilot and an MTP. It's been about 2 years since he last flew so he's going to be a little rusty. But his nose is back in his books (yay for -10s, 5&9s, and the MTP manual, as well as all of the checklists that go along...it's like being back in flight school again!) and you can see the sparkle in his eye again.

I'm still having a bit of difficulty explaining to my friends (especially my civilian friends) that a deployment is a GOOD thing for him. But really, it is. A deployment would put some distance between him and the fallout from everything that has happened. A deployment would take him away from all of this and allow him to simply focus on flying. A deployment would give him the opportunity to fly his hiney off. It will be good for him professionally, personally, mentally, emotionally. And what is good for him is good for us. It will SUCK having him gone. I hate the idea of having to say goodbye to him again. But this is what he DOES. He's been given a second chance and I want him to be able to embrace that.

In the meantime, we wait to hear the final outcome. We start making our "Hawaiian Bucket List" of all of the things we want to do before we leave the island. And we thank God for all of it.

A friend of mine wrote to me yesterday and pointed out that she fit into a 4th group of people - those that have been supportive from afar. Her note made me smile and I wanted to say thanks (thanks!). In my mind, the people that are supportive from afar are in the same group as those that "stuck around". Even though the support isn't vocalized doesn't mean it's not just as important. Therefore my brain puts everyone in that category - you stuck around.

One of the biggest upsides to this blog, to my involvement with MilBlogs in general, to my involvement with the Officers' Spouses Clubs in the different locations we've been at is the connections I've made. I'm not "well-connected" by any means but I can usually get ahold of someone who knows someone or can pull a string somewhere or SOMETHING. But with everything that's been going on in my life this time around, there were no strings to be pulled. No connections to be worked. It was far too big for that. Tonight, during a Bible study that I'm a part of, we talked about how we react when our life is "Divinely Interrupted". And that's exactly what the past 17 months have been - a HUGE interruption. And, apparently, a Divine one. God apparently had a few lessons to teach me - probably the ones about NOT being in control, about humility, about not leaning on my own understanding but placing my faith in Him...all of those lessons that I've learned in my brain but apparently not in my heart.

I've not been in control of this for one millisecond. Nor have I even had the illusion of being so. Abraham Lincoln said,

"I have been driven many times to my knees by the overwhelming conviction that I had nowhere else to go. "

And that is so true. I had no where else to go. No one could help me. All anyone could do was pray. All *I* could do was pray. So that's all I did. The strength that sustained me through all of this was not my own. If it had been, I'd still be in a puddle of my own tears in a corner somewhere.

And one of the best lessons I've learned through all of this is that I have true friends in my life. Whether I know they are there or not. Whether they are standing on my front porch on what was, arguably, the worst day of my life, or cheering silently through my sitemeter on my blog...they are there. And I am blessed. Thank you.

Pau.

- hfs

Ball aka "You can never go home again"

2010-10-16T13:55:00.003-10:00

All night long, it was like the Oingo Boingo song, On The Outside (which, by the way, if you watch the video in this link, I was at that concert), was playing in my head. It felt as though I was watching things from the outside. Which is understandable - they all just came through a deployment and we didn't. But it was tough seeing the bonds and knowing that we really weren't a part of that.

It was SO good to see everyone though. In some ways, nothing has changed. They are still the Hillclimbers and crazy as ever. The life of the party remains the same. And it was fun.

I was a good girl and I kept my thoughts to myself and my conversation civil. I will admit that it hurt to watch the FRG leaders be recognized and not be able to share in that. However I was able to reconnect with some good friends and I know our time here is winding down so we'll just ride this out with a smile on our faces. We've come through this storm (for the most part) and we're still together which, really, is all that matters in the end. And hopefully our next duty station will be not only a change of scenery but a fresh start.

And now, a few more pictures.

The Grog. In true Hillclimber fashion (and because we couldn't slingload in our contribution), our portion of The Grog was brought in via a 5-gallon fuel container.

Our babysitter took pictures of us before we left. I felt like I was going to Prom. Where's my corsage?

We clean up well, don't we?

No, not MacGyver. Just my good friend Freschness.

It was a bittersweet evening but good, nonetheless. They are a good group of guys and, as a lot of them get ready to PCS or wrap up their Army careers, it is hard to say goodbye to them. But the only constant is change so there you have it. Company change of command is Monday and Battalion and Brigade will follow. It will be our time to leave this rock eventually.

Pau.

- hfs

Playing Cinderella

2010-10-15T23:50:00.003-10:00

Just a teaser because it is late and I am beat...

More later. Sleep now.

Pau.

- hfs

Irony

2010-10-12T21:02:00.003-10:00

MacGyver and I were discussing some things as they relate to regulations within the Army, specifically as they pertain to funding. He was lamenting the ridiculous nature of all of the parameters that regulate how different monies are spent within the Army (appropriated funds vs. non-appropriated funds vs. MWR funds, etc.) I said I could sympathize because those same regulations also pertain to FRG monies and that was one of the biggest headaches in running a Family Readiness Group - the money.

As the conversation wound down, I made the comment that I was glad I'd never have to worry about it again, given the fact that I plan to have nothing to do with FRG leadership again. The past sixteen months have left a bit of a bitter taste in my mouth, sadly. MacGyver seemed a little surprised by that declaration.

A few days ago, he came home and informed me that the company FRG was getting a new FRG leader (the old FRG leader was PCSing) and mentioned that the new FRG leader would like to call and get my input on some things. Which is fine - I have no problem offering advice if it is asked for. This evening, after I had announced that I would not be participating in another FRG, he pointed out that "they really wanted you back". And, while there is some smug satisfaction to be had there (I'd be lying if I said there wasn't), the bitter taste in my mouth prevents me from doing much more than that.

When all of the mess with MacGyver's career started, I found that people fell into one of three groups:

* the group that immediately distanced themselves, as though I had some kind of contagious disease

* the group that professed their undying support and then vanished (or worse)

* the group that stuck around

Sadly, the first two groups were bigger than the third. As for the first group, I get it. I understand that the enormity of the situation (and the possible consequences) was a lot to handle. Trying living it. So I can't say I hold a lot of contempt for those that walked away. At least that was an honest reaction to a lousy situation. So I get that, even though it sucked to watch people that you thought were your friends turn their backs on you when you needed them the most.

However, I don't get the second group. It's bad enough to be left out in the cold. For a long time (and even now, to some extent...though probably more of my own doing than anyone else's) I felt as though I wasn't even a military spouse anymore. Guilty until proven innocent, of sorts. So not only left out in the cold but, to some extent, thrown under the bus as well.

Maybe that's a bit melodramatic. Maybe. I was definitely left to fall between the cracks. And that hurt. I was, and still AM, a military spouse. And it still hurts. I don't react well when I am hurt. Anger is my SOP when I get hurt so it seems there is a lot of anger under the surface.

And the irony of the situation is almost laughable. The entity that ditched me and my family when I needed it THE MOST is now in need of my help. Huh. Go figure. Does it make me a bad person to want to say "kiss off"? Because that's my gut reaction. Probably not the most mature reaction (nor the most Christian, I am sure) though. My hope is that my anger will fade and my heart will soften. But that's going to take some time.

For now, I have no desire to go anywhere near a Family Readiness Group or the Army. I've distanced myself as much as I can right now - partially because I thought it was going to be necessary and partially because I felt as though I didn't belong. I need time to lick my wounds, so to speak.

But the irony makes me chuckle.

Pau.

- hfs

Whiplash

2010-10-08T21:06:00.002-10:00

I was talking with a good friend of mine the other day, filling her in on the "Law and Order" episode that is my life and she commented that my life seems to turn on a dime these days. And she's right - if I look over the past 4 years or so of my life, there have been some crazy twists and turns. Deployments, extensions, homecomings, injuries, surgeries, complications, legal issues, miracles...it gives me whiplash just listing it all. My prayer these days (aside from the ongoing prayers) is that I am bored out of my skull with the mundaneness of my life for the next few years.

I mean, really...is that too much to ask?

Still no word on the administrative fallout of things. But that's ok. I don't want the people in charge of making the decisions to make snap decisions. Especially when MacGyver's career hangs (somewhat) in the balance. I would like to think that the "powers that be" are weighing everything appropriately. And, if the rest of this mess is any indication, it will be Christmas before we hear anything (I'm joking...kind of).

In the meantime, it looks like there is actually a PCS in our future. Our DEROS date has been pushed back and we have verbal plans from HRC (Human Resources Command...aka "Branch") as to our next duty station. However, we do not have orders yet (nor do we have an RFO..."Request for Orders") so I'm skeptical. But that doesn't stop me from looking at places to live on line. I've pulled the Big Girl Panties out and plan to put them on. Which means I plan to go ahead and live where we are stationed, even though MacGyver will likely deploy immediately after we arrive.

It will suck but we will be just fine. We'll have family and friends all within convenient driving (not flying!) distance and there are enough activities in the area to keep us busy until he gets back. And then some. It looks like this PCS will be QUITE the adventure - we plan to do a DITY move (Do IT Yourself aka Personally Procured Move) from Hawaii (yes, you read that correctly. We are certifiably insane.) AND we plan to fly from Hawaii into SoCal and then DRIVE from SoCal to our next duty station.

Like I said, we are insane. But the money is needed, it's quite an adventure that our children will remember forever (especially if their mother has a nervous breakdown and winds up in a padded cell somewhere). And we have some furniture at MacGyver's parents' place that needs to be picked up. So there are reasons beyond our insanity. And it makes for AWESOME blog fodder!

In the meantime, we wait some more. But the fear is gone from this wait (for the most part) so now it's bearable. Life is slowly returning to something that resembles "normal" which is incredibly odd, given the fact that I seriously doubted we'd ever experience "normal" again. I look back over the past 16 months and I am floored at where we were but more so at where we ARE. I didn't expect this. I didn't expect to find any hope in the situation. It's really quite surreal. But, then again, the entire experience has been so why should this part be any different?

I struggle with bitterness. Not so much toward my husband, the situation, or even the Army. Moreso toward the people that either turned their backs on us or who essentially threw us under the bus. I struggle with the urge to go up to each of those people and hold a mirror up to them and ask them what they see. But that's not healthy and it's not worth my time. Or so I keep telling myself. I've lost a lot of people I thought were my friends over the past 16 months and, while I do my best to comfort myself with the thought that they were never truly my friends in the first place, there is still a grieving process that has to take place. Or so I'm told. I'm sure this anger/bitterness is part of that process. Instead, I do my best to focus on the friends that stuck with me (or materialized out of the woodwork, me having never realized they were there in the first place) and how incredible they are. I am blessed beyond measure and my hope is that I can repay that kindness in one way or another at some point.

We have a ball coming up. Which makes me smile because the last ball we went to was somewhat bittersweet, given the fact that I thought it would be our last. However, it was not and now we get to go to another! This one is to celebrate the return of the battalion from Iraq. Last time around, MacGyver was the harem-master. This time, it's my turn to be outnumbered!

And yes, Pogue, I'll post pictures! I plan to be grinning from ear to ear.

Pau.

- hfs

Bullies

2010-10-07T21:18:00.002-10:00

If you are a parent, I would encourage you to read THIS.

If you are a teacher or work in a school, I would encourage you to read it. Same goes for anyone who has anything to do with children/youth. It is an incredible piece on what it is like to be bullied.

Absolutely spot on.

Pau.

- hfs

Still straddling

2010-09-29T23:04:00.002-10:00

I never was any good at the limbo but, after 16 months of practice, I think I'm getting better.

Yep, still in limbo. Not sure if we're destined to remain a military family or not. And it's weird because some things are still on hold, pending the outcome of everything and some things are not. Our DEROS (Date Eligible for Return From Overseas) is supposedly toward the end of this year. As in, less than 90 days out. Needless to say, THAT isn't going to happen. Or, if it does, I might just lose what little is left of my mind. Trying to throw together an OCONUS to CONUS move (and a DITY move, at that!!!) with 2 children in under 90 days is almost impossible, especially given the fact that MacGyver doesn't even have a whiff of orders at this point. Actually, we don't have a solid clue where we're headed next.

On that note, there are some developments with regard to where we are headed next. However, both options floated to MacGyver by his Branch manager mean that he would get there and pretty much deploy immediately. And neither location is a place I've ever been before. So my first inclination is for the rest of us to move somewhere we WANT to be for the year that he is gone. And for that, I have ideas. The biggest downside to that would be the possibility that we'd then have to pay to move ourselves to his duty station once he returns from his deployment.

Or I could suck it up, put my big girl panties on and go live where we are stationed. However, a lot of this is "putting the cart before the horse" in a sense and I think we would be wise to wait to see if we are even going to have to worry about any of this while MacGyver's rebuttal package is looked over and "the powers that be" decide on the fate of his military career. That should be happening in the next week or so (I'm assuming...and we all know how well *that* works...).

In the meantime we wait, and pray. Some more.

limbo limbo LIMBO! limbo limbo LIMBO! limbo limbo LIMBO! limbo limbo LIMBO!

Too much? I thought so. I'll keep you posted.

Pau.

- hfs

Jumped the gun...a little

2010-09-21T22:31:00.003-10:00

OK - so it's not quite "over". The scariest part is over but, like I said earlier, there are some administrative consequences that have to be dealt with. And those started coming down this week. No rest for the wicked, it seems.

Apparently the prayers/good thoughts/small animal sacrifices are working so it would be great if you all could spare some more of those. In all seriousness, people in pay grades far above mine are going to be making decisions in the next two weeks or so that will affect (if not determine) the future of MacGyver's Army career and our future as a military family. Therefore, we could use all of the prayers/good thoughts/small animal sacrifices possible.

Ideally, all of this would be handled at the "local" level and MacGyver could continue to serve his country. However, I realize that might not be possible and, if that's the case, my hope and prayer is that however the Army sees fit to handle this situation would not prevent him from pursing his flight career in the civilian world, preferably in support of his country and the military.

I guess we'll see. Thank you...all twelve of you. You have no idea how much this outlet has helped me keep my sanity. Your comments and emails have helped sustain me even in the darkest moments of this mess. I have no way to repay anyone other than with my sincere gratitude. And a great recommendation for a civilian attorney that specializes in military law, should you ever need it.

Pau.

- hfs

In shock...in a good way

2010-09-17T18:30:00.002-10:00

Most of my readers (all 3 of you!) know that the past 16 or so months of my life have been...stressful, to say the least. The future of MacGyver's Army career has been literally up in the air. That came to an end (for the most part) today.

We received word that our limbo is over and MacGyver can continue on as a pilot in the United States Army. There are still some administrative consequences to be dealt with and that may, in the end, spell the end of our time as an Army family but, for the most part the hell that we've been living in for the past 16 months is OVER.

O.
V.
E.
R.

Over. We can breathe again. Though I'm not sure I have just yet. I'm still in shock. It hasn't really hit me yet. Though it's starting to. I'm giddy and a disaster but it's all good.

Most of you that know me know that I am a Christian though I'm not particularly a "Bible thumper" but I'll say this here and now - through ALL of this, this "faith-walk in a group hug" (as a friend of mine calls it) that my family and I have been going through, nothing has sustained us more than our belief that God is in control of all of this, no matter how it played out.

I'm a control freak (no, really. Stop laughing.) and there has never been a time in my life where I've truly been able to hand control over to anyone. Everyone talks about "giving control to God" but that's not how I'm wired. I've never been able to do that. And, for the first 6-9 months of this ordeal, I was unable to give up control to God and stop letting the worry and anxiety control my life. But I continued to pray that I would be able to do so along with praying that God would work this out. I prayed that we would be able to remain in the Army but, if that wasn't possible, that God would provide a way for us to survive. One day I woke up and realized that I wasn't consumed by the stress of the situation. I realized that, whatever the outcome, we would be ok. Our future might not look like what I had envisioned but we would be ok. I guess you'd call that a "peace". Not something I am used to.

And I still don't know how this will all play out but that's ok. WE will be ok. I have faith. God has been SO good to us throughout this entire mess. We have an incredible family. We are blessed to be a part of an incredible church. We are surrounded by amazing friends - in real life and of the imaginary sort. Which is why my friend said it's a "faith walk in a group hug".

Even on the most awful days, we were sustained. And really, when the poop hits the fan as it always does in life, isn't that what matters? Is that what makes the difference? We all face challenges. We all have "stuff". What is it that sustains you throughout it all? For us, it was our faith and the people that God placed around us. Neither MacGyver nor myself got through this on our own.

We are blessed.

I can breathe again.

Pau.

- hfs

Memo to:

2010-09-15T16:34:00.003-10:00

Memo to: drivers in Hawaii

This may not be the mainland but that ain't the slow lane.

MOVE.

Seriously, doing 45 mph in the fast lane is not only incredibly maddening, it's dangerous. That's what they make a "slow lane".

Good grief. Yet another thing I miss about the mainland.

Pau.

- hfs

What does your car say about you?

2010-09-14T15:08:00.004-10:00

Yahoo article

* Black: Aggressive personality, rebel
* Silver: Cool, calm, may be a loner
* Green: Reactive
* Yellow: Idealistic
* Blue: Introspective, reflective, and cautious
* Red: Someone who is full of energy and pizzazz
* White: Status seekers, gregarious
* Cream: Contained and controlled

Interesting. It doesn't mention my car specifically but she would fall in between the sedans and sports car categories.

She's red. BRIGHT red.

She has a V6 under the hood with a 5-speed transmission and really hits her rhythm right around 4,000 rpm. MacGyver completely debadged her so unless you know what you're looking at, you have no idea that she's more than just your run of the mill VW sedan. Until I smoke you off the line or in the fast lane while still in 3rd gear. With 'oomph' to spare.

Can you tell I love driving her?

The personality description associated with the color of my car seems to be appropriate as well (most days!). However, the description related to the color silver - which 3 of the past 4 cars I've owned have been - doesn't match me unless I'm in the middle of an emergency. Huh.

One of the reasons I am itching to get off this turd sitting in the middle of the Pacific Ocean is so that I can DRIVE. I can't drive on this island. There is nowhere to go and there are cops literally every .5 miles just waiting to give you a ticket for doing 2 miles over the (incredibly slow and asinine) speed limit, thereby placing another $150+ in the state's coffers to pay for its overblown budget. So I am constantly holding my sweet little red V6 back. I'd really like to get her out on a road where I can truly open her up and let her run.

But that will have to wait.

She came to me through one of the guys in MacGyver's unit. I had just sold my Pilot and divested myself of the painful car payment and this guy was deploying. So he was selling the little red car and selling her cheap. She needed some work - the a/c had issues as did the heater (not a big deal here) and the clutch needed some work. But for a car that was a little more than 10 years old, she had low miles and was in fairly good condition. And my mechanic wasn't going anywhere. So she became mine for a song. The funny thing is that a friend of ours who is looking for a solid used car offered me about 3x what I paid for her the other day.

I turned him down.

I like my car. Get your own.

Pau.

- hfs

9.11.01 - Father Mychal Judge 00001

2010-09-10T23:29:00.002-10:00

This is a repost. More here, here, and here.

My life has two parts to it. The part up through September 10, 2001 and the part from September 11, 2001 to the present. A defining moment. My life as an Army wife also has two parts. The first part was where the biggest drawback or downside of military life was a hardship tour to Korea. The second part is life as I know it right now.

The morning of September 11, 2001 I was 10 months pregnant and 5 days from my due date. I had 4 days left to go as a teacher before going on maternity leave and was only working half days so I didn't need to be in until 11am that day. MacGyver had a 7am work call and was in the shower when my alarm went off. I remember smacking the snooze button on the radio and through the haze of sleep, I heard the DJ say "a plane has hit the Pentagon.".

I woke up. Quickly.

I turned the radio back on and sat bolt upright in bed as I listened. It took me a minute to wrap my brain around what I was hearing. In that time, MacGyver finished his shower and turned off the water. I got up and out of bed as fast as my pregnant belly would let me and knocked on the door. He answered and I told him he needed to go downstairs and turn on the TV.

How many people uttered those words that day?

Everyone I talk to, every story I hear involves those words. "You need to go and turn on the TV."

We went downstairs and stood, gaping, at the television. We couldn't even cry. We were too shocked. I think the first tower fell while we were watching and that must have sparked MacGvyer to move. He bolted upstairs, threw on his BDUs, grabbed his overnight bag and some food, kissed me goodbye, and left. Still, there were no tears. I didn't know if I would see him again. In my mind, he would deploy. I don't know where I thought he was going or what I expected him to be doing but I did not expect him to come home. Mentally I was trying to steel myself to have this baby alone. And I was ok with that. Hell, after thinking about what the people in New York, DC, and Pennsylvania were going through, having a baby on my own was nothing compared to that.

Still, there were no tears.

I went to school. It was chaos and sadness all at the same time. We didn't get anything done that day (or for a few days after). We all sat and watched TV. And talked. And worried. And prayed. Yes, we prayed in a public school. Seemed like the thing to do at the time.

But still, no tears.

And then I came home. And I sat down and watched TV. And I saw this...

And, for some reason, that image stuck with me. Moreso than any other image I saw that day or any other day. I had read about Father Mychal Judge a while back. I knew who he was. I remember reading about how he tended to the families of the victims of TWA flight 800 when it crashed off Long Island and thinking what an incredible man he was.

When I realized who it was that they were carrying out of the rubble, my heart broke. And I cried.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Father Mike was so many things to so many people. A Catholic priest. A recovering alcoholic. A gay man. A friend to the firefighting community and a pillar of the community. Larger than life.

His funeral was reported to have the makings of one hell of a good joke. A priest, a lawyer, and an Irishman walk into a bar . . . Who else could have brought together a room full of people from every spectrum of life?

But his LIFE was so much more than how he died. His work as a priest and as a friend touched thousands of lives. He firmly believed in the concept of Alcoholics Anonymous, calling it "America's greatest contribution to spirituality." The day he died marked his 23rd year of sobriety. He believed that the creators of AA did more for humanity than even Mother Teresa.

He ministered to AIDS patients back in the 80s when society was terrified of the disease and those afflicted. He treated AIDS patients with the dignity that each of us deserves from our fellow humans. He was a shining example to us in that.

He ministered to the families of the victims of TWA flight 800 in 1996 when it exploded and crashed off the coast of Long Island.

Father Mychal Judge would become a familiar presence among family members mourning lost passengers. He made the drive daily, for weeks, spending 12 hours a day consoling friends and families who had lost loved ones. He also celebrated Mass every other day, participated in counseling sessions for people of all denominations and organized ecumenical memorial prayer services for the victims' families and TWA personnel.

"When that call came through it was the Lord calling me somehow," he told a reporter during a visit to his third-floor room at the friary. "I went out there that night and I stayed there for all hours of the morning, talking to people from all over the country and all over the world."

Father Mychal helped to organize services on the beach for the Flight 800 families. A news photograph of him at one such service, wearing his brown robe and gazing out to sea, was distributed around the country.

"The water becomes sacred to them," he said of the families.

Those family members became part of his ever-expanding parish.

He remained involved in some of their lives until his death at the World Trade Center.

A Los Angeles Times reporter researching an article on support services for families of air crash victims interviewed Father Mychal in 2000, and he spoke of his efforts to be a healing presence for people whose lives had been torn apart.

"In seminary, you can get all the theology and Scripture in the world, and you land in your first parish, and you find out it's you-- the personality and the gifts that God gave you," said Mychal Judge.

"He was absolutely hands-on. Religion didn't make any difference for him-- he was the same toward everyone, regardless of their beliefs," said Hans Ephraimson-Abt, a New Jersey businessman and longtime advocate for families of air crash victims.

"The TWA families considered him a saint."

- from The Life of Father Mychal Judge

I sure would have loved to have had the privilege of meeting him in person. Guess I'm going to have to wait a bit.

At the memorial, McCourt told the mourners about his own fantasy. Judge, he says, dies and is momentarily disoriented, because after leading such a simple life, he suddenly finds himself in a place with large marble hallways. A figure approaches.

"Can I help you?"

"Well, I don't know where I am."

"What's your name?"

"Judge. First name Mychal."

"Really? Some people call me Judge, too."

"Oh? And what's your first name?"

"Almighty. What kind of work would you like here, Mychal?"

"I'd like to be someplace where there are fires."

"We don't have any fires here. The only one we know about is very far away, and that burns eternally, because all the firefighters are here, and we don't tell them about it, because otherwise they'd be down there fighting it."

"Well, could I go there and give some people a hand?"

"No, Mychal. Because if you go there, you have to be a sinner, you see? And you're a saint."

"Could I have a temporary pass to go there, then? Could I be an honorary sinner?"

"Yes. But please don't bring back any conservatives."

At that point, the crowd, already laughing, started to howl. McCourt paused to let everyone collect himself. "And away he goes," he finally said. "That's my fantasy about Mychal. He keeps working. He never stops. He's trying to get all of us out of hell."

- from The Fireman's Friar

Father Mychal Judge was so much more than the priest whose death certificate bears the number 00001 - the first official casualty of the attack on the World Trade Center on September 11, 2001. He was a man - flawed yet repentant - who did his best to serve God and his fellow man.

Learning more about him in the days and weeks that followed September 11 gave me hope in a time where hope was hard to find. Those of us who had babies right around that time I am sure had doubts as to what kind of world we were bringing our babies into. But knowing that a man such as Father Mike sits up in Heaven reassures me that there is hope and that we will be ok.

I will NEVER FORGET Father Mike. Never.

For a list of participants in the 2,996 project and their honorees, GO HERE.

Read. Remember.

Honor.

Never forget.

Pau.

- hfs

Hi, my name is HFS...

2010-09-02T15:36:00.002-10:00

...and I am a chai tea addict.

*waves hi to the crowd*

It's so bad that the manager at one of the local SBUX where I spent the majority of the last semester studying knows me by name and usually has my drink waiting for me by the time I get up to the register to pay. I feel like Norm walking into Cheers.

A few months ago, a friend bought me the tumbler you see in the picture - it saves me 10% when I actually remember to bring it with me. And it's the special "Hawaii edition" with "Aloha from Hawaii" and a hibiscus flower emblazoned on the side. Aren't I special?! And I also have the "gold card" aka Starbucks Reward Card.

Hey, if I'm going to have an addiction, I'm going to make it work for me.

Along with the tumbler in the picture at the top of this post, you'll see a container of Tazo chai tea concentrate - the same stuff SBUX uses. It's NOT - no matter what anyone tells you - the same thing as the stuff in the grocery store. It's more concentrated, less watered down. Not.The.Same. I bought a 4-pack on eBay (to split with another addict friend of mine from church) and have been on a caffeinated high ever since. I don't "do" coffee. MacGyver does but I can't stand it. He's a coffee purest and has a whole production that is involved in making his coffee that involves an electric coffee grinder (beans are stored in the freezer in order to maintain freshness), an Aerobie Coffee Press that is microfiltered for silt-free, rich coffee, and the addition of zero sugar or creamer. I'm telling you - it's a production in our house in the morning!

But, for as much time as I spend in SBUX, I can't stand coffee. Blech.

However, I'll knock you over if you get in between me and my chai.

Pau.

- hfs

The speech he ought to give

2010-08-30T22:21:00.003-10:00

Lex has a post up with the contents of the speech Obama ought to give.

Our armed forces fought valiantly under tremendously exceptionally challenging conditions, and without the united support of the people they support and defend, support that they deserved. They fought with unprecedented courage and humanity. Those that died in the effort gave their last full measure of devotion to the prospect that others might win the advantages that most us take for granted.

I'm pretty sure that, due to the three words that comprise paragraph seven, it will never happen. If only...

Pau.

- hfs

New homeschooling blog

2010-08-27T18:08:00.001-10:00

I had a few spare minutes today and put together a blog about our homeschooling adventures. Feel free to check it out --> Homeschool SITREP (I know...corny. What can I say?)

Pau.

- hfs

Cruel summer

2010-08-24T21:05:00.002-10:00

The goodbyes continue. What a brutal summer. I am NOT a fan.

I find the circumstances of my life are distancing me from a lot of the people in my life. Military friends are moving. Homeschooling has kept me at home while my friends whose children are in public school have their days free. Military friends who are still here have their husbands home and are enjoying block leave. I'm sure it's a blessing in disguise so that if and when we ever leave this "medium-sized turd in the middle of the Pacific" it might not hurt quite so badly. Maybe. But who knows when that will happen? I sure don't.

It's all good though. I'm doing my best to embrace my life as it is right now and not worry too much about what tomorrow may bring. Sometimes that is easier said than done but for now, it seems to be working.

It's good to have the guys back. We don't have aircraft back yet so the skies are still too quiet but they are on their way. Well, some of them are. The unit here will be making the transition from the Delta model of Chinook (CH-47D) that they have been flying to the new Fox model. There are all sorts of differences - the main ones being the improved engines, airframe modifications to reduce vibration (if you've ever ridden in a Chinook, you know how big of a deal any kind of improvement in this area is!), and the addition of the common avionics architecture system (CAAS) which includes all sorts of goodies for the pilots to mess with. I'm not sure exactly when the F models are due to arrive here but I can't wait to see them! And I can't wait to hear the rotors beating the air into submission either. I'd love to see MacGyver flying one (or any aircraft, at this point) but he's been out of the cockpit for too long and it would take some serious refreshing for him to be able to do much right now. So I don't see that happening. But a girl can dream, right?

I'm considering starting up a homeschooling component of this blog so that I can keep parts of my life contained and separated in pretty little boxes (is my OCD showing? Sorry.). We'll see. That will take time and motivation that seems to be needed elsewhere at the moment. But the intention is there - I swear! Of course we all know where good intentions lead us, don't we?

That's about all I have this evening!

Pau.

- hfs

13 years

2010-08-16T08:28:00.001-10:00

Happy anniversary babe!

Pau.

- hfs

Beat it, Debbie Downer

2010-07-31T14:06:00.003-10:00

Ok - the more I read my previous post, the more it grates on my nerves. It's honest and true but man, do I sound like Eeyore. Which drives me nuts. So I'm going to post something a little more upbeat.

We are just a few chalks away from having all of our guys (and girls...Hi Chaplain!) back which is fantastic! When they left, I wasn't sure if we'd be here to welcome them home. And we are. Which is also fantastic! It's SO good to see them all. I love watching them melt into the arms of their loved ones - it's such a heart-warming thing and it gives me chicken-skin just thinking about it. We have a few more rounds in the next couple of days and I'm really looking forward to those too. Not only is it good to see the soldiers come home, it's nice to be able to reconnect with their spouses. I haven't been in contact with many spouses from MacGyver's company or battalion so it's great to see them and spend time with them (briefly) before they tackle their soldiers.

I took the advice of a commenter here who told me a while back (when I was worrying about how to plan for the future in the face of everything going on) and we're just living life as we would normally. Which means soccer practice and getting ready for school to start. Add in there BMX riding (we haven't started racing...yet) and Awana on the horizon along with church commitments and this thing I like to call life and things have turned a little crazy around here! Which is good - keeps us out of trouble.

We decided to homeschool the kids this year. We've committed to one year and then we'll reevaluate where we stand - phsyically/logistically, financially, spiritually. Neither MacGyver or myself were happy with Little Man's first year of school. His teacher not only didn't challenge him (he was reading and doing simple arithmetic when he started Kindergarten), in some ways she actually stifled him. Because he would finish ahead of his table-mates, he'd get bored and become a distraction. Rather than give him more challenging work or books to read, he was labeled a trouble-maker. He's a typical 6 year old boy and would rather do 1,001 things besides classwork so he'd turn in lousy work (ahead of his table-mates). Yet she'd accept it, rather than make him do it over or correct his mistakes. And then he would get poor marks on his assignments AND be in trouble for being a distraction. I watched his excitement to learn and be in school fade as the year went along.

Combine this with the on-going trouble The Girl has had with a certain bully in her grade and the school's less than acceptable dealings with the situation and the limbo we're currently living in and you get the idea as to why we're homeschooling them. THEY are excited. I am too but also a little overwhelmed. I just remind myself that the best way to eat an elephant is one bite at a time so that's what we're focusing on - one day at a time. They are excited to be studying ancient history and chemistry this year (in addition to reading, writing, and arithmetic) and for the co-op we're going to be working with once a week.

I'm in the process of selecting a new song to choreograph for sign language class. My kids (the ones I work with) have lots of suggestions but nothing has really hit me yet.

And tomorrow, we are meeting up with an old and dear friend of mine from junior high and high school for dinner. He and his new bride are here on their honeymoon and we get to see them. I'm really, really excited - he was a sweet guy in high school and thanks to Facebook I've been able to get back in touch with him. Should be lots of fun!

So, even though it's cloudy here (it's always cloudy here...I swear, I live in Seattle) my mood has lifted, for which I am thankful.

Hey Debbie (Downer)...don't let the door hit you in the rear end on your way out!

Pau.

- hfs

'Tis the season of a thousand tiny cuts

2010-07-29T23:22:00.003-10:00

A short while back, I made the observation that military life is a lot like enduring paper cuts. And summertime - prime PCS (permanent change of station) season - seems to be the most painful time of year.

I've often debated with friends whether it is better to be the leavER or the leavEE...both have their upsides and downsides. Given the fact that we've been on this rock for five and a half years, I've about had enough of being the leavEE. And I'm not a fan. Don't get me wrong - I'm not sure I'm ready to leave yet. But the being left part leaves a lot to be desired. And, having been here for as long as we've been here, the emotional attachments are deep and therefore quite painful to sever.

Add to that the fact that I am horrible at goodbyes and you get an idea of how horribly icky the past few weeks have been. This past weekend was the worst - having to say goodbye to a family with whom we became quite close. Their children were in my youth group at church. We performed several sign language songs together. We camped together, shared many a meal together. They've cared for my children (this is big...there are very few people I let care for my children). And, on the night my world came crashing down around me last year, they were there for me in ways I cannot ever begin to repay. They've seen my good side and they've seen my bad side. And they love us (and me) all the same.

And now they are gone. Half way around the world. And so the new normal begins. For now. Until someone else leaves. Or we leave.

I find myself quite tired of this. And I don't know if it's just that I'm weary for the moment or if I'm truly reaching the end of my proverbial rope.

In the buildup to a deployment, couples often fight. The anticipatory grief gets to be too much and things blow up. It's easier to say goodbye to the person you love if you're ready to be rid of them because you're mad at them...or so you think. MacGyver and I danced that dance with the last deployment. I think I'm about there with the Army. It's been over a year and I find myself feeling "about done" with the Army. And with this island. Maybe it's just that time of year...time for school to start, time for a change of pace, a change in the weather.

Something.

Or maybe there's more to it. Maybe the last 14 months haven't meant anything more than a way for me to distance myself from military life. So that leaving it might be easier. Whatever that means.

I don't know.

I just don't know.

Pau.

- hfs

Welcome home!

2010-07-12T11:29:00.002-10:00

About a year ago, we said goodbye to some friends. And now they are making their way back to us. It is SO good to be able to welcome them home. Safely. The first waves are coming in now and everyone (for the most part) should be home by the middle of next month, give or take.

I will do my best to get pictures when I am able to get to a welcome home ceremony.

Definitely a warm-fuzzy feeling.

Pau.

- hfs

Seriously.

2010-07-11T00:00:00.003-10:00

It's been a month since the "big day" - the day that was supposed to bring answers or at least some kind of direction. Or a hint of direction. Or something. Yet here we sit, in limbo still. Apparently nothing happens quickly in the Army.

You'd think I'd learn these things by now, right? Apparently not.

And I find myself torn, yet again. Torn between the desire for this to continue on as it has been - slow and relatively uneventful - and wanting the Army to just HURRY UP!!!! But I'm leaning toward the slow side of things. I'm not sure that I am ready to find out what the final outcome may be. And I know I'm not ready to say goodbye to this part of my life.

A good friend of mine is in a similar situation - not the legal side of things but the unexpected end of her husband's Army career. In addition to the looming end of this military life that she's known for 13 years, her husband is due to return from deployment shortly. And, as happy as she is to know that she will not have to go through this again (unless he finds a contractor position that takes him overseas...but that would be voluntary), it is bittersweet. We sat, watching fireworks last weekend together on post and she commented that she was going to miss that part of military life - the shared experiences, the community, the camaraderie. MacGyver and I took the kids to go see "Iron Man 2" on post a short while back and I found myself feeling the same way - I am going to MISS this. I am going to miss the National Anthem being played before the movie and the extra courtesies that are extended at a military theatre that you don't always find at a civilian one.

It is a bittersweet time.

A lot of the time, I find myself feeling like I'm on a rollercoaster and I'm at the part where you're climbing the track on your way to the top of the REALLY BIG DROP. You know it's coming. Your body is primed for the event and you're kind of excited, kind of scared...mostly apprehensive. It's a kind of "anticipatory grief". And that's exactly where I'm at (and have probably been for the past 4-6 months of my life). I'm getting closer to being ready to embrace the next stage of our lives (whatever the hell that might be) but I am immensely sad at the prospect of having to see this stage end.

I'm tired of saying "we'll see". I'm tired of adding the caveat "if we're here in _______" when committing to something. I'm tired of sending out my husband's resume, knowing that he can't really be offered or accept a job until the Army decides what they are going to do. I'm tired of not being able to talk about all of this properly and, instead, having to resort to being vague.

Patience has never been my strong point.

But seriously? Seriously.

Pau.

- hfs